Admit it, dear reader — you’ve always wondered about Adam. Well, wonder no more, because you’re about to learn everything about him. The information comes to us from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: What Was Adam Like? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
From reading Genesis, and armed with a basic knowledge of genetics, we can learn a lot about what Adam was probably like. Did Adam have black hair, brown skin, and brown eyes? Was he six feet eleven inches tall? These are questions we cannot answer for sure because we were not there to see Adam. However, from reading Genesis, and armed with a basic knowledge of genetics, we can learn a lot about what Adam was probably like.
Okay, here it comes. Hambo says:
But, how much detail can we go into concerning this man? Did he have a navel (belly button), for instance? It is a question I have often been asked. [Skipping info about navels in general.] If Adam was not born of a woman, he would not have had an umbilical cord, thus no scar, and thus presumably not a navel.
Now you know. But what about Eve? Hambo tells us:
The first woman (the first wife) was made directly from part of Adam. She was not born of a woman either. Adam and Eve were unique. It would seem neither of them would have had a navel. When you think about it, that would have been a tremendous witness to everyone who saw them while they were alive. They had evidence that they were the first two people.
Wowie — they probably ran around showing their tummies to everyone. It must have been very impressive. Hambo continues:
Did Adam Have One Fewer Rib Than Eve? I have often had people ask me, after reading the passage about the creation of woman, why men don’t have one fewer rib than women if God made Eve from Adam’s side (or rib). The way I answer this is: If a man had an accident and his leg was amputated as a result, and then he married and had children, would all his children have only one leg? Of course not! This is because the instructions for how we are constructed are contained in the DNA in the nucleus of our cells—in our genes. When God took part of Adam to make Eve, he didn’t change Adam’s genes.
Okay, that problem is solved. Let’s read on:
Adam Was the First Taxonomist. In Genesis 2:19–20, we are told that Adam named many of the animals. Anyone who studies taxonomy knows how hard it is to remember any of those names. Adam would not have had this problem because he was made perfect — he would have been as intelligent as a man could ever be. [Adam was a genius!] Plus, he probably didn’t have to name that many animals, only flying creatures and land animals, only created kinds (about the current classification level of Family) that God brought to him and not species.
There’s a lot more to Hambo’s post. It’s actually a chapter in some book he’s selling. Skipping a lot, here’s another excerpt:
Was Adam Brown-Skinned? We can’t say for sure, but I suspect Adam had a middle-brown skin shade. All humans have the same basic skin color, just different shades, because of a brownish pigment called melanin. To put it simplistically, if we have a lot of this pigment, we are a very dark shade. If we don’t have much of this pigment, we are a very light shade. … Thus, if Adam and Eve were both a middle-brown shade, all shades from dark through to light could be accounted for in their children and future generations. For the same reason, Adam and Eve probably had brown eyes and dark hair.
Skipping a lot more, here’s Hambo’s final paragraph:
Evolution undermines the gospel message. [Gasp!] Evolution undermines any understanding of what Jesus did on the cross. Evolution stops people from understanding the meaning of the first and last Adam. When we take Genesis literally and understand about the first man Adam, we then understand what the rest of the Bible is all about.
Now you know, dear reader. Isn’t Hambo the greatest?
Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.