This could be the most wonderful news we’ve ever brought you, dear reader. It comes from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
As you know, ol’ Hambo is responsible for bringing to this sin-cursed world not only the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, but also his exact replica of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. They have been a source of inspiration for millions of droolers.
Look what Hambo just posted at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry. The title alone will thrill you like you’ve never been thrilled before: Your Way to Visit the Ark and Creation Museum with Unlimited Admission … for Life! [Ooooooooooooh!] Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
I frequently meet individuals and families who are visiting the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum for the second, third, fourth, or more time. [Wowie! That’s some serious drool!] They just keep wanting to come back to dive deeper into the exhibits and see what’s new, enjoy the supplemental programs, presentations, and hands-on programs, explore the zoos, play on the playgrounds, tour the gardens, and more. But what if these families could have unlimited admission for their lifetime?
For a lifetime? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! They’d probably roll around on the ground in spiritual ecstasy. Hambo says:
Well, they can! [Wow!] For a limited time, we’ve brought back our Lifetime Boarding Passes for the Ark Encounter. This pass gives you unlimited lifetime admission to both the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum [Gasp!], along with free parking, a discount on most retail and dining, eight free Ark Encounter tickets each year to give away to others, and more benefits.
After giving us that amazing news, Hambo tells us:
These passes are available for an individual or for a family. A family pass includes lifetime admission for the passholder and their spouse, as well as their children of any age — even adult children. And it’s valid for their entire lifetime as well. It’s truly a treasured legacy gift.
It’s a multi-generational opportunity to drool all over Hambo’s enterprises. Who could resist? He continues:
Not only does your Lifetime Boarding Pass benefit you and your family, but you’re also helping sustain the AiG ministry as we recover from the COVID–19 shutdowns and all the challenges that went along with it — and still continue to impact us. [Verily, it’s not only a worthy cause, it’s the worthiest!]
He ends with yet another link to the website where the passes are offered:
Discover more about boarding passes on our Ark Encounter website.
Okay, dear reader, we’ve shown you the way. The rest is up to you. And when you visit there, tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya!
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