Everything You Will Ever Need To Know

At last, dear reader, your quest has ended — successfully. This is what you’ve been looking for all your life — even if you haven’t realized it. Everything is revealed in the latest post by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

It’s at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), ol’ Hambo’s creationist ministry, titled “The Bible: All You Need to Know” Webinar, December 5, 2020. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Is there archaeological and scientific evidence for the events in the Bible? Should we start with Scripture alone? What was the “star of Bethlehem?” Is the Bible really inerrant? How do we know it’s really God’s Word? Did Jesus really rise from the dead?

Wow, what a beginning! Those questions have been rattling around in your head all your life, haven’t they? And you never found answers, did you? Well, pay attention! Hambo says:

Whew — there are a lot of questions people have about the truth of God’s Word!

Ooooooooooooh! Hambo understands! He’s so wonderful! After that he tells us:

Maybe you’re wondering — or your child, grandchild, friend, or coworker is wondering — about such questions, and you want to be equipped to give a defense for the hope you have. Well, we have an event that will answer all these questions!

Hambo has the answers! He continues:

Answers in Genesis — UK/Europe has planned an exciting full-day webinar event, “The Bible: All You Need to Know.” This special event is taking place on Saturday, December 5, beginning at 11:50 GMT (that’s a fairly early morning for those in our time zone — 7:50 a.m. ET).

Mark your calendar, dear reader. You don’t want to miss this! Let’s read on:

Hear teaching from AiG–US’ Tim Chaffey, Bodie Hodge, and Dr. Terry Mortenson, and AiG–UK’s Simon Turpin, along with Prof. Stuart Burgess, Prof. Brian Edwards, and Prof. Andy McIntosh. It’s a great line-up of Bible-affirming speakers.

Intellectual giants, every one of them! This is from Hambo’s last paragraph:

Don’t miss this exciting event — you will be equipped and encouraged to stand on the truth of God’s Word.

Okay, dear reader, now get busy! Register, then focus on the event. Learn what those great minds have to offer. Then you’ll know everything you’ll ever need to know — thanks to ol’ Hambo!

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

4 responses to “Everything You Will Ever Need To Know

  1. The webinar title tells you all you need to know…the presenter is an idiot of the highest order. The buyBull does not say anything anyone needs to know!

  2. Derek Freyberg

    Well, at least it’s cheap – only 5 pounds ($6.63 says the internet).

  3. I wonder — what would be the biblical topic, and what would be the specific question, that would soonest elicit a flat-out, demonstrably false assertion from AIG?

    What would be the most effective and efficient “gotcha” question?

  4. “How do you know that was the star of Bethlehem? Were you there?”