The Latest News About Hambo’s Ark

We were very much surprised by a new article at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

This one is at the relatively innactive blog of Ark Encounter, Hambo’s exact replica of Noah’s Ark. It’s titled Hang with Sloths at the Ararat Ridge Zoo, and it has no author’s by-line. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

The Ararat Ridge Zoo [link omitted] is growing! On March 3, we introduced our newest additions to the zoo at the Ark Encounter: Felix and Eutychus. These amazing animals are Hoffman’s two-toed sloths. Check out what makes these sloths so unique.

Sloths at Hambo’s Ark attraction? That’s surprising, because sloths are an impossibility, given the allegedly recent global flood, with all the land animals supposedly migrating all over the world from the Ark’s landing place somewhere in the Middle East. How did the sloth get to South America? We’ve mentioned the problem before, e.g.: AIG Says: Behold the Sloth. Anyway, the article at the Ark’s blog says:

Renowned for their slow movement, sloths are one of the most unique animals in the world today. All are native to the rainforests of Central and South America. They belong to one biblical kind under the suborder Folivora, which translates in Latin as “leaf-eater.” Only six species remain today.

Don’t they realize they’re undermining the whole Ark story? Anyway, then they tell us:

Sloths also have extremely low metabolic rates, less than half of what is typical for other mammals their size. This explains their slow movements; they move only when necessary, and their average speed is 13–15 feet per minute. Sloths spend the vast majority of their lives hanging upside down in trees.

You see the trans-oceanic problem. Everyone can. Why doesn’t Hambo see it too? Skipping a bit, we come to a section titled “Other fun facts,” which informs us:

Even though sloths move slowly in the trees, they are excellent swimmers. They will purposefully fall out of trees into bodies of water to avoid predators or swim to different locations at a speed of 44 feet per minute!

• Although sloths have poor sight and hearing, they have an excellent sense of smell.

• Their digestive process can take up to a month to complete, and two-thirds of a sloth’s body weight may be just its stomach contents.

• Sloths only come down from the trees about once a week, as they can barely move due to their claws and weak hind limbs.

• The hair on sloths is directed dorsally to allow water to flow off their bodies while hanging upside-down.

Hey — if they’re such excellent swimmers, then after the Ark landed, maybe they swam across the Atlantic. We’ll never know. The sloth article babbles on a bit more, and it’s got a lot of sloth pictures, so if you like the critters, it might be worth a look.

On another note, we learned of an amazing article in the Lexington Herald-Leader of Lexington, Kentucky, written by Dan Phelps, President, Kentucky Paleontological Society; Geology and Paleontology Instructor, Jefferson Community and Technical College, Louisville, Kentucky, and a major participant in the film We Believe in Dinosaurs. Their headline is Ark Park creator complains of bias and propaganda. He is a master of both.

Read it. Every paragraph is gold.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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24 responses to “The Latest News About Hambo’s Ark

  1. Dave Luckett

    It would of course follow from the doctrine that all “kinds” (whatever that might mean) of living things were special creations that all “kinds” are unique, and that therefore claims that Hoffman’s two-toed sloths are unique are redundant. Let alone claims of how unique they are, as if there were degrees of uniqueness.

    But what’s the point? P T Barnum knew what “egress” meant to his customers. Ham knows what “unique” means to his. Same principle.

  2. Weren’t Hambo’s people taught at school that sloths can’t be “so unique” or “one of the most unique animals in the world”? Unique means there’s just one, and either there is or there isn’t. You can’t qualify unique. And yet they try to kid us that the Ark is educational!

  3. Dave Luckett

    @Arcy, certainly their site (in whatever sense) is not an education in English.

  4. Wikipedia says that there are two families of sloths. Family is the usual taxon corresponding to “kind”. Not suborder. Could it be that it would be difficult to accept that there are two unrelated kinds of unique sloths, both confined to South America?

  5. “You have debauched my sloth”. Stephen Maturin’s exclamation regarding Master and Commander Jack Aubrey’s having gotten his sloth inebriated daily onboard HMS Surprise. The entire passage below.
    . “The sloth sneezed, and looking up, Jack caught its gaze fixed upon him; its inverted face had an expression of anxiety and concern. ‘Try a piece of this, old cock,’ he said, dipping his cake in the grog and proffering the sop. ‘It might put a little heart into you.’ The sloth sighed, closed its eyes, but gently absorbed the piece, and sighed again.
    Some minutes later he felt a touch on his knee; the sloth had silently climbed down and it was standing there, its beady eyes looking up into his face, bright with expectation. More cake, more grog; growing confidence and esteem. After this, as soon as the drum had beat the retreat, the sloth would meet him, hurrying towards the door on its uneven legs: it was given its own bowl and would grip it with its claws, lowering its round face into it and pursing its lips to drink. Sometimes it went to sleep in this position, bowed over the emptiness.
    “In this bucket,” said Stephen, walking into the cabin, “in this small half-bucket, now, I have the population of Dublin, London and Paris combined: these animalculae – what is the matter with the sloth?” It was curled on Jack’s knee, breathing heavily: its bowl and Jack’s glass stood empty on the table. Stephen picked it up, peered into its affable, bleary face, shoot it, and hung it upon its rope. It seized hold with one fore and one hind foot, letting the others dangle limp, and went to sleep.
    Stephen looked sharply round, saw the decanter, smelt to the sloth, and cried, “Jack, you have debauched my sloth.”
    It would appear Hambo, Mr Phelps likewise smelt your ark and he has cried
    “Hambo, you have debauched Williamstown”

  6. Theodore Lawry

    44 feet per minute is 0.5 mph. Not such great swimmers after all.

  7. “You see the trans-oceanic problem. Everyone can.”
    That’s only the beginning. From Marocco or Portugal to the Middle East is quite a distance, with climates sloths won’t survive with their walking velocity of 150 meter an hour.

    “Why doesn’t Hambo see it too?”
    A typical case of asking equals answering the question: because Ol’Hambo.

  8. With God, anything is possible. Why worry about unimportant things like biogeography? If God pleases to create in a pattern like evolution, he has his reasons.
    Just as if he chooses to make it look like he uses design, that does not justify belief in design.

  9. Eddie Janssen

    TomS;
    But then we are back at omphalism or “last thursdayism”.

  10. Theodore Lawry notes:

    44 feet per minute is 0.5 mph. Not such great swimmers after all.

    …But, but, it’s only 1,770 miles across the Atlantic from Liberia to Brazil!

    Swimming non-stop 24/7, a determined sloth could do that in 147.5 days…

  11. @Mega forgets a little detail: from Liberia to the Middle East is about 5500 km. Walking that distance in a straight line requires another 1500 days. That’s quite some determination ….

  12. Has everyone forgotten that the Flood reshaped the continents, so we are making an unscientific assumption (were we there?) when we assume that South America was distant from the Middle East in Noah’s time? A bit like the kangaroos, really

  13. chris schilling

    The Flood also altered the climate, too, apparently — AiG’s one-appearance-only global ice age. According to them, this lasted for hundreds of years, wiping out many mammals.

    But not the sloths. They were so “unique” and “native to the rainforests of Central and South America” that they were able to withstand this brave new icy world. Unless, of course, they took so long in their slothy migration from Mt. Ararat that the climate changed back again.

    Stranger things have happened… haven’t they?

  14. @Paul Braterman
    Can we assume that the continents were approximately in their present configuration after the Flood was no longer present to be able to shape the surface of Earth?

  15. @TomS, You need to ask Baumgardner, who has developed a model that deals with this. And he is (he really is) a real live physicist

  16. Michael Fugate

    Maybe the continents were loosed from their moorings during the Flood, moved around like ghost ships and only reached their current harbors at a later date. Why let pesky facts get in the way of fiction.

  17. @ FrankB: The sloths needed that 5500km hike from the Middle East to Liberia in order to get fit for their trans-Atlantic swim! The Intelligent Designer (Blessed be &c) thinks of everything!

    I mean, like, d’oh, dude!

  18. @Paul Braterman
    The answer to my questiion is “no, we cannot assume that once the Flood ceased, the shaping of the surface of Earth was reduced.”
    We should not be speculating about the slowness of sloths, or various other epitomes of slowness in the animal world, when that can be compensated for by the motions of the land.
    But why worry about the effects of the Flood, when there are other mechanisms? The Bible does not tell us anything about such an effect of the Flood, but there is the division of the Earth in the time of Peleg, well after the Flood (Genesis 10:25).

  19. Y’all are overlooking the conclusive proof of Biblical inerrancy here.

    Consider: if you had just walked 5500 km from the Middle East to LIberia, and then swum the 1,707 trans-Atlantic miles from Liberia to Brazil, just how energetic do you think you’d be?

    So of course sloths today are slow-moving! They’re still plum tuckered out from all those ancestral exertions!

    And you guys think you’re smarter than Hambo!…

  20. Charley Horse X

    I think the Museum and Park will suffer the same as amusement parks due to the beer virus. Or it will be a test as to just how untrusting of experts and government agencies YECs are. Though I do think they will listen to Trump and his gang and avoid mingling in crowds of their kind.
    Falwell said on Fox News? yesterday that classes would remain open at Liberty, the beer virus was created by North Korea and all the reporting on the virus was due to wanting to harm Trump.

  21. Unfortunately, most of Liberty’s indoctrination takes place online anyway, so the effects might be a lot smaller than one might hope

  22. We’ve all overlook the obvious here! Even evolutionists acknowledge that animals can cross open water on floating mats of vegetation, and there would have been enormous amounts of such floating mats available after all the world’s forests had been submerged for a year by the flood. And as floodwaters receded, wherever they may have got to, the resultant currents could perfectly well have carried each kind back to its proper home.

    Going back to an earlier post, perhaps I should apply for a job with Answers in Genesis

  23. And any excuse that is given, all long as it does not involve Divine intervention, is saying that the complex pattern of biogeography came about by natural means, contrary to the creationist reading of the 2nd law of thermodynamics.

  24. Eddie Janssen

    I don’t think floating mats the size of the ones probably used bij monkeys to get to South America* could have survived the onslaught of millions of years of plate tectonics concentrated in one year.
    * The Monkey’s voyage by Alain de Queiroz (Perseus, 2014)