Hambo Is Really Impressed by Neanderthals

We are always surprised by what we find at the personal blog of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He seems to have an obsession with Neanderthals, because he’s been writing so much about them lately — and they’re not mentioned in scripture at all.

He posted this a couple of days ago: Study: Neanderthals Could Swim and Dive. It’s the latest in a whole series of Neanderthal posts, most recently Hambo and the Neanderthals. Before that there was Hambo and His Neanderthal Relatives, and also Hambo Says Neanderthals Were Fully Human.

We know you’re anxious to learn what he’s saying now, so here are some excerpts from his new post, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

When you first learned about Neanderthals, you were probably told they were less-than-intelligent brutes who lived a primitive lifestyle a long time ago. I was told that when I went to high school and university. That’s how they’re still depicted in many museums, textbooks, and in the popular imagination.

That can’t be right. If they’re primitive brutes, that means they’re part of the sinful concept of evolution. Hambo says:

But that story simply doesn’t match with what we now know about Neanderthals. And that was confirmed yet again in a recent study of seashells.

That “recent study” Hambo mentioned is a link to this article at Fox News: Neanderthal beachcombers went diving for seashells, scientists discover. One thing in that story Hambo doesn’t mention is this:

The closest human species to homo sapiens, Neanderthals lived in Eurasia for around 350,000 years. Scientists in Poland report that Neanderthals in Europe mostly became extinct 35,000 years ago.

Let’s see what Hambo found interesting enough to blog about. He tells us:

Scientists recently examined shells they associate with Neanderthals, discovered in a beachside cave in Italy back in 1949. These shells had been modified to serve as tools, something that has been known for a long time. But a closer look at some of the shell tools, particularly how rough or smooth the edges and faces were, revealed that Neanderthals appear to have grabbed some of them from off the beach, but others required they dive six to thirteen feet to harvest the living organism from the ocean floor.

What does that mean to Hambo? He continues:

The lead author of the study says,

[Fox News quotes Paola Villa:] People are beginning to understand that Neanderthals didn’t just hunt large mammals . . . .They also did things like freshwater fishing and even skin diving.

Why does that impress Hambo? Let’s read on:

The picture of Neanderthals keeps changing as more and more evidence confirms that they were intelligent and capable of taking advantage of the resources around them, just as modern man is.

Well, apparently they could dive for shellfish. For some reason that means a lot to Hambo. He says:

That is exactly what was expected from a biblical worldview. [What?] Neanderthals are humans, just like us, made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), descendants of Adam and Eve.

It’s difficult to believe that even Hambo could write something like that and actually post it on his website, but that’s what he did. He finishes with this:

Far from being mysterious human cousins, they are descendants of Noah’s family, who lived in the harsh world after the flood. And, apparently, some of them enjoyed shellfish!

It doesn’t take much to impress ol’ Hambo. But then, why should it? He spends his days surrounded by creationists.

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11 responses to “Hambo Is Really Impressed by Neanderthals

  1. Collecting non-beach worn seashells does not require diving down. They can be found on beaches after storms by the millions. Not sure that’s an entirely conclusive interpretation.

  2. Off-topic, unless one considers Nigel Farage to be Neanderthal, but I couldn’t help but think of our good friend Megalonyx as I read this op-ed in today’s NY Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/31/opinion/brexit-uk.html?searchResultPosition=1

  3. Charley Horse X

    Okay….the Galapagos iguanas…the only marine/ aquatic lizard known…learned / evolved the ability to dive for food in the ocean. Which makes them just as smart as the imported Ham…according to him.

  4. The only things I can’t believe Ol’Hambo would write on his creacrap blog are things like “the Universe is 13,7 billion years old” and “humans and chimps have the same ancestors”.

  5. Charles Deetz ;)

    He probably pretends the president is not a cheat or liar, too. And thinks the president really is a man of god. Fools himself on the little and big facts of the world that are too inconvenient.

  6. Hambo informs us:

    Far from being mysterious human cousins, they are descendants of Noah’s family, who lived in the harsh world after the flood. And, apparently, some of them enjoyed shellfish!

    Presumably, they enjoyed them while they could, prior to the writing of Leviticus and Deuteronomy

  7. @ Pope Retiredsciguy: Thanks for that link. 🙂

    A simple question I regularly consider: list, in order of severity, the problems our species face. Then separate that list into two lists: one is the list of problems that a national government can solve on its own, and the second a list of problems that require, if they are soluable at all, high levels of international co-operation and agreement.

    Then, consider the barriers to international co-operation which are thrown up by emotional and reactionary populism.

    Conclusion: we’re most likely doomed. I just hope the cockroaches will fare better when they’ve become this planet’s dominant species…

  8. Yeah, Mega, that’s a sentiment I recognize. Due to all the hilarious absurdism involved with Brexit I tend to forget something way, way more inconvenient for a Dutchman like me.

    1. The municipality I live in is one of the worst when it comes to energy transition (I can’t imagine DaveL deny its necessity).
    2. The province in which my municipality resides is just 5th out of 12 provinces; that’s only because of the strategically placed wind farm at Eemshaven. The fact that this province pretty often enjoys earthquakes after about 60 years of mining of gas for some reason doesn’t have much of an impact on the support for sustainable energy sources.
    3. The Netherlands is the worst doing in the entire EU; perhaps illustrous non-members like San Marino and Vatican City do even worse, perhaps not.

    The fact that we Dutchies last January on several days could walk outside without wearing a coat doesn’t make much of an impression either. The days of skating on natural ice are nearly over.

    So remember, my Schadenfreude due to the Brexit only hides how embarrassed the leaders and people of my native country make me feel …..

  9. Eddie Janssen

    What happens when in 5 or 10 years Britain gets a Labour/Lib-Dem gouvernment. Are they going to re-apply for membership?
    @Frank B
    Well, well, same province. I am a Stadjer.

  10. BTW
    There is recent evidence for Neanderthal DNA in Africa.

    “Africans carry surprising amount of Neanderthal DNA”
    in “Science” magazine January 30

    “For 10 years, geneticists have told the story of how Neanderthals—or at least their DNA sequences—live on in today’s Europeans, Asians, and their descendants. Not so in Africans, the story goes, because modern humans and our extinct cousins interbred only outside of Africa. A new study overturns that notion, revealing an unexpectedly large amount of Neanderthal ancestry in modern populations across Africa. It suggests much of that DNA came from Europeans migrating back into Africa over the past 20,000 years.”

  11. How do you know this , Ken?…… WERE YOU THERE?