Christmas Gift Suggestions for Creationists

The holiday spirit is gripping the creationist websites we visit. We’ll give you two examples.

The Discovery Institute’s creationist blog is merily hustling business for their new gift shop. They just posted It’s Black Friday — What to Buy? Perhaps These ID-Themed Puzzles. It was written by Amanda Witt, who happily functions as their internet salesgirl. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Welcome to Black Friday, the first day of the Christmas shopping season. Looking for gift ideas? [Of course!] With the weather getting colder and COVID-19 further limiting activities, people need entertaining things to do at home with family.

Amanda doesn’t realize it, but there’s nothing more entertaining than visiting creationist blogs — and it’s free. Anyway, she has stuff to sell, and she says:

Our Discovery Institute-CSC Zazzle store has some beautiful puzzles featuring images of galaxies, nebulae, and planets taken by the Hubble and Spitzer Space Telescopes.

We followed her link to their puzzle page. Most of the puzzle images are what you’d expect to see at the NASA website. There’s nothing creationist about them — unless you think the universe is the handiwork of their intelligent designer — blessed be he! Well, there’s one item featuring a much abused quote from Darwin about teaching both sides of a question — as if creationism were a scientific question. Anyway, after that she tells us:

One nice thing about Zazzle’s platform is that for each design, the customer can choose a size and difficulty level. So you can opt for an easy 30-piece puzzle, or choose the same design on a challenging 520-piece puzzle, or a difficult 1,014-piece puzzle.

For creationists, we recommend the easy versions. She wraps it up with this:

Some of the puzzles feature information about the image, and some are simply the beautiful image. We hope you enjoy them.

Whoopie! But wait — we said we’d give you two examples of creationists selling Christmas gifts, so now let’s take a look at what’s being offered by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

At the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), ol’ Hambo’s creationist ministry, he just posted Lifetime Boarding Pass: The Gift That Lasts a Lifetime.

[Yawn] He’s peddling lifetime admission to his creation museum and his replica of Noah’s ark. There’s no need for us to dig into Hambo’s post because we wrote about essentially the same thing six months ago — see Hambo Offers the World’s Greatest Opportunity.

Anyway, if you have a drooling creationist idiot on your Christmas list, now you know where to go to get an appropriate gift. It pleases your Curmudgeon to provide you with this timely information.

Copyright © 2020. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

6 responses to “Christmas Gift Suggestions for Creationists

  1. No shirts with a crocoduck (or some variation) for sale? I’m disappointed.

  2. Michael Fugate
    Or they tees too. Like Dinosaurs est. day 6 or sun, moon, stars est. day 4.
    CMI also has a store. Boring books and videos 😢
    One could go to a natural history museum for a real store…

  3. Michael Fugate

    FrankB you can get one on Zazzle

  4. chris schilling

    Give ’em the old razzle Zazzle
    Razzle Zazzle ’em
    Give ’em a stocking with lots of crap in it
    And we can put a feather in our cap for it

    Give ’em the old Horsehead Nebula
    Picture puzzle ’em!
    How can they see with stars all in their eyes?

    Though we got ’em straight from NASA’s
    Just let ’em try and sue our asses
    Razzle Zazzle ’em
    And they’ll never catch wise

    Though you may be a bald-faced liar
    They’ll let you get away with Meyer
    Razzle Zazzle ’em
    And they’ll come back for more

    — apologies to Kander and Ebb

  5. One gift fits all:
    A clue.

  6. Is that ‘Lifetime Pass’ for the lifetime of the ticket holder, or the lifetime of the Arc Park? Enquiring minds need to know.