Sometimes, a little bit of evidence can go a long way. A good example of this is presented to us today by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. His new post is titled Neanderthal Toothpick Discovery Reminds Us God’s Word is True. It’s at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
And the discoveries continue! What do I mean? Well, it seems that every few weeks there’s another story in the news about a new discovery highlighting just how “like us” Neanderthals were. They wore jewelry and makeup, made musical instruments and tools, caught and ate fresh shellfish, could hear like us, and this newest discovery adds yet another thing to the list: they used toothpicks and practiced oral hygiene.
Ooooooooooooh! They used toothpicks! How unexpected! Hambo says:
The picture of who Neanderthals were has totally changed since I went to school and was taught they were primitive brutes!
What’s he saying, and why? Is he really telling us that there’s no difference between (a) him and his followers, and (b) Neanderthals? Let’s find out. He tells us:
Scientists studying two teeth found in a cave determined that the owner of the teeth fashioned and used a toothpick often enough to “leave a clear trace.” … It’s yet another reminder that Neanderthals were human, just like us. They weren’t unintelligent brutes — a popular perception that lingers in the minds of many and often in museums. All the evidence points to their humanity. And the evidence just keeps coming!
Ooook, oooook! Or should that be Ugh, ugh! Anyway, Hambo continues:
You see, when the bones of Neanderthals were first discovered, they were assumed to be our evolutionary relatives, but not fully human. [Gasp — evolution!] But those who started with God’s Word knew the truth — [Ooooooooooooh! The Truth™!] these were the remains of humans and therefore they were people made in the image of God, descended from Adam and Eve. And, eventually, the evidence confirmed exactly what we’d expect starting with God’s Word.
If Adam and Eve produced Neanderthal offspring, they must have been two extremely ugly people. Anyway, now we come to the end — and it’s really powerful:
It’s a good reminder that the evidence, when properly interpreted [Hee hee!], will always confirm God’s Word. So next time you see something that appears to contradict the history in God’s Word, remember Neanderthals and the avalanche of evidence that did not confirm evolutionary expectations but confirms the Bible’s history. Man’s fallible ideas change, but God’s Word never changes.
In all likelihood, the people standing in line every day to visit ol’ Hambo’s Ark probably look like Neanderthals. so it’s not difficult to see how he would come to believe as he does. Sorry, Hambo, it doesn’t work that way. It’s only your followers who have that primitive look. A lot of them probably have a load of Neanderthal ancestry, so actually, you’re not entirely wrong. Anyway, we’re outta here.
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