Hambo Recommends a Bible Movie

It’s hard to believe, but this is the only “news” we could find to blog about. It’s from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Patterns of Evidence: The Red Sea Miracle in Theaters Tomorrow. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Tomorrow (February 18) is your only opportunity to see the incredible documentary Patterns of Evidence: The Red Sea Miracle Part I in theaters. This powerful film about the miraculous crossing of the Red Sea is only in US theaters one night, and you don’t want to miss it!

Our regular readers already know about this. Hambo was touting the thing a month ago, and we blogged about it then — see Hambo and the Parting of the Red Sea. But the showing is tomorrow, so maybe it’s worth another mention. Hambo says:

Many view the crossing of the Red Sea as a great story, and the fodder for some great films. However, they might not see it a historical event. [Godless fools!] And yet Scripture refers to it over and over again as not only real history but as a powerful miracle that saved God’s people and destroyed their enemies.

If scripture mentions it, then it must be true. Hambo tells us:

With this new documentary, filmmaker Tim Mahoney explores the historicity of this incredible miracle as he seeks to discover if it really happened. Did the exodus really happen? How many people were involved? Where did they cross the Red Sea? Is there any archaeological evidence of this event?

We have no doubt that the guy found an ark-load of evidence. Hambo continues:

And we have a special treat for you immediately after the film [O goodie!] Todd Starnes will be moderating a post-movie panel discussion featuring Kay Arthur, Jeremy Lyons, Janet Mefferd, and me. This discussion was filmed before a live audience at the 2,500-seat Answers Center at the Ark Encounter. You won’t want to miss it!

A post-movie panel discussion about a pre-movie discussion? Jeepers, it sounds great! Let’s read on:

And The Red Sea Miracle, Part II will be in US theaters May 5, 2020 [Gasp!], so be sure to mark your calendars and reserve tickets for that showing — you don’t want to catch part one and miss part two!

He’s right. You gotta see them both! Here’s the end of Hambo’s post:

I encourage you to go and see this film tomorrow. Find all the details, and a theater near you, at PatternsofEvidence.com.

Okay, dear reader. Hambo’s done his part, and we’ve done ours. Now it’s up to you. Go see the thing, then get back here and tell us about it.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “Hambo Recommends a Bible Movie

  1. Douglas Swartzendruber

    Why visit the Kentucky’s ark or see the movie – go for the real deal tours!!

  2. siluriantrilobite

    Remember that We Believe In Dinosaurs is on PBS’s Independent Lens tonight for free. Check your local listings>

  3. Well, rats! That’s Feburary 18 or Goateenth, the night of the quarterly goat sacrifice. I bet old Hambo picked that date specially! There will be heck to pay.

  4. Douglas Swartzenruber: Ron Wyatt! Now that’s a name to conjure with! Not to mention hocus-pocus, oogity boogity, hey-presto and now you see it, now you don’t, with. This is the bloke who discovered (and photographed!) Pharaoh’s chariot wheels at the bottom of the Red Sea, two hundred feet down. So all right, it was awfully well-lit for that depth and maybe it wasn’t the Red Sea but that dingus that sticks up from it, the Gulf of Aqaba, and OK, come to think of it the images were “enhanced” (ie photoshopped) and no, we didn’t bring back samples of the material on account of we was really respectful and that, and we sure aren’t going to say exactly where this was, not to a bunch of sceptics and scoffers. Or anybody else, for that matter.

    He also found Sodom and Gomorrah, the Tower of Babel, the Garden of Eden and, oh yeah, a column set up by Moses hisself on the shores of the Red Sea, where they made the crossing, with Hebrew writing on it and all, only the Saudis removed it as soon as they knew, on account of they don’t believe in Moses, the heathen. Also the altar the Hebrews made in the Sinai to worship the Golden Calf.

    Now, that’s a fellow who has made his professional training count. If it had only been in archaeology rather than in nursing, think what he could have found!

    I suppose there’s no point in telling this audience that there’s no evidence ouside Exodus for a wholesale Hebrew migration from Egypt to Palestine. None, nothing, nada, zilch, nichevo, aucune. There is a probable mention of Israel on an Egyptian stele (column) that can be dated to 1208 BCE, but already as a settled entity. There are Canaanite records that mention a people called “Hapiru” or “Habiru” going back to 1800 BCE, and there is archaeological evidence for a new kind of village and different styles of pottery going back to the same general date in the hill country south of Galilee and the Jordan Valley, but that’s it. It looks far more like the gradual establishment of a new settled culture, not an emigration – at least not en masse.

    There’s interesting sidelights. The “Song of the Sea”, Miriam’s song at Exodus 15:21, is clearly in a more archaic Hebrew than the earlier verse. It might represent an earlier tradition than the rest of the text. For it seems from internal evidence that the material of Exodus dates from at least four hundred years after the events it claims to record. It doesn’t name the Pharoah, and uses that word invariably as an epithet for him. But “Pharaoh” is a title – it means “Great House” – and though it was a very early title, it wasn’t used as the sole identifier of the King of Egypt until about the eighth century BCE – very late, in Egyptian terms. The scribes who redacted and retold the tale were later still – the consensus is sixth century BCE.

    In short, the story of the Exodus and Moses has about the same claims to factual reality as has the story of King Arthur and the Holy Grail. They’re legends. Legends are apparently always like pearls, layer after layer of much prettier material built up around an irritant, producing at the end something far different from the original. There might be something there at the core, but it’s always far smaller and uglier than the result.

    But of course it’s no use telling Ham that. He knows what he’s doing – he’s telling a specific population what they want to hear. There’s money to be made, doing that.

  5. chris schilling

    Of course the Exodus really happened. Moses existed, didn’t he? I saw a lot of films starring Moses when I was a kid.

    God entrusted Moses with the Ten Commandments ’cause Moses led the Israelites — those stiff-necked nebbishes — out of Egypt into…er, more Egypt, and Moses had some important stuff to impart to them. The Commandments, yes, they were helpful. But the key thing Moses told everyone was this: “SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!”

    And something about not to covet your neighbour’s wife’s ass. That’s all I remember, really.

  6. If there is so little news I’ll give you another way to waste your money.

    “Unbelievable! Diary for children about God and science”
    [Admit it, this caught your attention. Here’s the link:]


    “De intentie van dit boekje is kinderen te leren hoe bijzonder, hoe onvoorstelbaar creatief en oneindig groot God is. Maar ook hoe dichtbij Hij is. Hij kent al je gedachten, zelfs nog voordat jij ze gedacht hebt.”

    “The intention of this little book is to teach children how special, how unimaginable creative and infinetely great God is. But also how close He is to you. He knows all your thoughts, even before you have thought them.”

    Yup, the creationist god is a creepy kids stalker. This book obviously is indispensable for responsible parents.
    Of course they already have bought Playmobil for them.


    “Het mooie is dat Playmobil geen miljoenen jaren noemt en doet voorkomen dat het de normaalste zaak van de wereld is dat dinosauriërs en mensen met elkaar samen kunnen leven.”

    “What makes Playmobil so great is that it doesn’t talk about millions of years and makes it look like totally normal that dinos and humans can live together.”

    As an incurable athiest evilutionist nazicommie of course I call this child abuse.

  7. Aaargghh! The spirit of our dear SC’s former splendid Dobermann haunts me.
    “Yup, the creationist god is a …..”

  8. FrankB quotes a Dutch Creationist about the Supreme Diety:

    “He knows all your thoughts, even before you have thought them.”

    Jeepers! God is Jeff Bezos!

  9. “Diety”? Musta been a Freudian slip…

  10. Miss Scarlett is still splendid.

  11. Gee, I’ll have to tune in. Maybe one of Hambone’s fine scholars will explain why the Israelite’s goddy thing (who apparently is Hambone’s favorite god, blessed be he/she/it) needed to go to all the work to part the Red Sea somewhere, when anyone could have walked peacefully to Ismailia to Be’er Sheva before the Suez Canal was dug. I doubt any of Hamie’s scholars is a physicist, but if one is, perhaps they will demonstrate on a white board how to calculate the amount of energy needed to move all that H20 and why that didn’t steam the friends of the god thing waiting patiently on the shore. And maybe one of the scholars will explain how the Egyptian military patrols missed the migrants in the desert and the bond bread falling from the sky.

  12. See the Wikipedia article “Yam Suph”. What is the KJV’s Red Sea?

  13. Easy, Abeastwood. God’s omnipotency covers everything physics can’t explain. This principle is called “goddiddid”, a core element of creacrap. The amount of energy needed? God can provide it. Perfect isolation for the folks waiting on the shore? God knew how a fridge works long before Homo Sapiens invented it. Egyptian military patrols not looking in the right direction? God blinded them.
    Really, you can’t beat creacrap.

  14. @FrankB
    And there are countless other possibilities that were available to the supernatural that we can never be aware of for we have not been told.
    How can we know? We weren’t there? Why speculate? If we were meant to know, we would have been told.

  15. @TomS: I don’t think I need to spell out what Ol’Hambo would reply to “we would have been told” …..

  16. Douglas Swartzendruber

    Dave L – thanks for your delightful and informative mini-essay on Ron Wyatt!