Why Is Hambo Doing this?

We have shocking — absolutely shocking — news from the creationist empire of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man, who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

As you know, ol’ Hambo is responsible for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter.

The last thing in the world we expected to see was just posted at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry. It’s titled Ark Encounter and Creation Museum to Temporarily Close Beginning Tuesday, March 17, 2020. There is no author’s by-line. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

The leadership of Answers in Genesis and its biblical attractions, the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter, has been and continues to be actively meeting and communicating nearly around the clock concerning the ever-changing situation regarding COVID-19 (coronavirus).

Why? Surely the divine essence of their activities should result in a heavenly shield of immunity over all of Hambo’s enterprises. For some reason — never explained — they seem to believe that the creator of all things has forsaken them. They say:

After communicating with our staff yesterday to prepare them for the strong likelihood that our attractions would be closing to the public, we made the decision today and informed our staff earlier that we would be closing the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter to guests effective Tuesday, March 17. [Egad — that’s tomorrow!] We have taken this action after considering numerous factors, including foremost the health and safety of our staff and our visiting guests.

We are truly amazed. Why are they doing this? If there is any place on Earth where the protection of divine providence guarantees the immunity of all who work or visit there, it should be Hambo’s enterprises.

After that astonishing announcement they tell us:

We project that we will reopen the attractions to the public on Thursday, April 2. We deeply regret and apologize for the impact this will have on our wonderful guests who made plans to visit over the coming days when we will be closed.

And it ends with this:

Please pray for our nation, the AiG ministry, and especially all of those impacted by the effects of the COVID-19 coronavirus.

Your Curmudgeon doesn’t understand their announcement. Can you explain it, dear reader?

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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26 responses to “Why Is Hambo Doing this?

  1. AiG closing on St. Patrick’s day? That calls for a pint (maybe more) of Guinness® Draught!

  2. One is reminded of the 1755 Lisbon earthquake (see Wikipedia article) and Voltaire’s explanation.

  3. Our Curmudgeon asks

    Can you explain it, dear reader?

    Yes! I can now disclose that this is an operation by the Black Ops team of the International Darwinist Conspiracy (the ‘Darwintern’) that has successfully targeted Ole Hambo himself, who has fallen into their trap.

    Under cover of the current international alarm over the Coronavirus, the Darwintern is fighting an even more insidious disease, COVFEFE-19, which is caused by the extremely dangerous Moronavirus.

    The Moronavirus, which has been endemic for a long time, has in more recent years erupted in pronounced hotspots, such as Seattle, WA and Grant County, KY. It is spread by contact with contaminated websites (such as ENV and AiG) on the internet, entering the body through the eyes and ears into the brain, where it ravages neural tissue without mercy.

    Particularly vulnerable are individuals with pre-existing religious dogmas and dangerously diminished levels of education.

    Early signs of infection include making donations to religious charlatans and seriously wondering why, if man evolved from monkeys, there are still monkeys. In advanced cases of the disease, victims feverishly vomit forth Letters to the Editor of their local newspapers to claim that the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics disproves Evolution, which is only a theory anyway. In terminal stages, the hapless sufferer quotes passages from Behe and Denton.

    There is no cure at present, although a daily dose of The Sensuous Curmudgeon blog may provide some immunity.

  4. Derek Freyberg

    Normally I would think of (and maybe even post) a snarky remark about Hambo and his idiot attractions, or perhaps even about his lack of faith that G*d will protect them; but in this case he’s definitely doing the right thing for once.
    UNLIKE certain of his fundamentalist compatriots, who are still urging their followers to come to church; or our even more irresponsible elected officials, who were even a couple of days ago still urging people to go out and party – such as Governor Stitt of OK or Trump’s lapdog Rep. Devin Nunes, see the ProPublica article here: https://www.propublica.org/article/no-matter-what-some-public-officials-say-the-message-you-need-to-hear-is-stay-home?

  5. Charley Horse X

    A member of the imported Ham’s kind and White House credentials had this to say:
    Pastor says coronavirus is a ‘plague sent by God to purge a lot of sin off this planet’ and blames parents ‘transgendering children’ for the outbreak

    Pastor Rick Wiles says he believes the coronavirus was sent by God to purge sin
    ‘My spirit bears witness that this is a genuine plague that’s coming upon the Earth.
    And God is about to purge a lot of sin off this planet,’ he said
    Wiles blames ‘sexual immorality’ and ‘filth on TVs and in movies’ as being linked to
    the outbreak.
    Wiles believes that Christians who are devoted to Jesus are immune to the virus.

    ‘Just vile, disgusting people in this country now, transgendering little children, perverting them.

    Look at the rapes, and the sexual immorality, and the filth on our TVs and our movies.

    ‘Folks, the Death Angel may be moving right now across the planet. This is the time to get right with God.’

    If you are not a Christian then your father was Satan

    this is a genuine plague that is coming upon the Earth, and God is about to purge a lot of sin off this planet.

    President Barack Obama is a ‘demon from Hell

    President Trump’s impeachment was ‘a Jew coup’ planned by ‘a Jewish cabal’.

  6. Desnes Diev

    “Answers in Genesis and its biblical attractions”

    Funny sentence when taken out of context. Could be a great Death Metal band’s name as God has a lot to answer for.

  7. “Surely the divine essence of their activities should result in a heavenly shield of immunity over all of Hambo’s enterprises.”
    It’s far, far worse, dear SC, what Ol’Hambo’s doing. He’s trying to duck his righteous god’s totally justified punishment of mankind for its sinful nature. Which means that Ol’Hambo thinks he’s not a sinner!
    Really, to restore my faith he at least needs to practice some serious flagellatio.

  8. Without doubt, the best way to be immune to the virus is to avoid fluoridated water. That way, you can preserve the purity of your essence. Fluoridation is a Darwinist plot.

    If you don’t know what I’m talking about, see Creationism: Purity of Essence.

  9. Perhaps Ham is merely following the actions of the Pope! All churches in Rome were ordered shut about a week ago. One of God’s creations doesn’t measure up.

  10. Dave Luckett

    Ah, the coronavirus. “Where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I among them.” Has a ring to it, don’t you think?

  11. chris schilling

    So signing your life away on AiG’s statement of faith is still not enough to protect you from the creator/designer’s virus?

    What a swiz.

  12. Charles Deetz ;)

    What if there was a disease outbreak on the real ark? Did Noah bring bleach and Lysol wipes just in case?

  13. Hambo has jumped on the two week self isolation train …. He knows there won’t be many droolers who have hoarded sufficient toilet paper and peanut butter such that they can take a long road trip. I note that Hammy did not say he was paying the employees during the two week hiatus. Curiously, this momentous event also corresponds with the second half of Lent. No time for a road trip when you’re busy repenting.

  14. Fortunately, anyone who has purchased AiG’s books at the Ark gift shop is well-equipped to deal with the ongoing toilet paper shortage.

  15. So could Rick Wiles please explain why God wants to purge the elderly, asthmatic and sick preferably? Those gay hippie youngsters seem to get off pretty lightly.

  16. Gumlegs, you’ve been away too long.

  17. Not entirely off-topic for a thread about religious fraudsters:

    US museum Dead Sea Scroll collection found to be fakes

    A collection of supposedly valuable Dead Sea Scroll fragments on display at the Museum of the Bible in Washington DC has been found to be fake. After six months of analysis, experts released a 200-page report detailing how the fragments were forged – likely made from old shoe leather.

    “Each exhibits characteristics that suggest they are deliberate forgeries,” the analysts said in a statement.

    [snip]

    Costing $500m (£386m), the museum was opened by Evangelical Christian and billionaire Steve Green in 2017.

  18. Pretty unremarkable news, Mega. My Dutch source had the news almost two and a half years ago:

    https://mainzerbeobachter.com/2016/10/20/valse-dode-zee-rollen/

    “Fake Dead Sea Scrolls”.
    The fundagelicals of the Green collection were too blinded by Biblical Trvth to realize how easy it is to forge fragments from Antiquity. The really bad news is that several pros have been deceived as well, while they should have know better.
    The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife was shown to be a forgery in 2012; still in 2014 a Harvard press release suggested it was genuine.
    Around the same time newly discovered fragments by Sappho were shown to be forgeries.

    For the time being the safe thumbrule is that all newly found spectacular fragments are forgeries.

  19. FrankB advises

    the safe thumbrule is that all newly found spectacular fragments are forgeries

    What? You dare to doubt the authenticity of my freshly unearthed copy of The Chronicles of the Cosmic Aardvark, Being a True and Correct Account of His Miraculous Feats? My copy is even signed by the author, who is none other than Braterman’s Unicorn itself!

  20. That’s not the only shocking news. Trump is stealing a page from the Democratic socialist playbook by handing out free money (aka your taxes) to help people during the virus pandemic. Oh wait, it’s not socialism or welfare, it’s “economic stimulus”. Whew, what a relief!

  21. @Matt
    That’s “Democrat socialist”.

  22. @TomS Explain.

  23. Robert van Bakel

    Here’s a question: Will the hordes come back?
    That is, after this partition, maybe the flock will, as Father Ted says, ”Feck off!”;)

  24. @Matt
    I’m being snarky. There are people who like to call the Democrstic Party in the USA by the epithet “Democrat Party”. See the Wikipedia article “Democrat Party (epithet)”.

  25. Dave Luckett

    I suppose it would be off-topic to point out that “democratic socialism” is a contradiction in terms. “Democrat socialism”, where “Democrat” means “Democratic Party (United States)” is not necessarily one, although I see little or no committment to socialism in that party.

  26. Not only is it off-topic, it’s the result of bad logic. “Little commitment” still is some commitment, demonstrating that socialists can be member of the Democratic Party.
    Unless, like creationists, you think arguments trump evidence.

    @TomS: “I’m being snarky.”
    Still you were right with “That’s “Democrat socialist”.”
    What Trump is doing – and in The Netherlands the conservative Prime Minister Rutte – is increasing government debt to fight an economic crisis. That’s the alpha and omega of Keynesian economic policies. And all democratic socialists / social-democrats are fans of Keynes.
    Trump and Rutte directly go against the recommendations of both the classic laisser-faire economists (our dear SC claims to be a fan, but he’s suspiciously silent now) and monetarists.
    My view is that it’s a shame that economic science is so politicised – that the political views of economists so strongly tend to determine the conclusion of their research.