Hambo’s Festival of Creationist Clunkers

How many brain-warping clunkers can you find in this new post by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Firefighters Save Trees That Outlived the Dinosaurs . . . But Was That Millions of Years Ago? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Devastating wildfires have been burning throughout my home country of Australia for several months now. [We heard about it.] Firefighters and others have been working tirelessly, risking their lives, attempting to save people, homes, animals, and more from the fires. And one of the things they successfully saved was the only known grove of Wollemi pines — a species of tree I love talking about. Why?

He tells us why:

Well, this particular type of trees is believed by evolutionists to be older than the dinosaurs, according to secular dating. [Secular dating? Yuk!] They were thought to have been extinct a long time. That is until 1994, when an officer with the New South Wales National Parks and Wildlife Service ventured into a small canyon (the location is still a secret) and saw trees he didn’t recognize. Biologists later realized these were the trees believed to have gone extinct many millions of years ago. Yet they were alive and well in this small canyon.

Wikipedia has an article on Wollemia nobilis, which isn’t exactly a pine, but it’s close enough. To some extent, Ol’ Hambo is reasonably accurate so far — but it quickly gets wild. You’ll see. He says:

Amazingly (actually not at all that amazing when you think about it), the trees hadn’t changed in millions of years — they looked just like their fossil counterparts. I guess they must have forgotten to evolve — despite the massive changes that were supposedly taking place on earth at that time (such as the extinction of the dinosaurs).

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! There are trees all over the planet that are evolved descendants of the trees Hambo is talking about. Actually, his remarks are the same as asking: “Why are there still monkeys?” But hang on — it gets better. He tells us:

The Wollemi pine is a reminder that evolution is just a fairy tale. [Hee hee!] It didn’t happen! These trees are part of a kind created on day three of creation week. Many of them were buried during the flood just a few thousand years ago, but some survived and their progeny can be found growing wild in a secret location in Wollemi National Park.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! He continues:

But since, to our knowledge, dinosaurs have indeed gone extinct since the flood [Groan!], these trees indeed outlived the dinosaurs! But only by a few millennia (or even a few centuries), certainly not by millions of years.

There’s a bit more to Hambo’s post, including some pictures he says he took of the trees, but we’ve already seen the good stuff so we’re leaving him here. Hey — did you count the clunkers? He included creation week, young Earth, recent dinosaurs, the Flood, fairy tale evolution, and what else? Let us know if we missed anything.

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18 responses to “Hambo’s Festival of Creationist Clunkers

  1. There is a recurring fallacy in creationism. Confusing what is said of individuals with what is said of the group.
    In this case, the age of trees with the age of the species – or of the “kind” (something like a taxonomic family).
    It is familiar as the confusion of creation of Adam, Eve, or you – and creation of the species, or “mankind”.

  2. Michael Fugate

    So they survived under sea water for months?

  3. Dave Luckett

    Australia is home to a large number of relict species. Of course there’s the famous ones, the monotreme and marsupial mammals, but there are also many insects and arachnids as well. We have very primitive (meaning, “similar to the first species to appear in the fossil record”) ants and bees, and whole families of spiders, and of course plants. The Wollemi pine is one, and remarkable, but only one of many.

    How to explain these survivals? Why are there so many of them in Australia? What is it about Australia that was conducive to their survival? Ham, of course, has no response to that question other than “Goddidit”. Tectonic movement of the continents does provide one, though. Australia was isolated from other continents by wide seas and oceans late in the Jurassic, while remaining environmentally stable, pretty much. Its life forms took a unique direction since then, with some surviving. But this process, “continental drift”, requires deep time – Ham’s execrated “millions of years”. That is one more explanation of observations that science provides that Ham’s version of Christianity can’t. It’s one more reason for rejecting the latter.

    But of course Ham is impervious to reason, facts, logic or evidence. Professionally so.

  4. Why is the location of this Valley of the Gwangai where the wallemi pine thrives (“still”) a secret?

  5. @Dave Luckett
    “If a theory claims to be able to explain some phenomenon but does not generate even an attempt at an explanation, then it should be banished.”
    Behe. Darwin’s Black Box p. 186

  6. James Chapman

    This is essentially the old “why are there still monkeys?” argument. Plus ça change…

  7. “Let us know if we missed anything”
    I guess “living fossil” is the description they are using. Would love to hear from Ken how those Wollemi pines managed to survive for a whole year submerged in water.

  8. @Hans: Ol’Hambo wasn’t there and his favourite Holy Book remains silent on the topic. So Ol’Hambo having more sense than all of us together prefers to leave your questioned unanswered.

    @TomS: the best quote that ever came from our favourite witness at the Dover-Kitzmiller trial. Because he even this managed to get wrong!

  9. Remember that the Bible tells that the dove that Noah sent returned with an olive leaf, so apparently that olive survived the Flood.

  10. TomS writes: “Remember that the Bible tells that the dove that Noah sent returned with an olive leaf, so apparently that olive survived the Flood.”

    Or YHWH just poofed a new Olive tree into existence on top the hill to give Noah the sign he needed.

    See, once you have magic to explain things, you’re unstoppable!

  11. Michael Fugate

    More likely it was story made up around the campfire and has very little resemblance to reality.

  12. @Kosh
    Of course, God could have just simulated the whole Flood thingy for the passengers on the ark.

  13. Ken Ham is no longer an Australian, we rejected him!!
    You can keep him, no charge 😉

  14. chris schilling

    Australia exports all its worst products to America:
    Vegemite; Rupert Murdoch; Air Supply…the list goes on.

    And the Americans keep taking them! What’s wrong with you people! Some countries would declare war over that sort of insolence.

  15. Karl Goldsmith

    How can they not have evolved? When according to the figures from Ken Ham, everything would have had new species just appearing every day.

  16. Ashley Haworth-roberts

    Some further comments about Mr Ken (don’t confuse me with facts I have a ‘biblical’ worldview which trumps contrary facts) Ham:

  17. @Ashley Haworth-roberts
    Thank you. This brings up the issue of pollkihation of plants.
    There are plants which are pollinated by animals: bees, butterflies, wasps, beetles, birds and bats, as well as by wind and rain. See the Wikipedia article “Pollination syndrome”.
    This seems to be difficult under deep water.

  18. @Hardrada I’m not sure that “secret” is the best word to describe the location of the pines; after all, the location of “The Wollemi National Park” is well documented. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that the exact location of the trees within the park is “not publicised”.

    As I understand it, the pines are distributed over a relatively small area. There is a belief that publicising the location would put the trees and their habitat at risk. So much so, there are strenuous on-going efforts by various state agencies to clone and grow the trees in commercial nurseries so that the pines can be made available to the public without requiring disturbance to their existing habitat.

    I’m reasonably sure that experienced bush-walkers familiar with the region might know (or could find out) the location. But otherwise the Australian public seems content to live in blissful ignorance of the GPS coordinates. And possibly even Ken ham might be OK with that.