Creationist Wisdom #1,033: Beyond Description

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Daily Record of Ellensburg, Washington. It’s titled God is in charge of the weather, not Gov. Inslee. They have a comments feature, but there are no comments yet.

Because today’s writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is David. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!

Recently I saw some people with a sign which said, “There is no planet B.” I wondered if they really believed that if we do nothing about reducing atmospheric carbon, global warming will destroy our orderly planet.

David doesn’t believe that climate foolishness — or evolution either. He says:

For many years we have been teaching in our public schools and colleges that everything came about by fortuitous variations [What?], natural selection, and survival of the fittest. Now the fittest must fix what is wrong so it won’t collapse.

Ah yes, the “fortuitous variations” theory. Are you beginning to understand our title for this post? If not, you soon will, because there’s more on the way. David tells us:

Some of us still believe that there is a Creator, and he is in charge of the weather. [Yeah!] Some so-called scientists talk about an ice age. [The fools!] How was it, then, that things warmed up before the widespread use of fossil fuels, and how did these fuels get miles deep in the earth if there was no global flood? [Wow!] God caused the flood to end human violence and ended it when the job was done. He then promised Noah’s family that he would not do that again as long as the earth remains, and that warm and cold, and the seasons would continue, giving us the rainbow as a sign of his promise, and no, the account of the global flood is not a silly myth.

David explains why he knows the Flood isn’t a silly myth:

Archeology has shown that there has always been writing where mankind has been present. [Yeah, always!] The Genesis records are accurate, historical accounts, edited from 11 written documents, listed in Genesis.

Genesis is accurate! Let’s read on:

We should worry if the current governor were in charge of the weather. Modern so-called scientists are reading the wrong books. [The fools!] We can all read a thermometer but even the best weathermen can’t always accurately predict the weather, even in the short term, not to mention years out. Some people still don’t know what causes V.D. [What?]

That was a bit of a non sequitur, but we won’t worry about it. Here’s another excerpt:

Paranoid people may prognosticate but intelligent people [like David] need not cave in to their folly. If it all came about by fortuitous variations [Hee hee!], then stop worrying about extinction of species because evolution will fix it.

Evolution will fix it. And now we come to the end:

Remember the two laws of thermo-dynamics, and relax. If you don’t know what they are, look it up.

Go ahead, look up those — ah, two Laws of thermodynamics. Then, dear reader, you’ll be able to appreciate David’s great letter.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #1,033: Beyond Description

  1. “God caused the flood to end human violence”
    And David, how did that work out?

    Maybe we should introduce the Creacrap coefficient – how many stupidities per word can we find? David no doubt has a respectable high score.

  2. “Remember the two laws of thermo-dynamics, and relax. If you don’t know what they are, look it up.”

    And while you are at it David, you could always look up the other two Laws of Thermodynamics. Then relax.

  3. “…Now the fittest must fix what is wrong so it won’t collapse….” We is referring to the beetles since they are the fittest on this planet!!

    “…Creator, and he is in charge of the weather….” in which case your gawd is a psychotic ahole!!

  4. Dave Luckett

    “Archeology has shown that there has always been writing where mankind has been present.”

    Say what?

    And not just modern humans. “Mankind”, yet. Denisovans? Neanderthals? Homo erectus? Or are they just ape-kind, not mankind?

    Where do these crazies get their delusions from? Has he just made that up from whole cloth, or is there some crank that raves into a mic somewhere on the internet? If the latter, I can’t find it.

    This is not even whack-a-mole, or if it is, the moles are winning.

  5. I haven’t heard about the 11 written documents listed in Genesis which were edited to produce Genesis.
    There is the famous Documentary Hypothesis which has 4 documents. And there are scattered citations in the Pentateuch to outside references. And, of course there are the Ancient Nesr Eastern texts relating to the Bible.
    But a list of 11, cited in Genesis?

  6. Jim Roberts

    @TomS, I’m going to take a stab in the dark here, but I’m guessing that’s a reference to the 4 documents theory, conflated with the 7 fragmentary scrolls of Genesis found in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

  7. Charley Horse X

    Gods causing disastrous weather constantly around the globe even where humans don’t exist can’t be gods worthy of worshipping. But this letter writer thinks that is the best thing to do…..he’s not alone. He would be perfectly at ease answering the question “when did the first rainbow appear?”,

  8. Michael Fugate

    https://www.dailyrecordnews.com/scrapbook/three-couples-years-of-marriage-combined/article_b5cca587-71af-5190-80ae-4db9988a654d.html

    He claims to have a degree from a Bible college way back in the 50s.
    I wonder if the kids and grandkids are worried?

  9. I came acvross this book online
    Genesis Survey: Understanding the First Book of the Bible
    by Edwin Walhout
    Starting on page 3, he tells us about the eleven scrolls of Genesis. I don’t understand the justification, but on page 4 he writes that there are “elelven clearly marked subdivisions”.

  10. “The Genesis records are accurate, historical accounts, edited from 11 written documents, listed in Genesis”

    If David wants to see a really detailed – and probably accurate* – description in the Bible, he could try Exodus 25-30. In those chapters, God explains in painful details how to venerate him.
    I wonder if David follows God’s advices. If not, why?

    * 6 detailed chapters about how to worship God as compared to the 2 unsubstantial about the creation of the whole universe. Clearly, the authors of the bible had known much about how they worshiped their divinity and near nothing about cosmology.

  11. Some of us still believe that there is a Creator, and he is in charge of the weather.

    Next stop in this ‘logic’: sacrifice some virgins to end the drought!

  12. Uh, which two laws of thermodynamics.
    I just love the theists who claim that the second law of thermodynamics “proves” that we are miraculous. Once I see that I know they understand nothing and aren’t willing to learn anything and their arguments can be dismissed. They themselves cannot be dismissed because they vote, have gun permits, etc.

  13. @Steve Ruis
    And remember that the laws of thermodynamics are part of the fine tuning of nature. They are intelligently designed so that life is possible.

  14. The claimed lack of knowledge, in some people, regarding the cause of venereal disease (“V.D.”) made me laugh. Haven’t heard that term since watching “Good Times” as a child back in the 80’s.

  15. @Megalonyx Unfortunately, we are doomed to a climate catastrophe as the secularization of the world has vastly reduced the supply of virgins.

    Isn’t it funny that the virgins sacrificed are always female?