Creationist Wisdom #1,007: Atheist Theories

Today’s second letter-to-the-editor appears in the News-Gazette of Champaign, Illinois. It’s titled Don’t believe atheistic theories, and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Bill. We’ve posted about his letters before. The last time was #984: Evolution Is Paganism, and there were three others before that — see #959: Stars Aren’t Alive, and before that #942: Eternal Consequences, and before that #907: Science Is a Fairy Tale. Excerpts from his latest letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!

The origins of atheistic millions and billions of years can be traced back to Charles Lyell, a lawyer who wrote a book called “Principle [sic] of Geology” in 1857.

Charles Lyell first published Principles of Geology in 1830. So besides messing up the book’s title, Bill got the publication date wrong. And although Lyell did start out as a lawyer, he gave it up after about six years and devoted the rest of his life to geology. Bill then says:

His main point was the assumption that the present is the key to the past. He just arbitrarily decided that only the current natural processes can explain the past. Since the current natural processes are slow and gradual, he speculated that the past processes had to be slow and gradual. How could he possibly know this?

Wowie — Lyell was wildly speculating. After that shocking information, Bill tells us:

The atheist [Gasp!] Charles Darwin who was a friend of Lyell bought into these millions of years and quickly applied these millions of years to humans, animals and plants.

Darwin was obviously a flaming idiot! Bill continues:

They just made this up without any proof whatsoever. This is just their opinion, and their main motivation was to promote atheism.

Shocking. Absolutely shocking. Let’s read on:

Today, a majority of scientists from most scientific fields start with this assumption or guess that the present is the key to the past when dating the universe, Earth and all life. [They’re just guessing!] This is all based in the atheistic worldview and not science.

It’s not science! Bill finishes his letter with this:

It amazes me that people can be stupid enough to believe anyone who thinks everything happened by time and chance and not by an all-knowing, all-powerful eternal creator.

Bill is amazed. How about you, dear reader?

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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12 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #1,007: Atheist Theories

  1. I’m amazed too. I mean, isn’t Billy’s creator supposed to be responsible for things like uniformity, consistency and coherence? If Darwin and Lyell were wrong, so that the present is not the key to the past, then Billy’s promoting a creator who likes to mess around. Sounds like pastafarianism, really.

  2. Laurette McGovern

    Bill is a village idiot. End of story.

  3. @FrankB
    This is a nice example of the “homeopathic potentiation” methodology of reasonoing: chop up and dilute science until there is nothing left.

  4. Let me explain what Bill said… No, there is no time, let me sum it up:

    WERE YOU THERE?

  5. chris schilling

    “His main point was the assumption that the present is the key to the past.”

    Bill is sceptical about this assumption. But since Bill’s present-day thought processes are slow and gradual, we speculate that his past processes had to be just as slow and gradual. But how could we possibly know this?

    When we examine the past by reading Bill’s previous letters, we find that — yes! — Bill’s thought processes have ALWAYS been this slow and gradual. Bill’s letters PROVE it! This is exciting corroboration indeed, but Bill remains sceptical; unconvinced. He suspects an atheist plot.

    Oh, if only we could make Bill see how logical deduction and evidence fit together!

  6. Amazed Bill says,
    “It amazes me that people can be stupid enough to believe anyone who thinks everything happened by time and chance and not by an all-knowing, all-powerful eternal creator.”

    It amazes me that the editor(s) of the Champaign, Illinois News-Gazette can be stupid enough to publish this guy’s letters.

  7. The same science methods that gave us evilution, also gave us modern medicine (early xtian dimwits suppressed medical work as evil) and the iPhone (which a few years ago would get you burnt as a witch), and I will ‘believe’ Dimwitted Bill when he throws out his iPhone as evil and never sees a doctor. Till then he makes the box o’Rocks look smart!

  8. Richard Staller

    There’s no proof of past events so therefore God exists.

    Hard to argue with that logic because it’s more a feeling.

  9. @Richard Staller
    We can’t know anything except things that we can see and experiment with in the here and now.
    Therefore God exists.
    God we can see and experiment with in the here and now?

    That reminds one of the argument that everything has a prior cause, therefore God exists. Except God. Make that “everything except God” has a prior cause. We can see and experiment with everything to know that there is a prior cause except for God.

  10. [Bill:] “This is just their opinion, and their main motivation was to promote atheism.”

    If “atheism” is used in place of “curiosity about what the world really is”, this sentence is perfectly true.

  11. I must admit that it galls me to watch an idiot launch into public print with a load of fatuous falsehoods, but it galls me worse when there’s no reaction. I should, I suppose, console myself by reflecting that it only means that
    nobody is taking any notice of Bill’s drivel, but still I want there to be a crushing rebuttal, printed in the same place, the News-Gazette of Champaign, Illinois. After all, within its catchment is a campus of the University of Illinois. Is there nobody who will boot Bill’s farrago of wicked lies into the long grass? Or is it simply that the letters editor of that journal is one of Bill’s tribe?

  12. @retiredsciguy
    The reason why the editor(s) of the Champaign, Illinois News-Gazette publish our friend’s letters is the local newspaper principle, that every name printed sells a copy. Or several copies, because he will want to show it to all friends.

    Don’t knock it — it keeps hard-working hacks in employment!