Scientific Proof of the Cosmic Aardvark

The Cosmic Aardvark

Hhere’s a quickie for you, to keep things moving along while we continue searching for news. It has come to our attention that a few of you — truly wretched souls — somehow don’t believe in Cosmic Aardvark.

We will therefore give you some undeniable scientific evidence which will absolutely seal the deal and end your wretched state of disbelief. Are you ready? Okay then, here it comes:

Undeniable fact one: In order to stay alive, you need to breathe oxygen, don’t you? Well, you got it! There’s plenty of oxygen here on our world. You think something like that is just an accident? Huh? Huh??? Okay, we have more:

Undeniable fact two: You need water, don’t you? Well, this world has it — all you need! What’s your response — it’s just another accident? Are you really that stubborn? Very well, we have even more:

Undeniable fact three: You wanna reproduce? If so, you need genitals, don’t you? Okay, look down — no, not now while your computer’s on! This ain’t CNN! (If that reference to CNN mystifies you, read this.)

We’ve got more, but those three facts should be enough. The universe — and your place in it — can’t possibly be an accident. It’s undeniably the work of a supreme intelligence. And that could only be the Cosmic Aardvark!

If you still think it’s all because of a bunch of atoms randomly wiggling around since the Big Bang, then there’s no hope for you. Your Curmudgeon will pray that the Cosmic Aardvark.mercifully overlooks your inexcusable foolishness.

You’ve probably guessed that we’re declaring another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone. As with all our free-fire zones, we’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, whatever — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

Okay, we now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

18 responses to “Scientific Proof of the Cosmic Aardvark

  1. I am wondering if this is a problem that could be readily solved by Dembski’s celebrated Explanatory Filter:

    Do We Live in a Simulation? Chances Are about 50–50

    Surely the infallible Design Inference developed by the geniuses of the DI could readily determine whether or not our apparent ‘reality’ is the product of an Intelligent Designer?

    …Of course, if it turns out the answer is ‘yes’, we still have the old problem of who designed the designer?

    Full disclosure: I am a devout disciple of the Cosmic Aardvark, of course!

  2. Michael Fugate

    They have wings like the Cosmic Aardvark and they are likely self-aware

  3. Just realized that guardian angels are relatives of the intelligent designer. They share invisibility. Like the intelligent designer guardian angels are ignored by science and favored by religious fundamentalists.

  4. Charles Deetz ;)

    I think I’ve got it. Friends were at a super spreader, but sure how it got to me. Oh cosmic aardvark, I pray you save me.

  5. @MichaelF: crows are one of the very few species who won a war against mankind.

  6. Dave Luckett

    Emus, FrankB. Emus. And very likely, rats and cockroaches.

  7. Important news, dear friends. Tiktaalik disproves Darwinism.

    The title already is thrilling: Tiktaalik is the missing missing link.

    “Nu, ruim 150 jaar later, is er nog maar een handjevol fossielen dat als overgangsfossiel wordt bestempeld.”

    “Now, more than 150 year later (ie after Darwin published Origins – FrankB) only a handful fossils qualifies as a transitional fossil.”

    Compare the list at Wikipedia and you’ll know how many fingers creationists have at one hand.

    “Dat was groot nieuws, want de vondst van het Tiktaalik roseae-fossiel werd door de evolutietheorie voorspeld.”

    “That was big news, because finding the Tiktaalik roseae-fossil was predicted by evolution theory.”

    Take a seat, because Dutch YEC-genius GL van Heugten has appalling news for us evilutionists.

    “Wat er vaak niet bij gezegd wordt is dat er ook nog een andere opzienbarende ontdekking is gedaan, ditmaal in Polen.”

    “What they often don’t tell you is that also another sensational discovery is made, this time in Poland.”

    A YEC-er like Van Heugten doesn’t need to give any source. The idea that he could be wrong!

    “Daar werden namelijk pootafdrukken van tetrapoda gevonden in gesteente dat gedateerd werd op 395 miljoen jaar oud.”

    “There footprints of tetrapods have been found in rocks that were dated 395 million years ago.”

    So what’s the problem?

    “Dat is dus twintig miljoen jaar ouder dan de dieren die deze sporen konden achterlaten!”

    “So that’s 20 million years older than the animals who could leave those prints behind!”

    “Dit betekent dat er, volgens de evolutietijdlijn, al viervoetigen waren vóórdat de overgangsvorm, Tiktaalik, ten tonele verscheen.”


    “This means that, according to the timeline of evolution, there already were tetrapods befóre the transitional form, Tiktaalik, appeared.”


    “En dat houdt in dat Tiktaalik dus helemaal niet de verwachte overgangsvorm is.”

    “And that means that Tiktaalik is not the expected transitional form at all.”

    I’m definitely silenced by my compatriot, though perhaps not exactly for the reasons he imagines.

  8. Our Curmudgeon unaccountably omits from the catalogue of incontrovertible proofs Undeniable fact four:

    The Cosmic Aardvark is a cunning anagram for the following Secret Spiritual Messages:

    Vicar Stomached Ark
    I Croak Scared Ham TV
    I Saved Crotch Karma

    …and many other Divine Mysteries!

  9. It should never be overlooked that Megalonyx is a scrambled spelling of Xenogamy, a perverted transfer of pollen from one species to another.

  10. Au contraire, mon ami! As Olivia daily (and nightly) (and ecstatically) attests: I, as a Fifth-Degree Acolyte of the Seventh Day Aardvarkist Church, am possessed of monumentally potent crotch karma.

  11. The only dimwits that use the expression about this being an ACCIDENT are the creatards!!! Science does not say that!!

  12. Until recently I was rather uninterested in the forthcoming American elections. However the outcome might be a big influence on the Brexit and the stunts of Bojo the Clown.

  13. Michael Fugate

    Here are some of the worries from the UK science community

  14. The IDiots from Seattle have disappointed me – they haven’t paid any attention to

  15. @FrankB
    There is a massive amount written about design. There are many academic schools of design which grant degrees, sometimes attached to colleges and universities. They study architectural design, interior design, fashion design, industrial design, etc.
    But when one speaks of “Intelligent Design”, I would be interested in
    any reference to design.

  16. Michael Fugate

    220,000 and counting – being a bully is often counterproductive

  17. By popular demand (well, at least FrankB’s), reposting herewith the link to DI’s website with the multiple endorsements by Stephen C. Meyer’s of Brexit.

    The DI are in good company here and add the weight of their authority to the other public endorsements of Brexit by the likes of Marine Le Pen,
    Viktor Orbán, Matteo Salvini, Geert Wilders, Vladimir Putin, and Donald Trump.

    But it’s hard to find organisations that are Brexit cheerleaders (the CBI, the TUC, Academia &c all oppose), but there are a few: most notably, ISIS

  18. Meanwhile, the Britain Formerly Known as Great is about to take its first steps in the Brave New World of Brexit:

    Soy sauce: Will it be cheaper next year?