Creationist Wisdom #1,047: What Is She Saying?

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the bi-weekly Transylvania Times. It’s not published near Dracula’s home, but in Brevard, North Carolina. The letter is titled Science Vs. The Bible, and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote her by using her full name. Her first name is Elizabeth. Excerpts from her letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!

Einstein told us that at the root of science, when the mind has gone as far as it can go, we will find God. [Einstein said that?] Many of the scientific laws rephrase and confirm what the Bible tries to tell us in Elizabethan English.

Wow — science merely rephrases what the bible says in good ol’ Elizabethan English. Lizzy tells us:

For example, Jesus says “As you sow, so shall you reap” and “Whatever you put out will come back to you, shaken down and running over.” [Very scientific!] Newton’s Third Law says the same thing, “For every action there will be an equal and opposite reaction.” This principle is known in eastern religions as the Law of Karma.

Lizzy is right! The scientific law of Karma is in the bible, and all Newton did was re-phrase it. After that she says:

Science is the answer to our prayers. For example, back in the 1950s, while our parents were praying that their children be spared polio’s painful crippling and death, Dr. Jonas Salk created a vaccine to prevent it. Although he might have patented the formula and become rich from it, he gave freely to the children of America, and our socialist government [Huh?] gave it to us free. So we are still here and can walk and breathe and are healthy, for now.

Polio killed lots of people before there was a vaccine, but that’s how Yahweh does things. Lizzy continues:

This coronavirus, COVID-19, was set loose on the world by the destruction of south Asian forests, according to many scientists.

Ah, so that’s what caused it! Let’s read on:

The Forest Service threatens to ravage our forests here [They do?], calling it a “harvest” of a crop they didn’t plant. We don’t know what lives up there with Bigfoot [besides Pegasus and King Kong] and those that could mutate into another pandemic when set loose upon the world.

Ooooooooooooh! It’s dangerous to mess with forests! Another excerpt:

We do know the forest is full of medicinal plants that kept our ancestors alive. [Yes!] We do know they will take our cool weather and our rainfall along with the trees. They will set loose erosion and dry out the forest floor, making it easier for fires to take hold.

Egad — the Forest Service is going to destroy us! Here’s more:

God made the forests first as a life support system for humans and other animals. How dare we destroy them?

Lizzy is so wise! And now we come to the end:

We were given this intricate, elegant, elaborate planet to live on and some exploit it mindlessly, heartlessly just to make a few dollars. [The fools!] In fact, God says in Revelation “Harm not the trees, nor the earth, nor the seas.”

Strange. If you look up Revelation 7:1-3, something like that was said, but it was one angel speaking to some other angels. Anyway, that was an amazingly inspirational letter. Wouldn’t you agree, dear reader?

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22 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #1,047: What Is She Saying?

  1. ChristANALs enjoy looking and sounding st00pid! “…forest is full of medicinal plants that kept our ancestors alive…” Wrong they BELIEVED they helped while they died. But the survivors bred replacements. Most of the herbs were as useless as praying!

  2. And yet it is part of the boggle most often used as justification for any of the environmental things Elizabeth is afraid of. “Man shall have dominion over the earth” is taken as we can do whatever we want. Similarly, disbelief in climate change is powered in some quarters by the belief that god would never allow his creation to destroy us. Or if it does, it’s our own fault. Anybody who can reconcile that view with floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, and typhoons, please let me know.

    From the link, I especially like this line: “How much effort should be made “saving” a planet that God is eventually going to obliterate and replace with a planet so amazing and wonderful that the current earth pales in comparison?” That cogent observation follows from this little bit of wisdom: “Yet these prophecies have nothing to do with greenhouse gas emissions; rather, they are the result of the wrath of God, pouring out justice on an increasingly wicked world. Also, a Christian must remember that God is in control and that this world is not our home.”

    I think it’s fair to say that all our troubles are caused by ignoring the truth of creation. No wonder god is in a bad mood.

  3. This is one of those articles which brings joy and enlightenment to an otherwise dull winter morning. I particular like when she explains Newton’s Third Law in easy to understand language.

  4. Our dear SC wonders: “[Einstein said that?]”
    No, Werner Heisenberg did. Sort of.

    “The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will turn you into an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you.”

  5. @FrankB: Wikiquote is skeptical of the attribution to Heisenberg.

  6. Dave Luckett

    I echo SC’s question: “What is she saying?”

    Mostly, it’s “don’t chop down the forests”, a sentiment I echo. But there’s a fair amount of “I’m a crazy person” in there, too. Put them together, and what comes through is both, thus: “I say don’t chop down the forests, and I’m crazy.”

    The first reaction is that this is a Poe troll, one who feigns support for a position while acting like a loon, thus to imply that loons support that position. But I don’t know. Never attribute to deep political cunning what can be explained by simple incomprension and confused, almost incoherent, thought. The latter is, after all, so much more common.

  7. chris schilling

    I too share some of Elizabeth’s environmental concerns.

    However, she might have done better to get the message across by going on American Idol and performing a heartfelt duet with Bigfoot, gazing into each other’s eyes adoringly, while singing Carole King’s ‘You’ve Got a Friend.’

    That’s the kind of inspiring love everyone understands.

  8. Jim Roberts

    The Forest Service actually HAS talked about cutting down more trees lately, in order to preserve the forests. Much of the grown in the Northwest isn’t of native trees, and they create an environment that means that the massive fires we’ve seen in California may start spreading up there, and soon – on the order of a few years.

  9. kae quante

    You need to look beyond these inconsequential bubbles of feverish ambitions of self-hoods abusing the facts of reality by looking without ambition to a reality that all this has happened before, but this time and place of the most deliberate and consequential and defining of realities resulting in the deaths of not only nameless but whole cultures of named and unknown people that go about their daily routines on the simple but joyous faith believing of the sun’s rising in the morning and going to a job that not only their family but a place among other people like themselves, just got junked by the very people they allowed to speak for them on a national and international stage where only the most ardent of demagogues are able to defile thousands of years of simple wisdom and the commonality of common sense.
    viruses that streak through whole communities wreaking the most dreadful of consequences have an intelligence of dismembering thousand of years of social discourse, and that of the keep-hood of embrace defining the very essence of life itself.
    It has been said that viruses have been as consequential as genetic absolutes that have and continue to alter what we are as humans have arrived at, and that the future of we as homo sapiens is a dreadful but unalterable outcome that becomes god’s predicate of a future beyond comprehension. Rejoice then in god’s embrace, for we will eventually become then, at the minimum, a reflection of his grace, no matter how imperfect.

  10. kae with an impressive post. An entire paragraph made up of one single sentence which said absolutely nothing. It’s hard to put that much effort into saying absolutely nothing that anyone can understand. I suppose it makes one think they are erudite and knowledgeable so there’s that.

  11. GreenPoisonFrog says: “An entire paragraph made up of one single sentence which said absolutely nothing.”

    Exactly! It’s a remarkable achievement. That’s why I left it alone.

  12. I used to listen to a radio call-in program which featured talk about space aliens and such. It was amusing for a while until there were those callers who were obviously suffering from a mental illness. That is not funny. IMHO, it is cruel to taunt them and expose them to ridicule.

  13. This is the 1,047 letter in this series. Which poster among these, in your expert opinion, suffers from mental illness?

  14. I deliberately did not point to a specific example. I have no expertise, and I just was just voicing my own concern. If others don’t share my feelings, I recognize that I can be wrong.

  15. Michael Fugate

    I think he is telling us we are all going to die….

  16. @TomS You gave the appearance of being able to recognize mental illness. I assumed you had some sort of criteria to do so and that you might share. Something caused you “concern”.

  17. I’m sorry that I gave that impression. P

  18. This is kind of like that stuff you see at the end of some spam message to get it through the filters.

  19. kae quante

    to the so-called curmudgeon – a salute. the brevity and the breadth of your imagination and the grasp of intellectual postures that define the bad breath of so many liberals and conservative idealists is a remarkable talent, one that has been absent too long in our social discourse of the give and take of politics.
    it was a pleasant diversion to have you recognize my personal quips and diatribes and to respond to them with accuracy and kindness.
    i wish you a longevity of well-placed words. A grace of tomorrows be bestowed upon you.

  20. kae quante

    They danced out a midnight of taverns
    lifting tables and chairs with their teeth
    and balanced an arm’s length of saucers
    on the lip of a diamond-shoed mare

    They carried their sons on their shoulders
    and wrecked all the rooms
    with the turquoise and crimson of crystal
    and waltzed with the fisherman’s widow
    on the bones of a pigeon

    It was yesterday’s hour
    before the widow perceived
    in the bleached flame of candles
    they would weep in their slumber on doorsteps
    for the crippled ascendance of swallows
    and the sweetness of apples turned silver

    Yesterday’s hour
    before their sons would awake
    to a critical Sunday of sorrows
    before their sons had gone soldiers
    and gone soldiers went shadow
    on a spent summer’s landscape
    and the substance and language of shapes

    The sun-torn silence of roses they seek
    with a regalia of ribbons
    loosed on a morning of mountains
    and a construction of stilling encounters
    with their women gone nude to the river

  21. kae quante

    Come on Dave L. and GPF, give us a response to poetry, which graces those ulterior motives of politicians and exposes them to the lies of the most ambitious of ardent self-abusers called demagogues, and that grants the body politic with a semblance of a small thing called truth. You have the language for it, Words are the very definition of and the response to the travail that worsens every day in this country of ours, with Liberty becoming a beacon on the shores of America a ridicule of hope.

  22. Dave Luckett

    I am asked for a response to poetry. Certainly, kae. Do you know any?