You Can Work for Ol’ Hambo — Wowie!

We found the best news imaginable at the blog of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this: We’re Hiring at Answers in Genesis, the Creation Museum, and the Ark Encounter. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Do you have experience in web development, web design, public safety, or A/V? Are you interested in learning more about working in the culinary field, grounds, or housekeeping? Well, we’re hiring in all these departments and more here at Answers in Genesis, the Creation Museum, and the Ark Encounter in Northern Kentucky!

Isn’t that thrilling news? Hambo is hiring! He says:

You can join our growing team, working for a ministry that shares the message of biblical authority and the gospel daily.

Ooooooooooooh! It’s not just the opportunity of a lifetime, it’s the greatest opportunity of all time! Hambo tells us:

I recently chatted with several of our VPs about open positions in their departments. You can watch that video below:

The video is embedded in Hambo’s post. Click over there and watch it — if that’s your pleasure. He continues:

Also, we employ hundreds of seasonals for our busy spring, summer, and fall seasons. [Wowie, seasonal work!] We’d love for you to apply if you feel any of these jobs may be a good fit for your skill set. Please apply today at [Jobs at Answers in Genesis].

That’s the end of Hambo’s post, but it’s only the beginning of your adventure, dear reader. Click over there to look at all those jobs he’s got available. Here are just a few of the opportunities we noticed at his jobs site:

Seasonal – Ark Encounter Specialist. 300 openings available! The ideal candidate is passionate about the Ark Encounter’s vision and serving others, enthusiastic, energetic, an excellent multi-tasker, and able and willing to fill or change positions quickly. Bilingual skills are a plus.

Specialist – Housekeeping (First Shift) . 2 openings available! Receives direction and responsibilities from the Housekeeping Supervisor. Participates in a wide range of housekeeping duties to ensure that every area our staff and guests are exposed to is clean, healthy, and attractive with specific attention to the cleanliness of the whole Creation Museum facility.

• And too many more to list here!

Best of all, you and everyone else who works for ol’ Hambo will sign up and agree to AIG’s Statement of Faith. Okay, dear reader, now head for Kentucky to find your dream job working for ol’ Hambo. And hey — tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “You Can Work for Ol’ Hambo — Wowie!

  1. I was all excited when I clicked over to the Jobs page and found a subsection entitled Fabrication!

    Alas, it did not turn out to be what I had assumed…

  2. @Megalonyx
    “Fabrication” – that is a synonym for “design”!

  3. I once managed a web site for a major non-profit agency, but I don’t think I’ll apply. Thank anyway, Hambone.

  4. I dunno. I still think that Chief Fabricator at Answers in Genesis would be quite something to put in ones curriculum vitae…

  5. The Flat Earth society should move in next door and steal some of Ken’ clientele.

  6. Michael Fugate

    “ The only legitimate marriage sanctioned by God is the joining of one naturally born man and one naturally born woman in a single, exclusive union, as delineated in Scripture. God intends sexual intimacy to only occur between a man and a woman who are married to each other, and has commanded that no intimate sexual activity be engaged in outside of a marriage between a man and a woman. Any form of sexual immorality, such as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexual conduct, bestiality, incest, pornography, or any attempt to change one’s gender, or disagreement with one’s biological gender, is sinful and offensive to God.”

    So many OT patriarchs were in violation – sinful and offensive – no less.

    Also one would be interested in knowing the definition of a “natural man” and “natural woman”.

  7. @Michael Fugate
    How many examples does the Bible present of this proper behavior?

  8. Michael Fugate

    Paul claimed only the weak got married – real men didn’t let women distract them from their primary purpose – evangelizing.

  9. In Genesis 38, JHVH kills Er, son of Judah, for unspecified reasons. Onan, Judah’s second son, has the duty to impregnate his brother’s widow, Tamar, but pulls out, so JHVH kills him too. Judah then denies Tamar her right to be impregnated by his third son, so Tamar cunningly pretends to be a whore and gets herself knocked up by Judah, who then admits that he was in the wrong and Tamar legitimately tricked him.
    I am wondering how Ken Ham can square this scriptural approval of Tamar’s behaviour with his rather strange view of Biblical marriage.

  10. Michael Fugate

    I am curious how Christianity survived given that Jesus never returned. This would seem a fatal flaw, but yet it wasn’t. A sect preparing for an apocalypse that didn’t transpire. Odd.

  11. chris schilling

    Lots of food for thought from the regulars, today. Since Australia is in a pre-apocalyptic mood right now — who needs a free fire zone? — here’s my two cents:

    I hope this is the End Times, and Jesus comes back! There’s a great scene in ‘Hannah and Her Sisters’, when Max von Sydow (playing a curmudgeon!) goes on a long rant about the rotten state of the world, and ends with: “If Jesus came back, he’d never stop throwing up.”

    There was this documentary I saw once, about the Nazis. There was a guy who resembled Harrison Ford in it, cracking a bullwhip and running around trying to locate the Ark of the Covenant, and beat the Nazis to it. Thing was, the Nazis wanted to see the Ark opened and come face to face with…who knows? God, maybe. Boy, did they get their wish!

    Faces melted; heads exploded; you name it — the complete works! Those Nazis got their comeuppance!
    (Moral: Be careful what you wish for, Nazis and Christians!).

    I’m kind of hoping something like that takes place for Ken Ham and Ray Comfort and all the other cruddy ‘vangies, when Jesus finally comes back.

  12. To pick up some stuff at random:

    chris schilling, Australia is a free fire zone, at present.

    Michael Fugate: The early church’s reaction to the non-appearance of Jesus when all of that generation had died off, as promised, was two-fold.

    One reaction is found at 2 Peter 3:8, written sometime around the turn of the first century, most likely. The faithful are enjoined that it wouldn’t matter if it took a thousand years, because what’s a thousand years to God? (Brother, that writer – certainly not Peter the Fisherman – didn’t know more than the half of it.) Unfortunately, that didn’t cut the mustard, the words of Jesus being pretty much undeniable – He said that some of the people who were listening to Him then would not die before He returned in glory among the clouds, with angels, gather up the Chosen, Heaven and Earth would pass away, yadayadayada. Matthew 24:29 ff. Didn’t happen. Hasn’t happened yet.

    Well, what’s an evangelist to do? Answer: What every Biblical literalist does when confronted with a passage of scripture – in this case the words of Jesus Himself – that says something obviously wrong. At that point, literal interpretation goes out the window, and to blazes with the plain and simple meaning of the words. We turn to metaphor. Jesus meant something else. His transfiguration, maybe, or his resurrection or his appearances after death. Something other than what mere scoffers and blasphemers think the words mean, just because they actually mean that. Those who understand these things – not you unbelievers, of course, but godly people – know all this without having to think about it. Especially without having to think about it.

    jimroberts: Marriage, schmarriage. Onan tried not to get his widowed sister-in-law pregnant out of sheer selfishness. He would have been responsible for the woman and the child, and would have to take them into his own house, although the child would be accounted his brother’s heir. This wasn’t exactly like a marriage – Levirite marriage, it’s called. It’s more like a form of social security for the widow. Leviticus 20:21 specifically prohibits “taking” a brother’s wife – but this would be his widow, not his wife, death having parted them. Verse 11 of the same chapter prescribes the death penalty for sexual intercourse with one’s father’s wife, implying not merely with one’s mother, but with any of dad’s wives. Of course polygyny and concubinage – and sexual slavery – was also permitted in the OT. Plus the other little sexual idiosyncrasies Yahweh displayed from time to time, like when Lot’s daughters gleefully shagged him, apparently with God’s approval, but all Ham had to do was to see his father naked, apparently by accident, to be cursed with permanent slavery.

    Then, as noted by Michael Fugate, there’s Paul describing marriage – even the best of Christian marriages – as a sort of second-best, for those not up to his standard of godliness. We find the traditional Christian disdain for the institution starting there, as with much else that is wrong with the religion. That disdain is still present in the Roman Catholic church in the form of clerical celibacy as an ideal, with disastrous effect. Paul has a lot to answer for. But then again, so does Ken Ham, who is a liar and a hypocrite, as proven by his conscienceless assertions about marriage, which are almost entirely unsupported by the scripture he asserts is alone authoritative.

    I have few reasons for wishing that there could be a judgement to come. I’m for the long drop, if it comes to that, but I don’t think there will be one, except by the people who know you, and that will be forgotten soon enough. But one reason is the hope that before I receive my own ticket, I will get to watch Ken Ham’s face as he receives his.

    But there. We are enjoined to abandon hope at that point.

  13. chris schilling

    The story of Lot after the annihilation of Sodom and Gomorrah has to count as one of the most weird and kinky episodes in the OT. Not to mention almost physiologically unheard of: The daughters get the old man plastered, and he still manages to er…rise to the occasion?

    Miracles indeed.

  14. There are plenty of disfunctional marriages in the Bible. But is there any which the Bible makes a point of telling us that it fits the ideal that is described thus: “The only legitimate marriage sanctioned by God is the joining of one naturally born man and one naturally born woman in a single, exclusive union, as delineated in Scripture.” – that is, supposedly “as delineated in Scripture”? Maybe there are some which we are to assume, without evidence to the contrary, that they are “legitimate” – but I’d like to see an example of Scripture delineating that, making a point of “see, this is a legitimate marriage”.
    BTW, is there some reason why this description does not mention “until death do us part”?

  15. @MichaelF asks a question with a simple answer:

    “I am curious how Christianity survived given that Jesus never returned. ”
    It’s a classical (in both meanings of the word) case of cognitive dissonance. The four canonical gospels were written after the destruction of the Jerusalem Temple (70 CE) exactly to deal with this problem. Just compare the Wikipedia entry (cognitive dissonance).

  16. Michael Fugate

    TomS, that is an interesting point – I don’t remember any examples of a good Christian marriage related as such. For most of history in the Abrahamic faiths, women have been considered property not partners. Jesus’ admonition about divorce is more about women’s rights than about divorce, but the male power structure managed to spin it so that women go from being dumped with nothing to being stuck with abusers. Not really a win for empowerment.

    If one is delivered by caesarian, is one naturally born?

  17. Dave Luckett

    Or conceived in vitro? Or with any sort of human intervention in the conception, carriage to term, and/or birth? If there were no birth possible without these, or if the outcome were disastrous or fatal, surely the Almighty has delivered judgement? How dare you set at naught the plain intentions of Almighty God?

    That sort of toxic garbage is meat and drink to religion – well, creed-and-theology based religion. (Other styles of religion have their own aberrations.) But if you ever want to see what insane antics human reasoning can perform when presented with a simple principle and given scope to chase down all its implications and ramifications, have a look at Calvin and Predestination. Anybody who could come up with that as anything but satire, actually believe it, and then worship the monster it makes God out to be, needs his values adjusted, while being closely supervised in residential care, somewhere far out in the country.

  18. I once heard – and I would like to be corrected if this is not true – that there was a scriptural objection to pain killers in birth. Genesis 3:16 says that there will be pain in giving birth.