Work for Hambo and Find Fulfillment

This could be the most important thing we’ve ever written, so pay attention! It’s from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Looking for a Job Opportunity? We’re Hiring! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

As we move into the spring season, the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum are getting busier in preparation for our very popular seasons of spring and summer. That means we’re hiring for a wide variety of seasonal positions. [Ooooooooooooh! They’re hiring!] And we’d love to have you join the team! You can discover more about working with AiG at our job fair [link omitted], March 16, 2020. Maybe God is calling you to work at Answers in Genesis, the Creation Museum, and the Ark Encounter.

Are you being called to work for ol’ Hambo? Then answer the call! Hambo says:

This job fair is being hosted at the Ark Encounter (south of Cincinnati) from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Certain department leaders will be on-site for you to meet and speak with; interviews will take place that day. Those who successfully complete an initial qualifying interview will be invited to join in one of three brief guided tours at 12, 3, or 5 p.m. through our life-size Noah’s Ark, as well as enjoy the grounds and Ararat Ridge Zoo.

Will you be one of those who can successfully complete the initial qualifying interview? There’s only one way to find out! Hambo tells us:

Learn more about the job fair in this Facebook Live video I did recently. [Video embedded in Hambo’s post.] We’re hiring in multiple departments, including guest services, housekeeping, DPS, transportation, culinary, grounds, zookeeping, and more.

Grounds? Zookeeping? Wowie — you can have a job looking after the animals and cleaning up their waste — just like Noah and his family! Isn’t that wonderful? Hambo continues:

Some of these seasonal positions are full-time; others are part-time with flexible hours, with a variety of jobs for just about any interest. So we encourage you to apply today or make plans to attend our job fair.

If you can’t find what you’re looking for, there’s something wrong with you, dear reader. Hambo’s post ends with this:

I’m always in awe of the talent that God brings to AiG. We have an amazing staff and are very thankful for everyone who uses their God-given talents to further the AiG ministry. Find a full list of available jobs and apply today at Jobs at Answers in Genesis.

Dozens of jobs are listed there. Here are a few that got our attention, with just a hint of each job’s responsibilities:

Specialist – Housekeeping:

Receives direction and responsibilities from the Housekeeping Supervisor. Participates in a wide range of housekeeping duties to ensure that every area our staff and guests are exposed to is clean, healthy, and attractive with specific attention to the cleanliness of the whole Creation Museum facility.

Groundskeeper, Location: Williamstown, KY:

The Groundskeeper is responsible for day to day involvement in the growing of plants and implementation of reliable growing processes, including pesticide applications, irrigation, temperature, growing media, fertilization, nutrition, and monitoring the overall health of plants.

Zoo Keeper:

The Zoo Keeper position requires experience working with a variety of animal species in a working/educational zoo setting. The Zoo is an area to connect and teach guests about the vast biological information [Information!] possessed by the original created “kinds” [Kinds!] and how this has led to the many varieties of animals we have today.

That’s enough. You can easily search the job listings to find your rightful place. Oh, one more thing. Among the “requirements” for every job, we find the following:

• Faith-based: must agree with and be able to sign our Statement of Faith. [That’s here: Statement of Faith.]

• Committed: maintains a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

• Faithful: regularly attends a local Bible-believing church.

You wouldn’t be reading the Curmudgeon’s blog unless you were fully qualified for a job with ol’ Hambo, so now you have a decision to make. What will you do with the rest of your life? Isn’t it time you quit diddling around and embraced your destiny? Go to Kentucky and do what you’ve always known you were meant to do. And tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya!

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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6 responses to “Work for Hambo and Find Fulfillment

  1. As has been pointed out before, Noah’s Ark needed only 8 people, and they had to care for a lot more animals under rough sailing conditions.
    One more reason to doubt this realization of the story.

  2. “And we’d love to have you join the team!”
    I very much doubt if Ol’Hambo loves to have me joint the team.

    “Maybe God is calling …..”
    Or maybe not.

    “Those who successfully complete an initial qualifying interview …”
    Chances are higher that I will become president of the USA than pass this test.

    “there’s something wrong with you”
    That’s something I’ll never deny.

    “we find the following: ….”
    See? I already completely failed. Worse, I’m proud of it!

  3. @TomS: interesting question to ask Ol’Hambo. How comes that Noah only needed 7 assistents and Ol’Hambo so many more? I’d enjoy reading his answer.

  4. How do they get away with their faith requirement under antidiscrimination law? I can understand that having the correct faith is a requirement for those conducting tours, but groundskeeper, zookeeper, housekeeper?

  5. @Paul Braterman: They can’t have the groundskeepers telling the grass it shouldn’t love the baby Jesus after all.

  6. @Paul: They avoid anti-discrimination because they were successful in a lawsuit brought by the state (tried by a nut case judge). Then right wing nut case Governor Bevin decided not to appeal. Welcome to Kentucky! So while the case didn’t establish precedent, Hambo is free to discriminate based on anything he wants.