Hambo and the Parting of the Red Sea

You’ve probably seen The Ten Commandments, that grand old movie where Charlton Heston is Moses, and he leads the Exodus out of Egypt and across the Red Sea. Hollywood may have taken a few liberties with it, but is the tale based on actual history?

There’s no better source of information than Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Patterns of Evidence: The Red Sea Miracle Coming to Theaters February 18. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Did Moses really lead the children of Israel across the Red Sea? Did God miraculously part the waters of the sea and save them from their enemies? Or, as many liberal scholars would argue [They’re all fools!], is this account just a fabrication or an exaggerated retelling of a much less exciting historical event?

Well, dear reader, is the Exodus tale mythology, or is it The Truth? Hambo says:

Discover the truth in a brand-new two-part documentary in the Patterns of Evidence film series. Part 1 is coming to theaters across the United States for one night only, February 18.

Ooooooooooooh! You don’t want to miss that, dear reader. It’s recommended by ol’ Hambo himself, so you know it’s good. Then he tells us:

This powerful and challenging film begins the investigation into the Red Sea crossing — where was it? Did it happen? How many Israelites left Israel? [Doesn’t he mean “left Egypt”?] Where was Mount Sinai? [Probably not in Kentucky.] Did the Red Sea actually split? Do these kinds of miracles happen? And, was there any evidence left behind?

That’s a lotta questions. And the movie answers them all! Hambo continues:

Don’t miss Patterns of Evidence: The Red Sea Miracle Part I, in US theaters one night only. Order your tickets today to avoid disappointment as it may sell out. Be sure also to mark your calendar for the exciting conclusion to the intriguing investigation, which will be detailed in Patterns of Evidence: The Red Sea Miracle Part II, coming to US theaters one night only, May 5, 2020.

Wowie — a second movie! This is more than we ever dreamed of! And even that’s not all! Let’s read on:

If you haven’t seen the first two excellent documentaries in this series, Patterns of Evidence: Exodus and Patterns of Evidence: The Moses Controversy, I encourage you to watch them before this newest installment comes to theaters. They are fascinating and a helpful background to the information given in this upcoming film. You can find them available for sale at our online store.

You can get both of those earlier films for a total of only $24.99. What a bargain! We wrote about them 9 months ago, when they were being touted by ICR — see Who Wrote the Bible? ICR Knows!

Hambo ends his post with this:

Find theaters near you, and additional details, at PatternsofEvidence.com.

Well, dear reader — you are going to go, aren’t you?

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “Hambo and the Parting of the Red Sea

  1. siluriantrilobite

    Be sure and watch We Believe in Dinosaurs the night before on most PBS stations.

    http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/films/we-believe-in-dinosaurs/

    >

  2. Going to the movie link “Patterns of Evidence,” is that Ken Ham holding the reins of his chariot steed as he plows over the parted sea?

  3. I’ve always been puzzled about why the Israelis didn’t just walk from Egypt to Israel, since before the Suez Canal they probably didn’t need help from their favorite mythological creature.

  4. chris schilling

    From “Singin’ in the Rain”:

    Hambo
    Supposes
    The Bible’s
    Reliable
    But Hambo
    Supposes
    Erroneously

    Moses
    Sings “My Way”
    Like Frankie
    Ol’ Blue Eyes
    But Yahweh’s
    Highway
    Leads Moses
    Astray

    Aaron
    Likes Sharon
    And Sharon
    Likes Karen
    And the orgy
    Is tawdry
    “Moses is gay!”

    Egyptian
    Inscriptions
    Give Hambo
    Conniptions
    Of the Bible’s
    Descriptions
    They have nothing
    To say

  5. Our dear SC assumes: “You’ve probably seen The Ten Commandments …..”
    Actually not, mainly because I’ve found the story uninteresting since I was a child.

    “Find theaters near you, and additional details, at PatternsofEvidence.com.”
    Ah, but this is interesting. So I clicked and …. nothing. I did a search for Netherlands (hey let’s be generous – I can’t expect Ol’Hambo and his mates to have heard of the village where I live) and what do I get? Frankfurt, Germany! Well, actually Weiburg. That’s more than 9 hours by train (I don’t have a car). How does Ol’Hambo mean, “near you”?
    Of course, even if the theatre was within walking distance, I’d only go watch it if I got paid at least 10 Euro an hour.

  6. Dave Luckett

    Ah, “The Ten Commandments”. One of the several movies in which Charlton Heston called his guard. “Oh, my guard,” he said. Funny, I thought he was so hot on going everywhere armed so that he wouldn’t need guarding, but there you are.

  7. Agreed, that was Heston’s best film.

    Especially the scene when his bodyguard tried to join in on his romantic interlude with a Sister of Mercy. But Heston, with righteous indignation, kicked him out of the tent in no uncertain terms:

    “I’ll give you my nun when you pry her from my old, dread glands”

  8. It’s probably in the theatres only for one night because they have to pay the theatre to show the bloody thing.

  9. Draken, you’re exactly right – it’s actually pretty inexpensive. A friend of mine got a local theater to show his student film for a couple hundred bucks. It was his birthday and Christmas present from his (rather wealth) parents. Wider distribution for a single-night show is more expensive, obviously, but provided you’re showing on an off-night, it can be pretty economical.

  10. I cannot recommend “The Bible Unearthed” enough (there is even a documentary on YouTube about it). It clearly explains how Egypt controlled the Sinai as well….. there would have been no place for them to flee (ignoring the utter lack of any evidence that the event occurred).

  11. Auuughhhh…. actually playing here in our little town. I would have expected better of us “Liberal Californians”. 🙂

    BTW…. “Or, as many liberal scholars would argue”

    I really take issue with this characterization. Belief in facts and evidence (or lack of them) is not a “liberal vs conservative” issue. Perhaps he should have said “Or, as many rational scholars would argue”……

  12. Mega, PaulB, all British regulars and of course DaveL: all your worries regarding the Brexit are over. Bojo the Clown will receive assistance from an expert:

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/uri-geller-boris-johnson-dominic-cummings-job-advert-psychic-downing-street-a9274866.html

  13. @FrankB,
    The Ten commandments movie is great fun and one of the best drinking game movies of all time.
    Try to watch it and take a drink every time Yul Brynner says “So let it be written, so let it be done” You’ll be pretty well hammered by the end of the movie.
    And there’s a great scene when Edward G. Robinson in his best gangster voice says “Where’s you messiah nooow”

  14. I’m not sure, but I think that movie is the source of the “stretched forth his mighty hand” line used by the Voice from Above.

  15. Our Curmudgeon outrageously blasphemes:

    I think that movie is the source of my “stretched forth his mighty hand” line.

    Your line?! You, a mere mortal, dare assume the mantle of the Omnipotent and Ineffable Great Hand of Correction??!!!

    It’s the Lake of Fiery Typographical Errors for you, m’boy!

    …Or wait. Is this one of those “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain moments?

    My faith is wobbling…

  16. Megalonyx says: “My faith is wobbling”

    So is your head. The comment you jumped upon has miraculously been revised.

  17. FrankB offers reassurance

    all your worries regarding the Brexit are over. Bojo the Clown will receive assistance from an expert

    But, but…Brexiteer Michael Gove assured us that “the people in this country have had enough of experts”

    And of course, he was correct! The problem with experts is that they deal in all those boring things like details and data, which takes time to examine, instead of catchy, vacuous slogans, and emotive, reactionary jingoism—and as a result, those experts experience something with which we all have experience: European Law expert compares Brexit campaigners to creationists:

    Michael Dougan, professor of European Law at Liverpool University, said that having spent his entire career studying European constitutional law, single market law and free movement legislation, watching the Leave campaign had been: “Probably the equivalent of an evolutionary biologist listening to a bunch of creationists tell the public creation theory is right and evolution is completely wrong.”

    Alas, the video of Professor Michael Dougan on the EU Referendum weighs in at 24 minutes, which just can’t compete with the sound-byte lies and misrepresentations of the Brexiteers…

    O tempora, O boris…

  18. OK, I went out the site to have a peek and learned two things. One, the film is playing at our local theater, about two miles from my house. Two, the guy in the chariot on the movie poster is a spitting image of Steve Martin playing King Tut on SNL! Copyright infringement!