Your Curmudgeon can’t remember when we had news this exciting before, but we’ve got it now! We learned about it from our clandestine operative in Kentucky, code-named “Blue Grass.”
Look at this headline from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: It’s Time to Reopen — Answers in Genesis is reopening the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
The Governor of Kentucky announced last evening, Tuesday, May 19, that museums and outdoor attractions can open June 8. As a result and after much counsel, prayer, discussion, and research, Answers in Genesis along with First Liberty Institute, the largest legal organization in the nation dedicated exclusively to defending religious liberty for all Americans, has determined the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum will reopen to the public on Monday, June 8, 2020.
Ooooooooooooh! As you know, ol’ Hambo is globally famous and universally praised for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. They have been acclaimed by everyone as a greater accomplishment than sending men to the Moon, and have been a source of inspiration for millions of droolers.
Our staff have been diligently working on the attached reopening preparedness plan [link omitted] for weeks to ensure our facilities will be the safest, cleanest, and most family-friendly they can be. Yes, there are going to be major changes in how everything operates, but our skilled staff are undergoing intense training and will be ready to help the public safely relax and enjoy these unique places that impact people for eternity.
Ooooooooooooh! Eternal impact! Then he tells us:
Answers in Genesis exists to proclaim the authority of the Bible — from the very first verse — without compromise by using apologetics in its world-class attractions, dynamic resources, and creative media to communicate the message of God’s Word and the gospel.
Ooooooooooooh! Thrilling stuff, huh?
Hambo goes on and on, but we’ve given you the news. So now, dear reader, you can plan that trip to ol’ Kentuck that you’ve always dreamed of. (You know that Army marching song: “I gotta gal from ol’ Kentuck …”) Well, that’s not important. The big news is that Hambo is re-opening. So what are you waiting for?
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