Our clandestine operative in Kentucky, code-named “Blue Grass,” is all excited over this one from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
As you know, ol’ Hambo is globally famous and universally praised for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. They have been acclaimed by everyone as a greater accomplishment than sending men to the Moon, and have been a source of inspiration for millions of droolers.
Hambo just posted this amazing news at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Back by Popular Demand — Boarding Passes to the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum. Ooooooooooooh! The title alone is enough to send us into a frenzy of ecstasy! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
I’m very excited to announce the return of a very popular offer — one I didn’t think we’d be offering again! But many of our supporters have been asking for it [Of course they have!], so we decided to bring it back for a limited time because of the COVID-19 situation. What am I talking about? Lifetime boarding passes to the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum!
We’ve brought you exciting news in the past, but you gotta admit, this is truly amazing! Hambo says:
Offered in both an individual or family option, the boarding pass provides lifetime admission for you or you and your immediate family to both the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky. It’s your all-in-one access to both of these incredible attractions — for life!
Ooooooooooooh! You can keep going back again and again! Nothing in this sin-cursed world could possibly compare. It’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of! And the news continues! Hambo tells us:
With a boarding pass, enjoy:
• Lifetime admission to both the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum
• Free parking for one vehicle at the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum
• A 10% discount on most dining and retail at both attractions
• Eight free Ark Encounter admission tickets each year to share with others
• A free one-year subscription to Answers.tv [link omitted], our new streaming platform ($39.99 value)
• An invitation to our 5-year Ark anniversary celebration, summer 2021.
Admit it, dear reader. To find better news than that, you’ll have look in your bible. Hambo continues:
By purchasing a lifetime boarding pass, you’ll be helping sustain the Answers in Genesis ministry during this time our attractions are closed [A worthy cause indeed!], and you’ll be securing lifetime admission to both attractions — something we haven’t offered since we were fundraising to build the Ark! You can even buy one for someone else (such as your pastor’s family or your grandchildren).
Let’s read on:
This is an opportunity where you can help the ministry of AiG financially [The worthiest of causes!], but at the same time AiG is offering in return a great value that your whole family will treasure for a lifetime.
Your family will treasure this for a lifetime! And now we come to the end:
To see more details about the benefits/options and to get your lifetime boarding pass today before they go away again (they are only available through December 31, 2020), visit ArkEncounter.com/boarding-passes. [Link omitted.]
Hurry, dear reader! This amazing opportunity will be available for only eight more months. Not even that long — seven months and three weeks. Hurry!
Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.