Confused about Dinosaurs? You Must Read This!

All your life you’ve been fed propaganda about dinosaurs. Don’t you long to know what they really are — or were? Of course you do! That’s why we’re so very pleased to bring you news of a new post from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo). As you know, he’s the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. His new post at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry, is titled Dinosaurs — a Divine Deception? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Dinosaurs — fact or fiction? [Who knows?] A recent article highlighted the beliefs of some ultra-Orthodox Jews regarding dinosaurs. According to this article, the author was taught, “God put those fossils in the earth so you would think the world is billions of years old . . . There were never actually dinosaurs. God simply wanted to supply us with a believable ecosystem.” So, did dinosaurs actually exist or were the fossilized bones planted by God to confuse us?

Powerful question! How could we ever learn the answer? Hambo says:

Well, God is not the author of deception. It simply isn’t consistent with the character of God, who is truth, to create something merely to confuse or deceive us. But we don’t have to try and creatively explain away dinosaurs — the Bible gives us the history we need to understand them.

Ooooooooooooh! The answer is in the bible! Hambo tells us:

In my children’s book Dinosaurs for Kids [Link omitted!], I teach kids about the 7 Ages of Dinosaurs. This helps children build a proper understanding of history — using the Bible as the history book of the universe — and understand how that history explains dinosaurs. Here are those 7 ages:

Brace yourself, dear reader. Here — straight from ol’ Hambo — are the seven ages of dinosaurs:

1. Formed. God created dinosaurs on day six of creation week, along with all the other land creatures and man. It’s only evolutionary assumptions — based on the wrong starting point, man’s fallible word — that gives people the idea that dinosaurs couldn’t possibly have lived with man. But we must reject man’s reasoning, and, instead, start with the only perfect, eye-witness account of history, the Word of God.

2. Fearless. Originally, God’s creation was “very good” (Genesis 1:31), and mankind and the animals were all vegetarian (Genesis 1:29). Dinosaurs didn’t eat other animals and were no danger to man. Sharp teeth and claws were originally used to shred and chomp various plants and fruits. [Especially bananas!] It wasn’t until after sin that death and carnivory came into creation.

3. Fallen When Adam and Eve sinned, they broke God’s original “very good” creation. Death came into the world because of that sin, and animals began to eat each other. [Gasp!]

Good stuff, huh? That’s only the first three of Hambo’s big seven. And yes, they all begin with the letter “F.” Want some more? Okay, ol’ Hambo continues:

4. Flood. About 4,350 years ago, God judged man’s increasing wickedness with a global flood. As I teach children, if there really was a global flood, we’d expect to find billions of dead things buried in rock layers laid down by water all over the earth. And that’s exactly what we find! The fossils — including the dinosaurs — are a testimony to the worldwide catastrophe of the global flood.

5. Faded. After the flood, dinosaur kinds slowly began to die out probably due to climate change, human hunting, or changes in their environments (the same reasons creatures die out today!). Slowly, the memory of dinosaurs began to fade, but it never completely disappeared — it remains (in exaggerated form) in dragon legends [Link omitted!] found around the world, art, and recorded even in the Bible [Link omitted!], in the book of Job, chapter 41 (“behemoth” was likely a sauropod dinosaur).

This is getting pretty long, but there’s only two more items in Hambo’s history lesson. Here they are:

6. Found. In 1841 dinosaurs were first named “dinosaurs” (or “fearfully great lizards”) by Sir Richard Owen as scientists began to dig them up and study their fossils.

7. Fiction. Sadly, many scientists [the fools!] interpreted, and continue to interpret, these fossils through the lens of millions of years and evolution. Suddenly dinosaurs became a great mystery, belonging to a lost world. But they’re only a great mystery when we ignore the history God’s given us in his Word!

That’s the most powerful pile of evidence we’ve ever encountered! Now you know The Truth about dinosaurs! Here comes our last excerpt from ol’ Hambo’s amazing article:

Dinosaurs aren’t some kind of deception from God to confuse us. They’re amazing creatures God made on day six of creation week that were buried during the flood and slowly faded from memory.

Now you know everything there is to know about dinosaurs. Go forth, dear reader, and share your knowledge with others. It’s the only way to save them from the Lake of Fire!

Copyright © 2021. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

10 responses to “Confused about Dinosaurs? You Must Read This!

  1. Theodore J Lawry

    I thought the 4 F’s of biology were Feeding, Fleeing, Fighting, and Reproduction!

  2. On the one hand I’m supposed to reject man’s reasoning and then on the other hand Ken is a man. This is a difficult problem. I will ask a turtle or a vegetable what I should do.

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    “They’re amazing creatures God made on day six of creation week that were buried during the flood and slowly faded from memory.”

    Amazing creatures God buried because his less than amazing humans that he also made in day 6 needed to be killed. All in one sentence from Hambo.

  4. Dave Luckett

    I wonder if it could ever occur to Ham that there are limits to the biomass the planet can support at any one time? Does he think that all the species that ever were could exist together? I mean, the Jurassic fauna alone was fabulously diverse and terrifically populous. Think of the sheer number and weight of the shelled animals required to make, say, the Cliffs of Dover – all of them extant at the same time, that is, the year of the Flood? The sea would be thicker than clam chowder – hundreds of times more.

    Are the skies big enough for Pteranodon and Quetzalcoatlus AND harpy eagles and Andean condors and Argentavis? How many grazers per hectare can exist on the same plains? IF T-rexes were living on fruit, how did the monkeys manage?

    Seriously, Ham believes that all species existed simultaneously. A little calculation should demonstrate that that is impossible.

    But wait, I was forgetting. Ham can assert an unscriptural miracle any time he wants. Because. Just because.

  5. I recommend the Jerusalem Post article that is Ham’s jumping-off point, if ony for this excerpt:

    …it’s a short distance from dismissing dinosaurs as facts to dismissing the most important policy issues facing us these days: climate change, vaccines, masks… heck, the entire pandemic itself. Anti-science conspiracy theories are reaching the corridors of power all over the world.

    As well as this:

    In Jerusalem, for example, the Natural History Museum has taken to hiding its dinosaur exhibit behind a curtain when ultra-Orthodox youngsters visit.

    Reminders of what we’re up against, and why it matters

  6. There is a lot more to paleontology than dinosaurs.
    And a lot more to evolution than paleontology.

  7. What day were Pteranodon’s and Pterodactyls formed? How about Pleiosaurs? Or Whales for that matter.

  8. @KeithB, day 5 of course. That makes them older than their alleged terrestrial ancestors, but you really ought to know by now that this is merely further evidence that the Flood redistributed fossils and put them in the wrong order.

  9. What about caterpillars and tadpoles?

  10. So Hambone, since your favorite god didn’t make things up to confuse us, and since he/she/it allegedly stuck all of the stuff around us here, potassium-40 to argon-40 radiometric dating, which works for times as long as a couple billion years, really does mean that the 6,000 years you like so much is nonsense.