Today’s letter-to-the-editor was found in the Mitchell Republic of Mitchell, South Dakota. Hey — it’s the sixth most populous city in South Dakota! The letter is titled A letter to God, and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.
Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Frank. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!
I am dedicating this letter to God and am excited about sharing it with you people! [We’re excited too!] God is really good and does everything He can [Everything!] to prove that His hand is stretched out still for mankind.
Behold the outstretched hand! Then Frankie says:
Mankind, though, has stretched the limits of God. I remember once, on Saturday Night Live, that they were using the word Satan to shock, astound and dismay their viewers. [That’s terrible!] I thought I would watch it for entertainment and I wished I hadn’t even seen the show. It seemed like they were worshiping Satan [Gasp!] and it made me feel terrible. [We understand!] I did turn it off. As a matter of fact I haven’t watched television for a couple of years.
That must have been a ghastly experience for Frankie. But it wasn’t the only one. He tells us:
Once I decided to watch a religious show on the TV and the very first part of the show there was a man having relations with a sheep! [Aaaargh!!] Is this what God wants from us? To shock and astonish people so much that they are numb from good feelings?
We didn’t see either of those shows. It’s amazing that Frankie was able to survive such horror. He continues:
We talk about how terrible the other countries are but the United States is the only country, so far, that has blown up men, women and children including babies in the horrific nuclear or atomic bombs that the U.S. dropped on Japan.
Frankie believes that the U.S. is pure evil. Let’s read on:
I don’t know what to say to Jesus, the judge, except that I hope He can forgive us for our sins!
Yeah, using the bomb to end the war was a huge sin! Another excerpt:
Please come quickly Lord Jesus. I am sure if people really knew that you were real they would be a lot different. People don’t read the Bible and are taught about evolution [Oh no, evolution!], which teaches everything is by chance and there really isn’t no God.
Your Curmudgeon is confused. What’s worse in Frank’s opinion — the Saturday Night Live TV show, bombing Japan to stop the war, teaching evolution in school — or maybe it was that sheep thing. It doesn’t matter — they’re all bad! And now we come to the end:
The only thing I can say is I know that you’re real Jesus, and there are a lot of people in the Bible belt that know you’re real and are seeking your face. Please come, Lord Jesus.
Now that was a great letter! Thanks, Frank.
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