An Incredible Opportunity from AIG

This could be the most wonderful news we’ve ever brought you, dear reader. It comes from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

As you know, ol’ Hambo is responsible for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. They have been a source of inspiration for millions of droolers.

Look what Hambo just posted at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry. The title alone will thrill you like you’ve never been thrilled before: Your Way to Visit the Ark and Creation Museum with Unlimited Admission … for Life! [Ooooooooooooh!] Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

I frequently meet individuals and families who are visiting the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum for the second, third, fourth, or more time. [Wowie! That’s some serious drool!] They just keep wanting to come back to dive deeper into the exhibits and see what’s new, enjoy the supplemental programs, presentations, and hands-on programs, explore the zoos, play on the playgrounds, tour the gardens, and more. But what if these families could have unlimited admission for their lifetime?

For a lifetime? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! They’d probably roll around on the ground in spiritual ecstasy. Hambo says:

Well, they can! [Wow!] For a limited time, we’ve brought back our Lifetime Boarding Passes for the Ark Encounter. This pass gives you unlimited lifetime admission to both the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum [Gasp!], along with free parking, a discount on most retail and dining, eight free Ark Encounter tickets each year to give away to others, and more benefits.

After giving us that amazing news, Hambo tells us:

These passes are available for an individual or for a family. A family pass includes lifetime admission for the passholder and their spouse, as well as their children of any age — even adult children. And it’s valid for their entire lifetime as well. It’s truly a treasured legacy gift.

It’s a multi-generational opportunity to drool all over Hambo’s enterprises. Who could resist? He continues:

Not only does your Lifetime Boarding Pass benefit you and your family, but you’re also helping sustain the AiG ministry as we recover from the COVID–19 shutdowns and all the challenges that went along with it — and still continue to impact us. [Verily, it’s not only a worthy cause, it’s the worthiest!]

He ends with yet another link to the website where the passes are offered:

Discover more about boarding passes on our Ark Encounter website.

Okay, dear reader, we’ve shown you the way. The rest is up to you. And when you visit there, tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya!

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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5 responses to “An Incredible Opportunity from AIG

  1. Individual $2000, family $3000

  2. “They just keep wanting to come back to dive deeper into the exhibits”
    Ah, internet dyslexia does funny things. The first time I read

    “They just keep wanting to come back to dive deeper into the bottomless cesspool of creacrap”.

  3. Ah, life memberships! Often a sign of an enterprise that desperately needs a cash injection. The true cost of life memberships isn’t felt for a a few years. In the meantime you have the money to plug a hole in the cashflow.

  4. Dave Luckett

    Life memberships assume that the venue will be in existence for the whole of the member’s life. Ham’s Ark has lasted longer than I thought; still, l doubt that it can last fifty, sixty years. I used to think, five years, ten maybe, and then the chain link fences with the “Keep Out” signs on them would be going up, but the thing has hauled in more suckers than I would have thought reasonable.

    Still, this isn’t a good sign for it. Or it’s a very good one indeed, depending on where you sit.

  5. Karl Goldsmith

    As numbers from AiG 990 shows, the creationism museum only shows as making a profit on the books every year because the gullible that gives money to the non profit.