Hambo Offers the World’s Greatest Opportunity

Our clandestine operative in Kentucky, code-named “Blue Grass,” is all excited over this one from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

As you know, ol’ Hambo is globally famous and universally praised for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. They have been acclaimed by everyone as a greater accomplishment than sending men to the Moon, and have been a source of inspiration for millions of droolers.

Hambo just posted this amazing news at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Back by Popular Demand — Boarding Passes to the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum. Ooooooooooooh! The title alone is enough to send us into a frenzy of ecstasy! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

I’m very excited to announce the return of a very popular offer — one I didn’t think we’d be offering again! But many of our supporters have been asking for it [Of course they have!], so we decided to bring it back for a limited time because of the COVID-19 situation. What am I talking about? Lifetime boarding passes to the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum!

We’ve brought you exciting news in the past, but you gotta admit, this is truly amazing! Hambo says:

Offered in both an individual or family option, the boarding pass provides lifetime admission for you or you and your immediate family to both the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky. It’s your all-in-one access to both of these incredible attractions — for life!

Ooooooooooooh! You can keep going back again and again! Nothing in this sin-cursed world could possibly compare. It’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of! And the news continues! Hambo tells us:

With a boarding pass, enjoy:

• Lifetime admission to both the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum
• Free parking for one vehicle at the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum
• A 10% discount on most dining and retail at both attractions
• Eight free Ark Encounter admission tickets each year to share with others
• A free one-year subscription to Answers.tv [link omitted], our new streaming platform ($39.99 value)
• An invitation to our 5-year Ark anniversary celebration, summer 2021.

Admit it, dear reader. To find better news than that, you’ll have look in your bible. Hambo continues:

By purchasing a lifetime boarding pass, you’ll be helping sustain the Answers in Genesis ministry during this time our attractions are closed [A worthy cause indeed!], and you’ll be securing lifetime admission to both attractions — something we haven’t offered since we were fundraising to build the Ark! You can even buy one for someone else (such as your pastor’s family or your grandchildren).

Let’s read on:

This is an opportunity where you can help the ministry of AiG financially [The worthiest of causes!], but at the same time AiG is offering in return a great value that your whole family will treasure for a lifetime.

Your family will treasure this for a lifetime! And now we come to the end:

To see more details about the benefits/options and to get your lifetime boarding pass today before they go away again (they are only available through December 31, 2020), visit ArkEncounter.com/boarding-passes. [Link omitted.]

Hurry, dear reader! This amazing opportunity will be available for only eight more months. Not even that long — seven months and three weeks. Hurry!

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

8 responses to “Hambo Offers the World’s Greatest Opportunity

  1. Laurette McGovern

    that certainly does sound like a life sentence

  2. “a frenzy of ecstasy”
    This deserves a vidio.

  3. If he is the world’s holiest man, how come he isn’t the world’s richest?

  4. Because he’s so unselfish.

  5. I have to admit that I was too curious about the price of this exciting offer. With a very bad conscience, like visiting a porn site, and after a good deal of clicking, I made it. For the trifle sum of $2000 you get a single pass. There is even a checkbox you can tick if this is a gift for the special person in your life!

  6. One might speculate that, under any other circumstances, selling lifetime passes for a semi-mature attraction would be a sure sign of financial liquidity problems. The lifetime pass generates cash that enables an organisation to resolve urgent short-term financial issues; the costs of servicing those passes are all in the future. Of course, one would not like to suggest that this is the case with Ham’s enterprise.

  7. Dave Luckett

    tedinoz displays one of the national characteristics that cause the citizens of other nations to look at us funny. I was once asked by an American, “How do you know when an Aussie is putting you on?”

    The only answer is, “The mouth is moving, mate.”

    Personally, since my mouth is not moving as I type this, I can say that I would just love to suggest that there may be urgent short-term financial issues with Ham’s Folly.

  8. Stephen Kennedy. MD

    At this time it is not known when, or even if, it will ever be safe for large groups of people to occupy buildings like Hambo’s attractions again, This virus is mutating and there are indications the new strains are even more contagious and virulent than the original one.

    It seems to me that it is unethical and may not even be legal to sell something that the purchaser may never may be able to use.