Glorious News — Hambo Is Re-Opening!

Your Curmudgeon can’t remember when we had news this exciting before, but we’ve got it now! We learned about it from our clandestine operative in Kentucky, code-named “Blue Grass.”

Look at this headline from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: It’s Time to Reopen — Answers in Genesis is reopening the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

The Governor of Kentucky announced last evening, Tuesday, May 19, that museums and outdoor attractions can open June 8. As a result and after much counsel, prayer, discussion, and research, Answers in Genesis along with First Liberty Institute, the largest legal organization in the nation dedicated exclusively to defending religious liberty for all Americans, has determined the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum will reopen to the public on Monday, June 8, 2020.

Ooooooooooooh! As you know, ol’ Hambo is globally famous and universally praised for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. They have been acclaimed by everyone as a greater accomplishment than sending men to the Moon, and have been a source of inspiration for millions of droolers.

Hambo says:

Our staff have been diligently working on the attached reopening preparedness plan [link omitted] for weeks to ensure our facilities will be the safest, cleanest, and most family-friendly they can be. Yes, there are going to be major changes in how everything operates, but our skilled staff are undergoing intense training and will be ready to help the public safely relax and enjoy these unique places that impact people for eternity.

Ooooooooooooh! Eternal impact! Then he tells us:

Answers in Genesis exists to proclaim the authority of the Bible — from the very first verse — without compromise by using apologetics in its world-class attractions, dynamic resources, and creative media to communicate the message of God’s Word and the gospel.

Ooooooooooooh! Thrilling stuff, huh?

Hambo goes on and on, but we’ve given you the news. So now, dear reader, you can plan that trip to ol’ Kentuck that you’ve always dreamed of. (You know that Army marching song: “I gotta gal from ol’ Kentuck …”) Well, that’s not important. The big news is that Hambo is re-opening. So what are you waiting for?

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “Glorious News — Hambo Is Re-Opening!

  1. It’s Time to Reopen — Answers in Genesis is reopening the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum!

    Fantastic. That’s two more places that I can choose to not visit. Isn’t choice wonderful.

  2. “So what are you waiting for?”

    1. Until the Trans-Atlantic flights reopen again;
    2. Someone is foolish enough to pay my travel expenses;
    3. Someone arranges a free pass for me for the TSA;
    4. Someone is foolish enough to pay me a salary of 15 Euro an hour (netto, ie excluding expenses).

  3. Michael Fugate

    A sterilized drool bucket/face mask with every ticket purchase! Each with a different Bible character – collect them all!

  4. I don’t remember that EXACT song dear Curmudgeon. I do remember
    “There once was a gal from Dallas”. With regards to the stupendous reopening of the ol ark, I have heard some pundits suggest this may be a driving vacation kind of a summer so……..Northern Cal coastline or plastic dinosaurs with saddles ??? in a crazy world of bible references.
    Could be worse. Religious fanatics in Afghanistan attack hospital ward patients with AK 47s. Ol hambo just fleeces them with his fake attractions.
    He’s moved past the homicidal stage.

  5. No no no. It’s a marching song.

    I gotta girl from ol’ Kentuck,
    She can’t cook but
    She can …
    Sound off, one two
    Sound off, three four


  6. chris schilling


    Afghans wage war on maternity
    Ken wages war on modernity
    But when Miley Cyrus
    Displaces the virus —
    A whole new take on eternity

  7. oh dearie me. the second line in my song is ‘who used a dynamite stick for a (rhymes with Dallas)”……. it gets worse …… 🙂

  8. I certainly hope Ham puts face masks on all the manikins in his displays. And the dinosaurs too. Can never be too careful. Besides, it would set a good example.

    Your marching song brings back memories of CG OCS. I shall respect your decency standards and not repeat them here.

    But did you hear of the young lass from Norway,
    Who hung by her heels in the doorway?
    She said to her man
    “Get off the divan!
    I think I’ve discovered one more way!”

  9. I just watched Hambo’s 17 minute talk about it. He even remarks how atheists have been complaining about how the ark looks terrible! And wow does it ever look like crap. The wood might stay preserved for 50 years (I doubt it!) but the “patina” isn’t aesthetically pleasing at all.

  10. God bless America! I love a free society that encourages the Darwinian effect by ensuring the truly stupid have plenty of opportunities to contract covid-19. This is definitely the best way to wipe out ignorance.

  11. Hats off, TomS, if you indeed watched 17 full minutes of Ol’Hambo’s talk. I never make it past 3.

    I sympathize with you, Faruk. Unfortunately “This is definitely the best way to wipe out ignorance” also means a much higher risk for you and your loved ones.

  12. Begs the rather obvious question “Who on the Ark took the (two pairs?) of coronavirus with them?

  13. Techreseller

    Effectively removing Trump voters for miles around. Open up that Ark Park.

  14. People who have been afflicted by
    virus, and those who are eager to think the worst of others, could make the
    worst of such a post.

  15. Well, seeing as how I live in the UK, I have no choice – I can’t go. If I lived right next door, on the other hand… I still wouldn’t go. I have better things to do, like watching paint dry.

    On the other hand, the entrance fee might be worth a good belly-laugh.

  16. I wouldn’t go if I lived in the neighborhood and if admission were free. If they paid me, I don’t know how much it would take.