All of you know that Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia — is the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. But did you know that he is also one of the world’s greatest experts on the topic of coprolites? Well, it’s true.
If you have any doubts, take a look at his latest post at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry. It’s titled Fossil Fish Feces — a Reminder of the Flood. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
What’s a coprolite? Well, it’s fossil feces (i.e., fossil animal dung) — and it’s actually a reminder of the global flood of Noah’s day. [Amazing!] You see, scientists have found fossilized feces from creatures like dinosaurs and fish. These remains help researchers piece together what these creatures ate and what food webs might have looked like. But why do coprolites even exist at all?
Good question! And doncha know it — Hambo has the answer! But he doesn’t tell us right away. Instead he says:
Before we answer that, consider a new study [Link omitted!] that scanned hundreds of coprolites to determine what was inside. What they found were bones, scales, and teeth — one very tiny coprolite even contained some skull bones and two tail vertebrae from a small marine reptile. These fecal remains were preserved in exquisite detail — how? After all, millions of years of fish excrement (thankfully!) doesn’t just pile up at the bottom of rivers, lakes, seas, and oceans, waiting to be turned into fossils!
Hambo seems to have intimate knowledge of how coprolites are created. Isn’t he wonderful? He tells us:
Coprolites remind us of the global flood. [They do?] This new study was looking at feces that didn’t have time to decay or be eaten by detritivores (i.e., an animal that feeds on dead organic material) before they were rapidly buried by sediment. Research has shown that feces must be preserved within 24 hours for us to find coprolites — and since we find mass fossil “latrines” in various places around the world, something must have happened that could bury these very quickly!
Wowie — what happened to all that feces? Hambo continues:
Fast-formed fossils, like these piles of coprolites, remind us that the history in God’s Word concerning the global Flood of Genesis is true. The evidence is overwhelming.
Ooooooooooooh! Coprolites are evidence of the Flood! Let’s read on:
Sadly, many suppress the truth in unrighteousness and refuse to acknowledge the truth of God’s Word and the gospel. You see, these coprolites are a reminder that God really did judge sin at the time of Noah — and that he provided a way of salvation: the ark.
Only a hell-bound fool would deny it! And now we come to the end:
He will judge sin again, but he has provided a way of salvation, the Lord Jesus Christ, who took our penalty of death for us when he died on the cross. When we repent and believe in him, we are forgiven and receive new and eternal life.
Admit it, dear reader — the evidence is undeniable. From now on, whenever you think of the Flood, you should also think of fossilized feces. According to Hambo, the two go together,
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