All of you know — and were thrilled by — the Seven C’s of History revealed on a huge wall poster sold by ol’ Hambo’s gift shop. We described it in Ten-Foot Wide Creationist Wall Chart. What? Someone is asking: What are the seven C’s? You ignorant fool! As revealed by Hambo, they provide “an overview of the history of the universe from about 4000 BC to the beginning of the church age in AD 33.”
Yes, you say, but what are they? Okay, for the lazy among you, Hambo’s Seven C’s are: Creation, Corruption, Catastrophe, Confusion, Christ, Cross and Consummation. We don’t understand half of them — maybe they’re explained on the actual chart.
We once attempted to compete with ol’ Hambo by presenting the Curmudgeon’s Five F’s, which also come from the bible, but only two of them are accepted by creationists: the Flat Earth, the Firmament, the Fixed location of the Earth in a geocentric universe, the Fall of Adam & Eve, and the Flood.
But we’re not happy. Hambo has Seven C’s, and we have only Five F’s. That’s not right! As anyone can clearly see, we need more. Also, we want all of the F’s to be in the bible and rejected Hambo and his followers. For example, consider The Scriptural Value Of Pi. We’ve tried, but we can’t express pi as an F. We wish we could, because that’s the kind of thing we’re looking for. All we’ve got is Flat Earth, the Firmament, and the Fixed location of the Earth.
And so, dear reader, the Curmudgeon is reaching out to you. Give us more F’s! We’ve only got three. Four more will make our list as long as Hambo’s. Then we’ll have seven biblical F’s that Hambo rejects. Hey — we could have our own wall chart!
The form of today’s challenge is that you must tell us, with reasonable brevity:
You know the rules: You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.
There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!
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