We’re all enjoying a news-free weekend — referring to creationism news, of course — so this is a good time to tell you about an incredible development at Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
Look at their title: Enjoy Unlimited Visits to the Creation Museum and More with Our Annual Combo Pass. Think about it. Try to imagine what kind of people would see that headline and get all excited. Wowie — unlimited visits!
While you’re struggling with that, we’ll give you some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
Would you like a whole year to explore all that the Creation Museum and our sister attraction, the Ark Encounter, have to offer? [Who wouldn’t?] If so, consider purchasing an annual combo pass for you and your family! See what you will receive with this option below!
Ooooooooooooh! An annual combo pass! It’s beyond our wildest dreams! Want to know more? Of course you do. Here it comes:
We’re excited to offer annual combo passes for both the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter again. [Both of them!] With an individual, couple, or family annual combo pass, you and your family can visit as many times as you’d like within one year. [Gasp!] This gives you even more time to enjoy our world-class exhibits, [World class!] Children’s Adventure Area, Eden Animal Experience, daily presentations and events, and so much more!
Amazing, huh? But wait — there’s more:
When you purchase your annual combo pass, you will also receive free “in and out” parking for one vehicle at both attractions.
It’s beyond your wildest dreams! And there’s still more! How about this:
One onsite Answers in Genesis conference is now included with your annual combo pass as well! And if you want to attend an additional conference within the same calendar year, you will only pay 50% of the price. It’s a great way to experience these unique, faith-building attractions over and over again.
Over and over again! Yes, oh yes! And now, our last excerpt will give you a link to the pricing information you’ve been waiting for. Here it is:
Purchase your individual or family annual combo pass today, and start enjoying all that it has to offer!
We won’t keep you in suspense. For an adult it’s $149, or $139 for a senior (age 60 and up). There’s no special price for a married couple, but for a family it’s $499. Wowie! A whole year of daily visits to Hambo’s museum and the ark. It’s a drooler’s dream come true!
Now let’s have a show of hands. How many of you are ready to move to Kentucky just so you can take advantage of this offer and spend the rest of your days visiting Hambo’s attractions? [*Curmudgeon looks around at all the raised hands*] Well then, what are you waiting for? And when you make your purchase, tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya.
Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.