Hambo Tells Us The Truth™ About UFOs

All your life you’ve been wondering about UFOs. Wikipedia has an article on them: Unidentified flying object. Everyone has his own theory. But where do you go to learn The Truth?

You go to the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. Hambo’s brand new article on the subject is titled Will the Pentagon Report Prove UFOs Are Real? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Are UFOs real? Yes! [Gasp!] Okay, what do I mean by that? Well, UFO, of course, stands for “unidentified flying object” — and there are plenty of “unidentified flying objects” seen every year. They’re simply flying objects that have yet to be identified. But does that mean there are UFOs in the sense of alien spacecraft? Well, no.

They’re not alien spacecraft? That’s very disappointing. But then, what are they? Hambo says:

There’s been a lot of interest in UFOs lately as the Pentagon announced this month that they will be releasing previously classified information regarding a variety of UFOs. What will the report reveal? Some speculate it will provide vindication of the UFO-believing community.

To counter that, Hambo quotes someone who says UFO’s are likely to be military drones that are probing our defenses, but there’s no evidence of aliens. After telling us what others are thinking, Hambo tells us what he thinks — which of course is all that matters. He tells us:

But there’s another reason you shouldn’t be fooled by the hype: when you start with God’s Word, you can confidently say there are no intelligent beings on other planets. You see, God formed earth to be inhabited (Isaiah 45:18) — not Mars, Venus, or some other far-flung planet.

Excellent point. And that’s not all! He continues:

Also, when Adam sinned, his sin affected all of creation (Romans 8:22). Jesus came as the last Adam to save those of Adam’s race who will repent and believe. If there were intelligent aliens out there, they would suffer the effects of sin but couldn’t be saved because Christ died for mankind, not for aliens [several scripture cites omitted]. So, theologically, we know that aliens can’t (and don’t) exist.

Ah yes, we know aliens don’t exist. Hambo’s final paragraph is very powerful. Here it comes:

The Pentagon report may include some mysteries, but it won’t contain evidence for aliens. Secularists who reject God and believe in naturalistic evolution [the fools!] very much want intelligent life to be found elsewhere in the universe as they believe that will vindicate their religion of evolution! [That explains it!] But they won’t find it: it’s not there to find.

Now you know what the government’s report will say, and what it means. What would we do without Hambo?

Copyright © 2021. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

10 responses to “Hambo Tells Us The Truth™ About UFOs

  1. There are plenty of Biblical texts which speak of intelligent life among the stars.

  2. Dave Luckett

    As usual, Ham is adding to the text. Isaiah 45:18 says simply that God formed Earth as a place to be inhabited. It does NOT say that this condition is unique in the entire cosmos.

    That passage comes from the continuation to Isaiah. The writer was not the eighth-century court prophet, but someone living at the end of and just after the Babylonian exile, nearly two centuries later. He thought the stars were simply fixed points of light in the sky, and (though this is not specified) that the planets were moving ones. Hence, he probably did think that the Earth was the only inhabited place in the Universe – apart from Heaven, that is. But that’s not what he wrote.

    More importantly (to a rational mind, that is; not Ham’s) the belief that the Earth is unique is the result of ignorance, not knowledge. But still, he did not write what Ham says he did.

    I don’t know why it is the hubris-filled hypocrisy of the man that makes my blood boil more than his invincibly arrogant ignorance, or his success in shilling the nonsense he does. But that impossible combination of bibliolatry and misrepresentation of the text that does it, every time.

  3. Dear Ken, you’re starting to sound like a broken record. Find yourself a hobby or something.

  4. Robert van Bakel

    I like the idea that he’s sceptical of something that at least has some physical evidence, but swallows whole, a dinosaur riding Adam. The fact- as the curmudgeon has pointed out- that he favours the evidence from NASA over the Bible when it comes to flat earthism, but the Bible over absolutely ALL scientific data when it comes to the origin of life is- as Hugh Laurie once said- “ball bouncingly funny”.
    My opinion: Life in the universe? Of course there is, you would have to have a brain the size of a pea, or be Hambo or one of his lick-spittals to deny it. Have they been here? Strongly doubt it, so many factors, not least distances, against this possibility, yet.

  5. Charles Deetz ;)

    Ten year old asks Ken, “the bible had human stories in it, don’t you think god would make a special bible for the aliens. Maybe they have their own Adam and Eve story?”
    Hambo: “Go away your bothering me, son.”

  6. The Bible has nothing about things which were inconceivable to people of the Ancient Near East. There are no stories about people of Australia or the Americas, etc.

  7. Title is totally wrong! If Ken Hambone was ever capable of knowing the truth, he is incapable of stating it as truth.

  8. Theodore J Lawry

    “So, theologically, we know that aliens can’t (and don’t) exist.” Good. Creationists have been flirting with saying this, but this is the first out and out “prediction” AFAIK. Unfortunately discovery of alien life, especially intelligent life, almost certainly can’t happen in Ham’s, or my, lifetime. Finding an earthlike exoplanet with an oxygen atmosphere is a real possibility however. What would Ham say about that?

  9. @Theodore J. Lawry
    It is possible that life could be detected within the Solar System. Is it possible that extinct intelligent life could be detected on Venus? What about the possibility of detecting an unrelated form of life on Earth?

  10. Stephen Kennedy

    I think that we have explored our Solar System to the point where we can say intelligent life on other planets, even the seventh one, is extremely unlikely.

    As far as other solar systems go, if you do the Math you will come to the conclusion that there is no source of energy that can accelerate macroscopic sized objects to the relativistic velocities that would be requiered for interstellar travel.

    Intelligent life elsewhere in the Universe is probably rare but almost certainly exists. The Universe is so large and so old that if you look out into it you will see that things that seem rare locally are actually common on the scale of the Universe. Hambo is unable to think in these terms.