Back when this humble blog was only one year old, we wrote Buffoon Award Winner — The Intelligent Designer, describing some of the many ghastly design flaws in our bodies. Today we found an even more ambitious article at a website called Mental Floss, which we never visited before. They say they have “more than 1 billion readers,” which is rather impressive.
Their article is titled This Scientist’s Idea of the ‘Perfect’ Human Body Is Kind of Terrifying. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
The perfect human body has the legs of an ostrich, the heart of a dog, and the eyes of an octopus, according to anatomist Alice Roberts. And it’s utterly terrifying.
Alice Roberts has a write-up in Wikipedia. Mental Floss says:
With the help of anatomical artist Scott Eaton and special effects designer Sangeet Prabhaker, Roberts created a life-size replica of herself that fixes many design flaws inherent to the human body, Motherboard reports. Roberts unveiled the sculpture on April 23 at the Science Museum in London. On June 13, the BBC released a documentary about the project.
Impressive! The Mental Floss article has a few interesting pictures of that replica. They tell us:
Among the flaws Roberts’s sculpture corrects are humans’ inferior ears, spine, and lungs. Roberts borrowed anatomy from reptiles, birds, and other mammals to create a Frankenstein-esque creature straight from the island of Dr. Moreau.
The sculpture has legs like an ostrich because, as Roberts says on her website, the human knee is complex and prone to failure. Like humans, ostriches are bipedal, but they are far better runners. Bird-like lungs that keep air flowing in one direction, not two, make running and other aerobic activities easier for the perfect human to manage. And a chimpanzee’s sturdier spine and a dog’s heart (which has more connected arteries, leading to lower heart attack risk) make Roberts’s alternate self more resistant to injury and disease.
You have to be wondering: If Alice Roberts can spot all these design flaws and come up with corrections, then why can’t the Intelligent Designer make those same improvements — or better? As we said in our long ago post: “No other conclusion is possible except that the so-called Intelligent Designer is a boob. A dunce. A clown. Or, as we have now officially designated him, a buffoon.” But let’s get back to Alice Roberts. Mental Floss reports:
Roberts’s ideal human body also has skin like a frog that can change shades based on the environment, and large, bat-like ears that amplify sound. Roberts also fixed humans’ backwards retina, which produces a natural blind spot, by borrowing from octopus eye anatomy.
Some of that — like frog skin — is a bit creepy, but maybe we’d get used to it. Let’s read on:
Perhaps most disturbing of all is the baby head poking out of the sculpture’s marsupial pouch. Roberts says marsupial pregnancy would be far easier on the human body and more convenient for parents on the go.
That’s something your Curmudgeon never considered back when we were listing our design flaws. Anyway, here’s the end of the Mental Floss article:
“This could be a human fit for the future,” Roberts says at the end of a trailer for her BBC documentary.
She certainly has some good points. Whether you liked them all isn’t really important. The point is that the Intelligent Designer isn’t very good at his job. Maybe the Discoveroids should shop around for a better deity.
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