Hambo Goes Where No One Has Gone Before

This was posted a week ago by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s so stunning that it took us a week to recover enough strength to write about it.

Hambo’s title is 40 Days and 40 Nights of Gospel Music Coming to the Ark Encounter, and it appears at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

The world’s largest Christian music festival is coming to the Ark Encounter for 40 days and 40 nights! [Ooooooooooooh!] We’re very excited to announce that, beginning August 2, 2021, through September 10, 2021, Abraham Productions will be presenting several dozen gospel music artists live from the 2,500-seat Answers Center at the Ark Encounter, south of Cincinnati.

Hambo’s not the only one who’s excited. You are too, aren’t you, dear reader? Of course you are! Then he says:

Called “40 Days and 40 Nights of Gospel Music at the Ark,” [Great name!] you’ll enjoy music from dozens of your favorite gospel music artists and groups, including, The Hoppers, The Isaacs, Lynda Randle, Booth Brothers, Karen Peck and New River, Ernie Haase & Signature Sound, And many, many more!

We never heard of any of ’em. The only group we know about is The Droolers. Anyway, there’s more to it than just music. Hambo tells us:

You’ll also enjoy teaching from speakers such as Dr. Jerry Vines, Dr. David Jeremiah, Dr. Johnny Hunt, and more! It’s going to be an incredible 40 days and 40 nights. It will be the world’s largest Christian music festival.

Ooooooooooooh! The world’s largest! Aren’t you excited? He continues:

Now here’s the best part about “40 Days and 40 Nights of Gospel Music at the Ark.” These special concert appearances are included with general admission to the Ark Encounter. [Gasp!] That’s right — you can enjoy music from your favorite artists, solid Bible teaching from a variety of Bible teachers, tour the life-size Noah’s ark, explore the grounds, take your children or grandchildren to the playground, and meet the zoo animals all for one price! It’s a remarkable value.

Wowie — he’s almost giving it away! Let’s read on:

I encourage you to order an annual pass [link omitted] for you and your family so you can attend all forty days and forty nights and not miss any of your favorite artists live in concert. An annual pass gives you unlimited admission to the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum, plus free parking, for the remainder of 2020 and all of 2021. If you purchase now, that’s over four months of bonus access for free! Now that’s an incredible deal.

Almost overwhelming, isn’t it? Another option:

Or consider getting a lifetime boarding pass. [Link omitted.]

Here’s our last excerpt:

I recently did a live stream at the Ark announcing “40 Days and 40 Nights of Gospel Music at the Ark.” You can watch the thrilling announcement above.

A video of Hambo’s “thrilling announcement” is embedded at the start of his post.

Okay, dear reader — that’s the news, and you gotta admit, it’s big news! You’re going, aren’t you? Sure you are. It’s a year from now, so you have time to prepare. And remember — when you get there, tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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7 responses to “Hambo Goes Where No One Has Gone Before

  1. Derek Freyberg

    “Hambo Goes Where No One Has Gone Before”
    Now if it had only said “Hambo goes where no one has gone before and returned”, I could be enthusiastic – not because I wish the Hamster himself ill, but because it would save us from his relentless huckstering.
    But as it is, this sounds like 40 days on the ark would feel if indeed the ark had been real: crowded and stinky, with just a touch of epidemic disease rearing its ugly head in those confined spaces.

  2. Richard Andersen

    Are masks included in the admission fee? How is “social distancing” to be controlled? I assume that Ham [h]as considered all the necessary safety requirements, says he, laughing up his sleeve.

  3. Michael Fugate

    What a list of preachers too. Pretty pathetic to use Dr. when it is at best “honorary”. Is self esteem really a problem when you run a a mega-church? Imposter syndrome? And Jeremiah is on Trump’s advisory board – another honor!

  4. I hope that Ken only allows musical instruments approved by the Bible. And, of course, no microphones and loudspeakers.

  5. “You’re going, aren’t you?”
    As soon as Ol’Hambo has prayed COVID-19 away. Promise.

  6. @has435
    And, of course, music theory, not being described by the Bible, and being only a theory, is not followed. None of that stuff about scales and tuning and such.

  7. Which one is worse? 40 days and 40 nights of continuous rain drowning very nearly all of humanity, or 40 days and 40 nights of non-stop gospel music? I guess the question is: Do you want to just drown quickly, OR slowly and torturously feel your sanity crumbling before you jump out from a high window to end it all?