A few days ago we thriled you all when we wrote Glorious News — Hambo Is Re-Opening! But now we learn that it won’t be easy to do. Today we’re given the rest of the story by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
The news is at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Help Us Reopen the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
The June 8th re-opening date of the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum is fast approaching — only 17 days now! [Ooooooooooooh!] We greatly look forward to the impact that these attractions will have in the months and years ahead. So many of you have helped to preserve this ministry during these days of seeming uncertainty. (The days were never uncertain to God, though; in fact, he has shown his amazing goodness and blessing throughout these challenging days.)
What was the help Hambo received during the days of uncertainty? He explains:
In mid-March, when the revenue from the Ark and the Creation Museum stopped overnight, so many of you responded. [Responded how?] You’ve prayed without ceasing. You’ve sent us notes, letters, and emails encouraging us to keep going. You’ve given graciously and sacrificially ever since the shutdown began. Please know that these gifts have truly sustained this ministry in the most challenging of times. Thank you!
Ol’ Hambo appreciates all that you’ve done, dear reader. Then he says:
But re-opening has its own set of challenges. [What challenges?] Our preparedness plan is very extensive and spells out in detail the additional and enhanced processes and procedures necessary for the safety of our guests (and staff). These new protocols that allow our guests to visit with confidence come with significant start-up costs.
In the past, enraptured visitors were probably free to drool all over everything. We assume that has to be controlled now. Is that what he’s talking about? Hambo tells us:
More staff time than ever will need to be dedicated for enhanced sanitation [Yeah, probably drool control.], providing additional buses due to our lowering the capacity on each bus, monitoring guest capacity in various areas of the attractions, providing food service, and for a host of other tasks and needs. There will be additional costs for signage, food, and retail inventory to restart, and for providing the necessary PPE [Huh?] for our staff. And this is just the beginning.
What’s PPE? Oh, it’s probably a reference to personal protective equipment — like sanitary face masks. He continues:
Bottom line: we need your continued support to help us bridge the gap from complete shutdown to full re-opening. [He wants money!] We’ve put a thermometer on our donate page [link omitted] to reflect the goal of raising $1 million for our core ministry by our opening date of June 8.
A million bucks? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Let’s read on:
We will soon be closing one unexpected (yet amazing) chapter in this ministry. Donations to our core ministry will help write the next chapter, where we are praying that God would empower and bless this ministry in ways beyond what we can even ask or think!
Verily, the future of Hambo’s ministry is beyond comprehension! And now we come to the end:
Thanks for continuing to stand with us. You are an amazing blessing to me.
Hambo is grateful for your support, dear reader. And so is your Curmudgeon. After all, without Hambo, what would we talk about most of the time? So send him all your money. He certainly deserves it.
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