You’re Either For Hambo or Against Hambo

This one really lays it all out. Your choices are limited, and it’s all explained by Ken Ham, (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

This vital information is in the latest post at Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry. The thing is titled 11% of US Households Now Homeschooling, and it was written by Hambo himself. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

One good thing to come out of the shutdowns is that many parents have been awakened to what “secular” really means — anti-God! [Gasp!] And, as a result of that awakening, as well as various mandates and schools reopening and shutting down throughout the year, plus other factors, Census data found that 11.1% of US households with school-aged children are now homeschooling. That’s double the number from before the pandemic!

That was a powerful beginning! Then he says:

That increase means there are about 2.6 million new homeschool students across the nation. A report also found that 8.7 million children have been pulled from a government-run school and placed in a private school, which includes many Christian schools.

Interesting statistics, but what does it all mean? Hambo tells us:

It’s great that parents are waking up to the fact that being secular is not neutral — and those parents whose children remain in public school need to be well aware of that! Public (secular) schools are not neutral. [Aha!] They are not for Christ, so they are against. [Wow!] One either walks in light or darkness. There is no neutral position.

This is one of the most amazing posts we’ve ever seen — anywhere! Hambo continues:

If you’re new to homeschooling, or considering homeschooling (or you have children that need biblical worldview training), I have a few resources to share with you:

Then there are twelve paragraphs describing Hambo’s resources. We’ll give you just one as an example:

God’s Design for Science [Link omitted!] is Bible-based and Creator-centered. This curriculum will sow a love for science in your students, grades 3–8. The evidence supports the Genesis account of creation!

You can’t go wrong with stuff like that! Let’s read on:

And if you are looking for a wonderful biblical worldview (a truly Christian) school to place your children, consider our Christian school, Twelve Stones Christian Academy [Link omitted!] in Northern Kentucky. At Twelve Stones, children are taught to think critically and biblically [Ooooooooooooh!], rooted in the Word of God with academic excellence, and unlike many public schools, parents are actually informed of curricula choices!

You gotta admit, dear reader — that’s education! Here’s our last excerpt, and you’ll find it to be amazing:

Some families have moved to our area so their children can attend Twelve Stones — and also be near the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum attractions.

We didn’t exaggerate, did we? So what are you waiting for? Pull your kids out of those ghastly secular schools and go the Hambo route to education. They’ll be grateful forever — literally!

Copyright © 2021. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

14 responses to “You’re Either For Hambo or Against Hambo

  1. If what Hambone believes is the light, I’m fine with being in the dark

  2. @L.Long – it’s the other way round, he’s in the dark.

  3. What worries me is that the creationists are hogging the market for home schooling books.

  4. “They are not for Christ, so they are against.” That verse is right up there with the “none that doeth good, no not one” verse. Aggravatingly stupid, yet somehow slips under the radar of billions of people.

  5. Ham’s an authoritarian. He sees everything in bipolar terms: good or evil, right or wrong, black or white, for us or against us. And he’s also a religious fanatic, so for him every thought is religious, every system of thought a religion, every belief a creed, every opinion a dogma. Either attitude alone is toxic, but the combination is dangerous – to others. Difference is seen as a religious heresy to be rooted out and extirpated.

    Now, Jesus did say, “No man can serve two masters… you cannot serve God and Mammon (money)”.. (Matthew 6:24) Was He doing the same as Ham, and demanding the same stark duality? I would say not. Jesus was talking about what you serve, not of everything you do. He was quite willing to pay Caesar what is Caesar’s; He knew that His kingdom was not of this world.

    Ham’s kingdom, alas, is very much of this world. Jesus remarked that you cannot serve both God and money. Read Ham’s screed if you want to know who Ken Ham serves, with all the religious fervour or a true fanatic.

  6. Didn’t little kennie get kicked out of a couple of major homeschool conferences a few years back for behavior inconsistent with goals of homeschooling?

  7. A whole lot of the people I know who’ve gone to homeschooling are doing so because they’re in MAGA country, and are doing so to keep their kids away from the plague-bearers. They are … not open to Ken Ham’s ideas.

  8. Ol’ Hambo:

    “One either walks in light or darkness. There is no neutral position.”

    So, no dusk, no dawn, eh?
    At least, no walking at those times
    Lam 3:1-3 (NIV)

    1 I am the man who has seen affliction
    by the rod of the Lord’s wrath.
    2 He has driven me away and made me walk
    in darkness rather than light;
    3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
    again and again, all day long.

  9. Theodore Lawry

    Here are some more goodies. The “God’s Design for Science” costs a mere $240, discounted from $360! The “Principles of Math” is “a math curriculum that teaches a biblical worldview for grades 6–8.” Math has a Biblical worldview? How is that possible?
    The blurb says: “This course goes way beyond old-style Christian texts that teach math with a few Scriptures sprinkled in. This course truly transforms the way students see math!” I guess it would have to if it’s going to “teach a biblical worldview.” That one costs $120. I suspect Ham’s concept of math is “send me money.”

  10. Maybe they quote form the book of Numbers a lot.

    2+2=4 (Bible genocide quote.)

  11. @Theodore Lawry, “Math has a Biblical worldview? How is that possible?”

    Mostly, it’s presenting math the way that the teachers were taught it, with no variation or accounting for improvements in pedagogy. It also presents math using “Christian” examples, like talking about giving clothes away at a church charity event, or making pies for a church bake sale.

    It doesn’t apply here, of course, but it also means absolutely no mention of multiple infinities or any maths that might conflict with a Young Earth worldview.

  12. Jim Roberts: So, it essentially consists of what it doesn’t cover. Rather like “abstinence only” sex ed. Well, that would be about par for the course.

  13. @Dave Luckett
    Raather like “Intelligent Design” meaning “there is an alternative to naturalistic evolution”.