Hambo Offers the Best Deal Imaginable

We’re all enjoying a news-free weekend — referring to creationism news, of course — so this is a good time to tell you about an incredible development at Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

Look at their title: Enjoy Unlimited Visits to the Creation Museum and More with Our Annual Combo Pass. Think about it. Try to imagine what kind of people would see that headline and get all excited. Wowie — unlimited visits!

While you’re struggling with that, we’ll give you some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Would you like a whole year to explore all that the Creation Museum and our sister attraction, the Ark Encounter, have to offer? [Who wouldn’t?] If so, consider purchasing an annual combo pass for you and your family! See what you will receive with this option below!

Ooooooooooooh! An annual combo pass! It’s beyond our wildest dreams! Want to know more? Of course you do. Here it comes:

We’re excited to offer annual combo passes for both the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter again. [Both of them!] With an individual, couple, or family annual combo pass, you and your family can visit as many times as you’d like within one year. [Gasp!] This gives you even more time to enjoy our world-class exhibits, [World class!] Children’s Adventure Area, Eden Animal Experience, daily presentations and events, and so much more!

Amazing, huh? But wait — there’s more:

When you purchase your annual combo pass, you will also receive free “in and out” parking for one vehicle at both attractions.

It’s beyond your wildest dreams! And there’s still more! How about this:

One onsite Answers in Genesis conference is now included with your annual combo pass as well! And if you want to attend an additional conference within the same calendar year, you will only pay 50% of the price. It’s a great way to experience these unique, faith-building attractions over and over again.

Over and over again! Yes, oh yes! And now, our last excerpt will give you a link to the pricing information you’ve been waiting for. Here it is:

Purchase your individual or family annual combo pass today, and start enjoying all that it has to offer!

We won’t keep you in suspense. For an adult it’s $149, or $139 for a senior (age 60 and up). There’s no special price for a married couple, but for a family it’s $499. Wowie! A whole year of daily visits to Hambo’s museum and the ark. It’s a drooler’s dream come true!

Now let’s have a show of hands. How many of you are ready to move to Kentucky just so you can take advantage of this offer and spend the rest of your days visiting Hambo’s attractions? [*Curmudgeon looks around at all the raised hands*] Well then, what are you waiting for? And when you make your purchase, tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “Hambo Offers the Best Deal Imaginable

  1. Oh you sly Hambo! He knows that if you’re dumb enough to think the Ark and YEC are real that you’re a fool who will think that is a bargain.

  2. siluriantrilobite

    This will mean that the monthly attendance figures derived from the Williamstown Safety Fee will be useless in determining attendance because hundreds of thousands of people will take Hambo’s offer and visit numerous times a month. Some will visit both attractions more than once a day since there is soooo much to see and do..

    Sent from my iPad

  3. After learning that the universe was created in six days, six thousand years ago and that there was a one-year world-wide flood – what else is there to study?
    I suppose it needs to be reinforced in regular intervals.

  4. chris schilling

    What do I need an annual combo pass to Ken’s Wet Dream for? I’ve got free eternal membership to the Lake of Fire!

  5. More proof of the old adage: “There are more horse’s asses than there are horses”

  6. Today I actually saw a TV ad for Ark Encounter! Isn’t that one of the signs of the Apocalypse?

  7. Hambo uses far too many exclamation marks to be convincing.

  8. So for a family it’s $499. But it doesn’t say what size constitutes a family. Mommy, Daddy and junior make a family of 3. How about 5 juniors plus mom & dad. Or maybe those 7 plus grandma & grandpa & cousin Esmeralda and her 2 kids and an uncle Barney thrown in, making the extended family of 13, or … What will Hambo say to them?

  9. “you and your family can visit as many times as you’d like within one year.”
    Great. That will be exactly zero times.

    “free “in and out” parking for one vehicle ”
    Duh. I don’t even have a driver’s license.

    @SkMarshall: but this combo pass is half as useful as the products from those asses.

  10. Theodore Herrlich

    I am not moving to Kentucky, I live too close to hambo as it is! I did visit his ‘museum’ once, the same day as the Secular Students of America and PZ Myers visited. It was educational, but not in the way little kennie wanted it to be.

  11. Karl Goldsmith

    I mentioned before that an annual pass was being included in the conference that AiG have in October. The pre-register page had a graphic that said it’s for pastors, the conference costs the same as just buying the annual pass, are they in a panic because that conference has a low attendance..

  12. Karl Goldsmith

    The graphic now being used to get people to attend the conference.

  13. I’d pack me bags and move in a whiffy, no really, but I suddenly remember I have to make an appointment for a root canal and oh, is that the time already, gotta run

  14. Karl Goldsmith

    “Today I actually saw a TV ad for Ark Encounter! Isn’t that one of the signs of the Apocalypse?”

    The 990 showed they spent $3,400,000 on advertising the Ark Encounter in the first year.

  15. I’ve heard before that a great product needs no advertising. Well… sometimes people need just a brief reminder, like those Levis ads that had nothing to do with jeans, but were just a subtle reminder to get you thinking about them.

  16. Anybody remember back when Six Flags Magic Mountain did similar, and the local parents decided to use the park as a day care center for their teens? Lot of gang issues arose.

    Picture “Creationist Gangs” lingering around the ark all afternoon…. 🙂