This one is so grandiose it’ll astound you. We found it at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG),the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
It’s titled How Can We Equip Generations to Stand?, and it was written by ol’ Hambo himself. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
With each passing day, it seems our world is getting crazier. [Whose fault is that?] Untethered from the truth of God’s Word, America, in particular, is a nation that continuously sinks to new levels of foolishness and depravity — and that is certainly what we’re seeing all around us! [It’s Darwin’s fault!] How do we equip our young people to stand in the midst of this?
Things are certainly bad, but Hambo has the answers! He says:
Well, that will be focus of our Answers for Pastors & Leaders Conference [Link omitted!] (actually, open to all to attend), October 5–7, 2021, at the Ark Encounter south of Cincinnati. [You don’t need to be a preacher to attend!] And it’s also the focus of my newest book (more on that below). This conference is specifically geared towards pastors and Christian leaders, but it’s open for anyone to attend — and I strongly encourage parents and others with influence over children to make plans to come. During this conference, we will be equipping you to raise godly generations. You won’t want to miss it!
You won’t believe what’s coming next:
This conference includes a free seven-day pass [Seven days!] to visit both the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum (45 minutes away) [Wowie!] so you can enjoy everything these attractions have to offer, including our new virtual reality experience and Fearfully and Wonderfully Made pro-life exhibit. [Sounds wonderful!] Early-bird pricing ends soon, so be sure to register today for this timely conference.
As you know, ol’ Hambo is famed not only for his creationist ministry, Answers in Genesis (AIG), but also for the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, and for building an exact replica of Noah’s Ark. With one visit, you can not only attend the preacher’s conference, but also see Hambo’s other attractions. Isn’t that great?
This will be our final excerpt:
As I mentioned above, my new book Will They Stand?: Parenting Kids to Face the Giants [Link omitted] also focuses on how to raise godly generations. It includes personal stories from my upbringing, biblical principles from God’s Word on how to raise godly children, the roles of fathers and mothers in education, and a chapter from my daughter, Renee, who heads up AiG’s Christian school Twelve Stones Christian Academy [Link omitted], as well as a chapter featuring my wife, Mally. It’s a different sort of book to those I’ve written in the past, and I encourage you to read it in preparation for this conference.
You wanna be prepared, dear reader, so read all that stuff before you visit Hambo’s glorious events. You will be going, won’t you?
Copyright © 2021. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.