Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the bi-weekly Transylvania Times. It’s not published near Dracula’s home, but in Brevard, North Carolina. The letter is titled Science Vs. The Bible, and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.
Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote her by using her full name. Her first name is Elizabeth. Excerpts from her letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!
Einstein told us that at the root of science, when the mind has gone as far as it can go, we will find God. [Einstein said that?] Many of the scientific laws rephrase and confirm what the Bible tries to tell us in Elizabethan English.
Wow — science merely rephrases what the bible says in good ol’ Elizabethan English. Lizzy tells us:
For example, Jesus says “As you sow, so shall you reap” and “Whatever you put out will come back to you, shaken down and running over.” [Very scientific!] Newton’s Third Law says the same thing, “For every action there will be an equal and opposite reaction.” This principle is known in eastern religions as the Law of Karma.
Lizzy is right! The scientific law of Karma is in the bible, and all Newton did was re-phrase it. After that she says:
Science is the answer to our prayers. For example, back in the 1950s, while our parents were praying that their children be spared polio’s painful crippling and death, Dr. Jonas Salk created a vaccine to prevent it. Although he might have patented the formula and become rich from it, he gave freely to the children of America, and our socialist government [Huh?] gave it to us free. So we are still here and can walk and breathe and are healthy, for now.
Polio killed lots of people before there was a vaccine, but that’s how Yahweh does things. Lizzy continues:
This coronavirus, COVID-19, was set loose on the world by the destruction of south Asian forests, according to many scientists.
Ah, so that’s what caused it! Let’s read on:
The Forest Service threatens to ravage our forests here [They do?], calling it a “harvest” of a crop they didn’t plant. We don’t know what lives up there with Bigfoot [besides Pegasus and King Kong] and those that could mutate into another pandemic when set loose upon the world.
Ooooooooooooh! It’s dangerous to mess with forests! Another excerpt:
We do know the forest is full of medicinal plants that kept our ancestors alive. [Yes!] We do know they will take our cool weather and our rainfall along with the trees. They will set loose erosion and dry out the forest floor, making it easier for fires to take hold.
Egad — the Forest Service is going to destroy us! Here’s more:
God made the forests first as a life support system for humans and other animals. How dare we destroy them?
Lizzy is so wise! And now we come to the end:
We were given this intricate, elegant, elaborate planet to live on and some exploit it mindlessly, heartlessly just to make a few dollars. [The fools!] In fact, God says in Revelation “Harm not the trees, nor the earth, nor the seas.”
Strange. If you look up Revelation 7:1-3, something like that was said, but it was one angel speaking to some other angels. Anyway, that was an amazingly inspirational letter. Wouldn’t you agree, dear reader?
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