All your life you’ve been wondering about UFOs. Wikipedia has an article on them: Unidentified flying object. Everyone has his own theory. But where do you go to learn The Truth™?
You go to the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. Hambo’s brand new article on the subject is titled Will the Pentagon Report Prove UFOs Are Real? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
Are UFOs real? Yes! [Gasp!] Okay, what do I mean by that? Well, UFO, of course, stands for “unidentified flying object” — and there are plenty of “unidentified flying objects” seen every year. They’re simply flying objects that have yet to be identified. But does that mean there are UFOs in the sense of alien spacecraft? Well, no.
They’re not alien spacecraft? That’s very disappointing. But then, what are they? Hambo says:
There’s been a lot of interest in UFOs lately as the Pentagon announced this month that they will be releasing previously classified information regarding a variety of UFOs. What will the report reveal? Some speculate it will provide vindication of the UFO-believing community.
To counter that, Hambo quotes someone who says UFO’s are likely to be military drones that are probing our defenses, but there’s no evidence of aliens. After telling us what others are thinking, Hambo tells us what he thinks — which of course is all that matters. He tells us:
But there’s another reason you shouldn’t be fooled by the hype: when you start with God’s Word, you can confidently say there are no intelligent beings on other planets. You see, God formed earth to be inhabited (Isaiah 45:18) — not Mars, Venus, or some other far-flung planet.
Excellent point. And that’s not all! He continues:
Also, when Adam sinned, his sin affected all of creation (Romans 8:22). Jesus came as the last Adam to save those of Adam’s race who will repent and believe. If there were intelligent aliens out there, they would suffer the effects of sin but couldn’t be saved because Christ died for mankind, not for aliens [several scripture cites omitted]. So, theologically, we know that aliens can’t (and don’t) exist.
Ah yes, we know aliens don’t exist. Hambo’s final paragraph is very powerful. Here it comes:
The Pentagon report may include some mysteries, but it won’t contain evidence for aliens. Secularists who reject God and believe in naturalistic evolution [the fools!] very much want intelligent life to be found elsewhere in the universe as they believe that will vindicate their religion of evolution! [That explains it!] But they won’t find it: it’s not there to find.
Now you know what the government’s report will say, and what it means. What would we do without Hambo?
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