Creationist Wisdom #993: Fanatics Needed

The excitement is growing as the countdown creeps closer to 1,000. Once again we find our entertainment in the Brainerd Dispatch of Brainerd, Minnesota. Today’s letter-to-the-editor is titled For the children, and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.

This one is yet another reaction to the news we mentioned a couple of weeks ago in Drooling School Board Chairwoman. That was about Sue Kern, chairwoman of the school board of Brainerd, Minnesota, who couldn’t figure out why the schools were teaching evolution. The last time one of Susie’s admirers inspired one of our posts was #991: Unlimited Idiocy. Now we have another.

Because the letter writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Tony. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!

Although Sue Kern has proven to be a very weak choice for the position of school board member [Oh?], her question on teaching evolution raises an interesting point.

What interesting point did Susie raise — other than her competence to run the school system? Tony says:

Progressives in academia [Whoever they are] push evolution as gospel (no pun intended) because “science” has been unable to validate creation, yet they believe science has proven the theory of evolution. Really?

No, Tony. Evolution isn’t gospel, it’s science — not “proven,” but very well supported by evidence and contradicted by none. That’s why it’s taught in the public schools. Creationism is religion. It’s that simple. But Tony doesn’t get it. He tells us:

Would this be the same science that told us the earth was flat? [Huh?] Would this be the same science that told us the earth was the center of the universe? [Head desk!]

Flat Earth and the geocentric universe are right out of scripture. That stuff isn’t science at all. But Tony’s assault on “science” continues:

Would this be the same science that told us doctors didn’t have to wash their hands after surgery? Would this be the same science that would have us believe that our climate is somehow being destroyed by plastic straws?

No, Tony. The bible that didn’t tell us anything about bacteria. Science had to discover its existence and figure out that physicians should wash their hands. As for plastic straws, if the bible tells you to use them, go right ahead.

Tony now gives us his most brilliant swipe at science:

And, as the comic said, “If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?”

Comic? Is Tony talking about a Jack Chick comic? Anyway, that’s what creationists say — and Tony probably thinks it’s a great question. Now, quite satisfied that he has completely demolished science, Tony defends the drooling school board chairwoman:

Mrs. Kern was completely right to question this, although unfortunately, she easily caved to the progressives of public education. She apparently has no stomach to staunchly resist the destruction of our children [Destruction!] and therefore has no business being on the school board, regardless of her position on this particular issue.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Susie shouldn’t be on the school board because she’s not creationist enough! This letter is pure gold! And now we come to the end:

In fact, none of her colleagues do either. They are all willing to weaponize our children in the name of a cruel ideology.

That was quite an ark-load. Once again we are grateful to Susie Kern for whipping things up in Brainerd, Minnesota.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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8 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #993: Fanatics Needed

  1. Off-topic, but quite relevant for this nice blog – this weekend there is a Flat Earth Conference in Amsterdam.

    https://www.trouw.nl/binnenland/de-aarde-is-plat-maar-dat-mogen-we-niet-weten~b0530014/

    0,9% of the Dutch population (the article names someone with a [bleep!]ing bachelor in biotechnology) is FETer. That doesn’t sound so bad, but it’s still 150 000 people.
    In the USA it’s 2%, so MAGA remains a good idea.
    The Amsterdam congress expects 125 and had hoped for 200 attendants. It’s suggestion that my native country needs more charismatic preachers ….

  2. Michael Fugate

    I always make sure to get my science information from delivery drivers at boat shops….

    weaponize? for the culture “wars”, I guess?

  3. I beg to differ.
    Geocentrism was the science of the day. It was supported by nearly everyone, not just Bible-believers. It provided the best explanation for the motions of the heavens, and there was no alternative known, other than rare exceptions, before Copernicus who was the first who worked out a full heliocentric model. See the Wikipedia article “Heliocentrism” for the rare exceptions.

  4. chris schilling

    Wake up, little Susie. Tough guy Tony is getting all Stalinist on your incompetent, backsliding ass. Watch your back, now. Remember Trotsky? Stalin had an assassin — a monkey, or a child, I forget which — surprise the commie rat and drive a weaponized plastic straw into his skull. Adios, comrade!

    The Party brooks no traitors.

  5. Stephen Kennedy

    Doctors need to wash their hands after surgery? Actually Tony, we wash our hands before surgery. Our routine is to thoroughly wash our hands at a special sink just outside the operating room and the nurse opens the door for us so we do not have to touch anything. In the OR, after our hands have air dried the scrub nurse slides rubber gloves on our hands while they are still in a sterile package and then we take our gloved hands out of the sterile packet and are ready to perform the operation. At the completion of surgery the scrub nurse pulls the gloves off our hands and puts them in a container for bio-waste. I suppose we could then go and wash out hands but I am not sure what the point of it would be.

  6. I think that the reference is to
    Semmelweis, and his promoting washing hands between gynecological exams.
    Today, my understanding is that hospitals try to insist on everybody washing hands frequently.

  7. It was a scientist – a great one – who originated the germ theory (note that word, Tony) of disease. Name of Louis Pasteur. Fairly close contemporary of Charles Darwin, as it happens. It took a while to be accepted, until a prestigious surgeon called Lister started insisting on sterilising everything that touched a surgical patient. Whadda y’know? “Wound fever” cases promptly dropped out of sight. And it was only then that people remembered the Semmelweiss brothers, thirty or forty years before. They’d done the same, and had the same results, only they didn’t have a theory to explain why.

    See, Tony, that’s why scientific theory is important. It explains why. That’s the attraction of evolution, too. It’s a scientific theory that explains why there are so many different species of living things on Earth. It’s the ONLY scientific theory that does that. That’s why it’s taught in science classes.

    What’s your explanation for it, Tony? “God spoke, and it was so”? But, Tony, that doesn’t explain anything. Doesn’t say why or how. That’s why it’s not a scientific theory. That’s why it’s not taught in science classes. Because it isn’t science. There’s other reasons, but that one is enough.

    It’s pretty simple, Tony. But you don’t get it. I’ll do you a kind of compliment, Tony, by saying I don’t think it’s because you’re too stupid to get it. I think it’s because you don’t want to know. But, come to think of it, I don’t think that’s a compliment at all.

  8. @DaveL presents a dichotomy:

    “….. because you don’t want to know.”
    Which is stupid.