Hambo Offers A Transformative Experience

As you know, we always describe Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) as the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. Did you think we were exaggerating? What you’re about to learn may change your mind.

Hambo’s latest post at Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry, is titled Next Month Is Pastor Appreciation Month. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Pastors, and their families, do so much in serving their congregations, and this is a wonderful time to thank them for their service. And one way you can say “thank you” is by gifting your pastor and his wife a trip away to Northern Kentucky for our Raising Godly Generations conference [Link omitted!], October 5–7, 2021, at the Ark Encounter.

Why would you want to send your preacher to Hambo’s conference? You’ll be amazed! Hambo says:

This conference, which is actually open to everyone, is generally designed for pastors and leaders to encourage them with practical advice on how to raise up godly generations in a secular world. Speakers include [Hambo and a bunch of others]. It’s going to be a great time of encouragement and learning!

That doesn’t answer the question: Why send your preacher there? Hambo reveals the answer:

Included with each registration is a seven-day pass [Gasp!] to visit both the Ark Encounter and the nearby Creation Museum (our first Christian themed attraction), so your pastor and his wife can experience the life-size Noah’s Ark, zoos, theaters, walk through biblical history, botanical gardens, and so much more that both attractions have to offer. [Wowie!] They’ll love it!

Imagine the incredible effect it will have on your preacher — or anyone, really — if he spends an entire seven days at Hambo’s Ark and Creation Museum. It boggles the mind just thinking about it.

After describing some other events your preacher can enjoy, Hambo finishes his post with this:

This conference at the world-renowned Ark is going to be a wonderful time of relaxation, equipping, and fellowship. I encourage you to surprise your pastor and his wife with registration to this incredible event. Register today at [Link omitted!]

Okay, dear reader. It’s your decision — but really, how can you resist?

Copyright © 2021. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

10 responses to “Hambo Offers A Transformative Experience

  1. We should send him all the pastors (I hope they are in the majority) who reject a literal 6-day creation. That would be fun to watch.

  2. He will be learnin the preachers beneath him how to be better preachin. Truly a wise man.

  3. chris schilling

    “[W]alk through biblical history…”

    Beats schlepping all the way to the Holy Land and Jerusalem for a semblance of the actual thing, even if that were possible right now.

  4. If i were a pastor, what would I think of such a gift? Am I supposed to learn something about the Bible, something that I didn’t learn in the seminary, something that I can’t learn more productively elsewhere? Or are there neighbors who can use the money?

  5. “If i were a pastor, what would I think of such a gift?” That your parishioners are not impressed by your abilities?

  6. “Your pastor and his wife”, eh?

    What if your pastor is female? I suppose it would freak Ham out the wazoo if she had a wife, anyway. Or he had a husband.

    Oh, the temptation! Get thee in front of me, Satan, so I can see what you’re getting up to.

  7. Came here to ask that 🙂

  8. Or if you want to be a fun congregation, buy you pastor a devil suit and send her to a Halloween fest. Go on!
    A pastor in Oklahoma took 18yr-old me to my first porn movie. True story. 1973. Don’t underestimate your pastors, congregations!

  9. And ofcourse all pastors are goiing to recommend Ark & Museum to their congregation.
    Ham is also the smartest businessman in the world.

  10. Nah, send him (sans wifey!) to Nevada, gamble in Las Vegas, whoring in rural Nevada. C’mon don’t send him to some goody-goody stuffed shirt fellowship of ignoramuses. Remember your Plato, the philosopher King must, absolutely must, expose himself such dangers so he can protect his wards. Only by having first had experience of the pit, can he keep you, dear parishioner, out of it!