Hambo Tells Us What Adam Was Like

Admit it, dear reader — you’ve always wondered about Adam. Well, wonder no more, because you’re about to learn everything about him. The information comes to us from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: What Was Adam Like? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

From reading Genesis, and armed with a basic knowledge of genetics, we can learn a lot about what Adam was probably like. Did Adam have black hair, brown skin, and brown eyes? Was he six feet eleven inches tall? These are questions we cannot answer for sure because we were not there to see Adam. However, from reading Genesis, and armed with a basic knowledge of genetics, we can learn a lot about what Adam was probably like.

Okay, here it comes. Hambo says:

But, how much detail can we go into concerning this man? Did he have a navel (belly button), for instance? It is a question I have often been asked. [Skipping info about navels in general.] If Adam was not born of a woman, he would not have had an umbilical cord, thus no scar, and thus presumably not a navel.

Now you know. But what about Eve? Hambo tells us:

The first woman (the first wife) was made directly from part of Adam. She was not born of a woman either. Adam and Eve were unique. It would seem neither of them would have had a navel. When you think about it, that would have been a tremendous witness to everyone who saw them while they were alive. They had evidence that they were the first two people.

Wowie — they probably ran around showing their tummies to everyone. It must have been very impressive. Hambo continues:

Did Adam Have One Fewer Rib Than Eve? I have often had people ask me, after reading the passage about the creation of woman, why men don’t have one fewer rib than women if God made Eve from Adam’s side (or rib). The way I answer this is: If a man had an accident and his leg was amputated as a result, and then he married and had children, would all his children have only one leg? Of course not! This is because the instructions for how we are constructed are contained in the DNA in the nucleus of our cells—in our genes. When God took part of Adam to make Eve, he didn’t change Adam’s genes.

Okay, that problem is solved. Let’s read on:

Adam Was the First Taxonomist. In Genesis 2:19–20, we are told that Adam named many of the animals. Anyone who studies taxonomy knows how hard it is to remember any of those names. Adam would not have had this problem because he was made perfect — he would have been as intelligent as a man could ever be. [Adam was a genius!] Plus, he probably didn’t have to name that many animals, only flying creatures and land animals, only created kinds (about the current classification level of Family) that God brought to him and not species.

There’s a lot more to Hambo’s post. It’s actually a chapter in some book he’s selling. Skipping a lot, here’s another excerpt:

Was Adam Brown-Skinned? We can’t say for sure, but I suspect Adam had a middle-brown skin shade. All humans have the same basic skin color, just different shades, because of a brownish pigment called melanin. To put it simplistically, if we have a lot of this pigment, we are a very dark shade. If we don’t have much of this pigment, we are a very light shade. … Thus, if Adam and Eve were both a middle-brown shade, all shades from dark through to light could be accounted for in their children and future generations. For the same reason, Adam and Eve probably had brown eyes and dark hair.

Skipping a lot more, here’s Hambo’s final paragraph:

Evolution undermines the gospel message. [Gasp!] Evolution undermines any understanding of what Jesus did on the cross. Evolution stops people from understanding the meaning of the first and last Adam. When we take Genesis literally and understand about the first man Adam, we then understand what the rest of the Bible is all about.

Now you know, dear reader. Isn’t Hambo the greatest?

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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23 responses to “Hambo Tells Us What Adam Was Like

  1. One of my most serious concerns and one that has kept me up many nights is , did Adam have any” inny” or an “outy” ? A great mind always finds the answer to questions like these. Fortunately I no longer have to be tormented by this question thanks to the revelations revealed in this post. What a relief..

  2. Theodore Lawry

    “Adam would not have had this problem because he was made perfect — he would have been as intelligent as a man could ever be”

    Really? How was this “perfect” mind fooled in to eating the forbidden fruit, a crime so heinous that the whole universe “groans” under God’s curse to this day? Adam could remember the names of thousands of “kinds” but not which fruit God had forbidden? And as for using evidence to reconstruct the past, isn’t that just what those naughty evolutionists are always doing? Ken Ham tries to show off how smart he is by playing scientist!

  3. Adam Was the First Taxonomist. ” Right… Um, that’s a pretty long bow, though to be fair Hambo has drawn longer in the past. Not so much to brag about I would have said. He couldn’t name them all, only “many“. Well, most kids can tell the difference between a dog and a cat, and name them too – “Spot”, “Puss”, “Cat”, “Dog”, etc.

    And when it comes to flora, Adam’s CV is silent. On the other hand, perhaps Eve was the gardener and, in true Christian fashion, women are less important than men so who cares!! Oh, except that the whole sinning thing. That was Eve’s fault, but there you go – can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

  4. @TheodoreLawry Of course Adam was made perfect. Why, I’ll bet that his “I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it!”

  5. Ham claims that there were many unmentioned miracles about the Flood – the resculpting of the Earth so that the waters could flow into huge new ocean basins, for example, for which God rescinded the laws of thermodynamics and friction to achieve. Why need Ham detain himself over such a trifle as human skin pigmentation? Why not just say “God did that, too”, and leave it at that?

    After all, did not God cause the separation of the peoples at Babel? (Well, perhaps not. At Gen 10:5 we are told that the separation was entirely natural, too, but let’s not spoil a good story.) Why this song and dance about natural cause for skin colouration?

    Interesting, isn’t it, how people give attention to what concerns them? Or their audience?

  6. Michael Fugate

    Do imaginary people necessarily have skin, hair, or eye colors or heights? If God can magic a women out of a rib, then he can magic a replacement rib, no?

  7. What about Adam’s and Eve’s apparent age? Did they have knowledge of the world, knowledge that we gain by trial and error? Being perfect, they didn’t have the experience of pain that we have that teaches us about the world. We eat when we are hungry. How did A&E know about what was a balanced diet? Did they have to eat enough
    vitamin C?

  8. chris schilling

    “They probably ran around showing their tummies to everyone. It must have been very impressive.”

    Adam and Eve to the talking snake: “Look — no belly buttons!”
    Talking snake: “Look! No legs!”

  9. Maybe Adam looked like Rocky Balboa?

  10. These are questions we cannot answer for sure because we were not there to see Adam. However, from reading Genesis, and armed with a basic knowledge of genetics, we can learn a lot about what Adam was probably like

    Yes, Ken, we can do that but you can not. Because, by your own device, we cannot infer things of the past from what we observe today. If we can’t rely on radioactive decay to have been continuous in the past, how can we even begin to trust genetics to have worked similarly over time?

  11. “When God took part of Adam to make Eve, he didn’t change Adam’s genes.”. So they were genetically identical! Eve had a Y chromosome! That’s contrary to population genetics, and it means 25% of their conceptuses, those that got a Y from each, died. Unless of course sin changed all that. And who were those voyeurs staring at their bellies? Ken should admit it’s just a story.

  12. Silly, but can’t resist. As @Scientist points out, Eve had a Y chromosome. So it really *was* “Adam and Steve”

  13. @Draken
    If we can’t observe and repeat the production of original texts, how do we know that there were “original manuscripts”? Let alone know the authors of anonymous texts, etc.?

  14. Did Adam have nipples and a navel? If so, why?
    Since Eve was a female made from the tissues of a male, does that make Eve a transgender clone?

  15. Even ole Hambo is missing the most amazing thing about Adam: prior to the Fall, he was immortal. That is, he could leap off the highest cliff he could find and walk away unscathed! Never had to eat or drink! Could have swam underwater the whole width of the Atlantic, no problem! And not only was he bullet-proof, he was immune to Kryptonite!

    What a guy!

  16. The Adam’s navel problem is an old one. As Ham states, it would have been superfluous. On the other hand, if he didn’t have one, then he was not a complete human being. See Martin Gardner’s discussion, Did Adam and Eve Have Navels? Discourses on Reflexology, Numerology, Urine Therapy, and Other Dubious Subjects

  17. How much time is there between the creation of Adam and the creation of Eve? An hour?, a day?, a year? a million years?
    Or as Genesis 1:27 says, less than a day?
    I find this puzzling.
    When God created Eve did he also create a female of every other “kind”?
    And what was the idea of Genesis 1:28 without Eve?

  18. As I understand Genesis 2:20ff, Eve was an afterthought, after sheep proved unsatisfactory.

    The time paradox between Genesis 1:28 and Genesis 2 is unresolvable

  19. How can anyone explain the creation of day four? Genesis 1 tells us that the distinction beween day and night, light and dark, and the passage of time, is due to the Sun, Moon and stars being put into the Firmament on day four – so how could there have been days one, two and three?
    Anyone with a modern way of understanding literature cannot approach the Bible as it was created in the Ancient Near East. Taking the Bible literally is something foreign to the ANE.
    Even a pre-adolescent today has problems with the Bible, taken literally.

  20. Even literalists have problems taking the Bible literally.

  21. Why don’t people realise this? I put day and night, and plants, before sun and moon, and whales and birds before land mammals, just to make sure that no one was so daft as to take the text literally

    Yours in exasperation,

    God

  22. @Paul Braterman
    Origen (c. 185–c. 253) agreed, that there are passages in the Bible which were to alert us that it should not be taken literally.
    “[W]ho that has understanding will sup­pose that the first, and second, and third day, and the evening and the morning, ex­isted without a sun, and moon, and stars? and that the first day was, as it were, also without a sky? And who is so foolish as to suppose that God, after the manner of a husbandman, planted a paradise in Eden, towards the east, and placed in it a tree of life, visible and palpable, so that one tasting of the fruit by the bodily teeth obtained life? and again, that one was a partaker of good and evil by masticating what was taken from the tree?”

  23. Re “The first woman (the first wife) was made directly from part of Adam.” Hello? Do these people even listen to the words coming out of their mouths? Just for the ease of discussion, let’s say that Adam’s rib weighed 1 lb. Just what did the rest of a fully adult woman, Eve, who weighed say 110 lbs come from. Plus the majority of that rib is bone and cartilage so not the best building materials to make a heart, lungs, brain, and other organs from. Even if the rib were made of stem cells, there aren’t enough of them to make a woman. And Adam was made from clay, what was wrong with making Eve the same way, instead of playing organ snatcher as Adam slept?

    Making fairy tales seem real should be left to the likes of Disney Corp.

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