What you believe about the age of the Earth is one of the most important issues you will ever encounter. If you’re one of those blasphemous old-Earth people, your belief will not only determine determine your social and political affiliations during your brief and sinful life — but it will also determine whether you spend eternity in the Lake of Fire. No issue could be more important.
Therefore, it is with great pleasure that we bring you the latest wisdom from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. His new post is titled How Old Is the Earth? Find Out in Earth Battles. It’s at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
The age of the earth is an emotional topic — but why? Well, because it’s at the heart of evolutionary naturalism (really, the religion of atheism). If the idea of millions/billions of years isn’t true, then the evolutionary religion falls apart. Sadly, many Christians have accepted part of the religion of atheism (naturalism) — the millions of years and/or evolution — and added it into the Bible. So how should we think about this issue?
We told you this was an important issue. Now pay attention! Hambo says:
It depends on whether you start with God’s Word or man’s word. [Right!] Well, start with God’s Word in a new video production from Evidence Press, Earth Battles: How Old Is It? This exciting video [It’s exciting!] uses the Grand Canyon to explore how we understand the age of the earth through the lens of God’s Word and biblical history, particularly the global flood of Noah’s day. … Through beautiful 3D animations, models of the flood, and tours of the Grand Canyon, you will see that the Grand Canyon is the result of a watery catastrophe — the global flood — not slow erosion over millions of years.
If you don’t buy this video, you’re a fool! Then Hambo tells us about some more videos:
This new video is the third in a series from Evidence Press. Also, enjoy Universe Battles, which explores observable evidence that the universe is not billions of years old, and DNA Battles, which dives into the fierce debate regarding the historicity of Adam and Eve. [Links omitted!]
Amazingly, Hambo then raises another subject:
Evolutionists claim that the question of the origin of life isn’t an evolutionary question at all. But if you can’t get life to come from nonlife, evolution can’t even begin! [That’s brilliant!] Well, in a new book, The Stairway to Life [Link omitted!], biochemist Change Laura Tan, PhD, and medical engineer Rob Stadler, PhD, conduct an “origin of life reality check” [Wow!] and show that life cannot come from nonlif [sic] and such an idea is not scientific.
You really need these resources, dear reader! It’s not too late to save yourself, so click over to ol’ Hambo’s website and load up on these books and videos. The result will be life-changing! And be sure to tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya!
Copyright © 2021. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.