This one was found at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. Hambo’s article is titled Mother’s Day Sale, $25 Coupon, and a Free Video. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
This Sunday is Mother’s Day in many countries, and if you’re looking for a gift for mom, consider resources that will equip and encourage her in her faith with our Mother’s Day sale. On this special sale page [Link omitted!], you’ll find gift suggestions such as past conference DVDs, apologetics books, magazine issues, and more. And on that page, enjoy a free video [Free!] from our much-loved 2021 Answers for Women conference. It’s our special gift on Mother’s Day!
Pay attention, dear reader. There’s nothing your mother will appreciate more than a bunch of stuff from ol’ Hambo’s gift shop. He says:
We’re also offering a special $25 coupon for your Mother’s Day shopping. [Wow!] Here are a few suggestions of gifts that moms love and that will encourage and equip them in their walk with Christ:
• Sacred: Embracing God’s Design for Sexuality [Huh?] Conference DVD Set
• Equipping Families to Stand Conference DVD Set
• The Ultimate Answers Pack
• The Sanctity of Life
• Embrace: Compassionate Answers in a Fallen World Conference DVD Set
There was a link for each of those gems, but you can get all of that stuff at Hambo’s special sale page. Then he tells us:
Another wonderful gift idea for your mom, wife, or grandmother is registration to our 2022 Answers for Women conference, March 31–April 2, 2022, at the Ark Encounter (south of Cincinnati). During this conference, women will become equipped to stand rooted in the Word of God, right in the midst of a twisted generation. [Ooooooooooooh! How wonderful!] They’ll hear from engaging, passionate speakers who love God’s Word and provide practical tools for living out faith in a dark world.
Can you imagine your mother’s ecstasy when you give her all this stuff? Hambo continues:
Speakers include: [A list of creationists, including Hambo himself!] Performing in concert and giving her powerful testimony will be Grammy-, Billboard-, and Dove-Award–winning artist Laura Story, known for her platinum hit “Blessings.”
We have no idea who that is, but maybe your mother does. If so, she’ll be thrilled. We’ll end with this:
It’s going to be a wonderful conference in 2022 — and each registration includes free admission [Gasp!] to both the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum. Complete a gift registration today at AnswersforWomen [Link omitted!]. What a special Mother’s Day gift this could be!
So there you are, dear reader. If your mother is an idiot — no, that’s not right — if your mother is a creationist, then get her all the stuff ol’ Hambo is offering. It’ll be a Mother’s Day she’ll never forget.
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