Surprise: Creatures Are Living in the Ocean

If you’re a typical Darwinist ignoramus, you’re probably unaware that there are creatures that live in the sea. Well, prepare to be amazed by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: “Here is the Sea, Great and Wide, Which Teems with Creatures Innumerable”. You don’t recognize that quote, do you? That’s because you’re a hell-bound Darwinist fool! All will be explained as we give you some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Hambo begins with a scripture quote that explains the title of his post:

“O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable, living things both small and great” (Psalm 104:24–25).

Then he says:

No matter where you search on this planet, you will more than likely find life (even if you can’t see it — it’s there!). One easy spot to find life is in the water — the oceans and other bodies of water are literally teeming with it. And all these creatures give glory to their Creator.

You didn’t know that, did you? But it’s true — there is life in the water! After revealing that stunning information to his drooling followers — and to you — Hambo tells us:

Discover just a few of the creatures that inhabit watery worlds in a brand-new documentary coming as a special worldwide pay-per-view event, March 6, 2020.

Ooooooooooooh! This is exciting! Hambo continues:

In The Riot and the Dance: Water [link omitted], biologist Dr. Gordon Wilson does an excellent job showcasing the incredible life that thrives in oceans, lakes, rivers, and ponds.

You never heard of Gordon Wilson? Here’s AIG’s bio info on him. They say he teaches at New Saint Andrews College in Moscow, Idaho, which Wikipedia says is essentially a bible college. Let’s read on:

Don’t miss this documentary! It’s very rare to find a nature documentary, especially of this quality, that gives glory to God, not to evolution or to Mother Earth, and shares a biblical worldview. [It sounds wonderful!] We need more programs like this, so I urge you to support this pay-per-view event.

That’s a reasonable request. And now we come to the end:

Not only does your support help the production of such documentaries, but such programs are phenomenal biblical worldview teaching tools for your family. Find all the details at [Link omitted.]

And so, dear reader, you’ll never look at the ocean the same way as before. Now, instead of thinking “There’s a bunch of water,” you’ll be thinking: “There’s life in there!” And you can thank ol’ Hambo for providing you with this information.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “Surprise: Creatures Are Living in the Ocean

  1. “And all these creatures give glory to their Creator.”
    I’ll think of this the next time some bacteria cause diarrhea and I have to run for the toilet every five minutes.

    “It’s very rare to find a nature documentary …..”

    has been broadcasting them for more than half a century and I can watch them for free. Even our dear SC’s favourite animal hasn’t escaped their attention:

  2. Laurette McGovern

    Why bother? All you have to do (right now) is view any of the excellent life history documentaries featuring “creatures innumerable” by the esteemed Sir David Attenbourough.

  3. Michael Fugate

    Wilson is a Calvinist – teaches at a Calvinist school and also taught at
    Liberty U while a grad student. He also believes that Genesis is written as history – because hermeneutics – something he has no background in.
    He wrote a “biology” textbook where he claims nature can produce nothing “novel” – only the supernatural can do that.

  4. “We need more programs like this, so I urge you to support this pay-per-view event”

    I sent my prayers. I really hope they will have the effects we can expect from God.

    I use money for the causes who are not backed by Supernatural Beings.

  5. It is stunning , based on the ignorance and science hatred on display in this AIG article that the Curmudgeon has shared , that anyone would give this charlatan money.

  6. chris schilling

    The Rot and the Dunce:
    “One easy spot to find life is in the water.”

    Only a creationist could trumpet the bleedin’ obvious as news. Next they’ll tell us the easiest way to spot stars is at night.

    Moscow, Idaho: is that like Paris, Texas?

  7. chris schilling

    I had a pet dung beetle once. I named him Sisyphus.

  8. Chris Schilling: Yes, and its also like Cairo, IL, (pronounced Kay-ro). Or Boston MA or New York NY or London, Ontario, or Perth Western Australia, for that matter. Why bother to make up a name, when there’s one ready-made?

  9. “Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable”

    At least Ken doesn’t need to worry about squeezing them into Noah’s Ark. But there is still the problem about freshwater species surviving, not to mention the wild temperature changes.

  10. hans435, those and all the other problems aren’t problems, if you believe in God the way a creationist does.

    There isn’t enough water on the planet to cover the continents. No problem! The ocean basins weren’t so deep before the Flood, so there was enough, when God said so. Windows of heaven, fountains of the great deep, y’know.

    But the land was dry, before the Flood. Where did the extra water to cover it come from? God made it! He made everything from nothing – you think making a little extra water is too hard for Him?

    So where did it go to afterwards? God resculpted the planet and deepened the ocean basins to take it!

    The heat of friction that would cause would boil the oceans. Not if God said otherwise!

    But such an almighty run-off from the continents would put an enormous amount of silt into the ocean basins – and it isn’t there. Ditto. God said otherwise.

    There’s no way a wooden ship of that size could ever hold together in a great ocean, especially under storm conditions. God sustained it!

    See? If you’re allowed to ring in any miracle you like, nothing is ever a problem. The sovereign power of God solves everything – the original universal solvent.

    There is, it’s true, another category of questions that requires a slightly differently worded answer. Basically the same, but with a different emphasis:

    So how come we don’t see a single stratum of flood deposits with a huge assortment of different creatures in it? How come we don’t see trilobites mixed up with crabs, or Amelocaris with tuna, or Eryops with alligators, or triceratops with rhinos? How come those pairs are always found in widely different strata? It pleased God to have it that way.

    Why would God arrange it that way, unless it was to give us a false impression – to confuse and trick us? Perhaps it was to test our faith – a test that plainly you have failed. But who knows the mind of God, Isaiah 40:13 yadayadayada.

    Once you buy into that mindset, nothing can make any difference. It’s either a miracle or it’s incomprensible to the mind of Man. That covers everything.

    What gets me about the Hams of this world is their hybrid nature. They want there to be a natural explanation, and they’ll adopt extremely bizarre handwaving in an attempt to find one, but there’s always the escape into what Our Host calls “oogity-boogity” if things get difficult, And they see no inconsistency in this at all.

  11. Spot on. That’s why the breathless creationist atttempts to weave a pseudonaturalistic story around their miracles are so hilarious.

  12. @Dave Lockett
    “No way a wooden ship …”
    And when moderns try to build a wooden ship according to their reading of the Bible, the best that they can do is something like the thing in Kentucky.
    It can’t float, it can’t house thousands of animals, it needs materials other than wood … and thus it shows that no way a wooden ship can be built to work like the Ark.

  13. chris schilling

    “…Amelocaris with tuna…”

    Couldn’t find anything on Amelocaris. Did you mean Anomalocaris?

    STUPID POEM #932

    O’ Amelocaris
    Why do you perplex us?
    Where do you reside?
    In Paris, Texas?🤔

  14. chris schilling: Let that be a lesson to me. Never write anything without checking the spelling.

  15. Tom B, I may post about that.

  16. No, I changed my mind. We’ve had fun with Mike Hughes before — e.g.: A Bold Voyage of Discovery, but now that he just died it’s not right to be amused. Perhaps some other time.

  17. Michael Fugate

    Darren Shuster, Hughes’ PR rep, said in the LA Times today, “I don’t think he believed it [flat earth]. He did have some governmental conspiracy theories. But don’t confuse it with that flat earth thing. That was a PR stunt we dreamed up.”

  18. I changed my mind again. It’s posted. Y’all behave yourselves.

  19. We used to watch the Moody Institute of Science films in my secular high school.