Hambo and the Neanderthals — One More Time

This one is a familiar theme at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s titled Neanderthals — Where Do They Fit in the Bible’s History?, and it was written by ol’ Hambo himself. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

“Oh, he’s such a Neanderthal!” Have you ever heard someone use such a phrase to insult a person with “backward” views or coarse manners? (A couple of our political leaders used that term recently in referring to the abortion issue.) While the man in question might be insulted to be called a Neanderthal, the poor historical Neanderthal behind the slight might take more offense! You see, Neanderthals weren’t backwards, coarse brutes — they were humans, just like us.

Got that? Hambo says Neanderthals were humans — just like him. He’s written about his cousins before — see, e.g.: Hambo and the Neanderthals. Let’s see what he has for us today. He says:

Based on the archaeological record, scientists now believe that Neanderthals:

* Made and used tools.
* Made musical instruments, jewelry, and even make-up.
* Dove for fresh shellfish.
* Organized their cave homes and had hot water.
* Used toothpicks and practiced oral hygiene.
* Cooked vegetables.
* Painted on cave walls.
* Fed and weaned their children like we do.
* Had children with “modern” man.

Very impressive! After that he tells us:

In other words, they behaved like humans! [Gasp!] How do we understand this within the Bible’s account of creation and early history?

Good question! What does the bible say about Neanderthals? He explains:

Well, the Bible teaches that God created two people, Adam and Eve, in the beginning (Genesis 1:27). These two people were made in God’s image and from them, every person has descended (Genesis 3:20). Since Neanderthals give overwhelming evidence to their humanity, we know they must have descended from Adam and Eve as well.

Wowie! It makes perfect sense! Let’s read on:

Neanderthals aren’t some sort of human cousin that died out. [Huh?] They are humans with slight morphological and genetic differences from us, reflecting the genetic variation within the human “kind”. They must have lived after Noah’s flood (otherwise their habitations would’ve been washed away during this global catastrophe), in a harsh world settling down from the devastating effects of a global event. This means one, or more, of the eight people who survived the flood aboard the ark must have carried the unique genetic variations that Neanderthals possessed, allowing those genes to survive and be passed on for a time, before they eventually died out.

Amazing! Maybe Noah himself was a Neanderthal. Here’s another excerpt:

We can only properly understand human history and anthropology (and the history of the rest of life and the universe!) if we start with God’s Word. [Right!] And you can discover the history in God’s Word, and how it applies to science, at the Creation Museum here in Northern Kentucky.

The rest of Hambo’s post is a few paragraphs of promotional material, so we’ll leave him here. But don’t forget, dear reader — the bible is all about Neanderthals. That’s what Hambo says — and he’s never wrong.

Copyright © 2022. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

11 responses to “Hambo and the Neanderthals — One More Time

  1. Working with the assumption that Hambo holds foremost , that the Bible is infallible and God’s word, his conclusion that Neanderthals were also descendants of Adam and Eve is reasonable. And as our curmudgeon has revealed to us in another inspired post, Hambo’s approach to facts and science requires incredible distortions,ommissions and just plain bizarre conclusions . Which is why creationists can’t look away. Ok. That and the fact t that most creationists are badly educated boneheads. THAT TOO.

  2. Noah’s Flood is was the watershed. Literally. Any artificial structures we find today, pyramids or cave paintings, must have come about after 2348 BC (according to AiG). That’s becoming increasingly difficult to reconcile with every new discovery we’re making on a daily basis.
    Using toothpicks and feeding their young? Isn’t that something other animals do as well?

  3. Am I correct: “human” often means “of the genus Homo”?

  4. My theory is we are reverting back to Neanderthals. Our smart phones are a million times more sophisticated than the Star Trek smart phones, therefore the future is all downhill form here.

  5. Our writing systems are regressing.
    The alphabet was such an improvement over primitive picture writing.
    But now we revert to picture symbols.

  6. Dave Luckett

    There is even evidence that the brain capacity of modern humans has decreased over the last fifty or sixty thousand years. Why that should be is anyone’s guess. Certainly human society and technology has become enormously more complex in that time. One would think that our brains would have continued the expansion seen during the previous 2 million years, so as to comprehend the complexity. But no.

    I can only suggest that as individuals we do not need to understand. We have developed a networking tool – language – and it is enough if we can collectively come to workable understanding of ourselves and our world. We may owe the shrinkage of our brains to that one fact.

    Of course, the implications of the fact of collective wisdom should be obvious. If no individual, or even small group of individuals, can comprehend, the decision-making process must be more widely delegated. The government must not be on anyone’s shoulders, Isaiah notwithstanding. It must be borne forward on the shoulders of us all.

  7. @Dave Luckett
    Is the difference in brain size correlated with body size?

  8. Ken might be on to something because, as I mentioned before, caveman lawyer was able to adapt very well to our society even though he was confused by our strange ways. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AzAFqrxfeY

  9. Okay, so SNL used to be funny but not any more because smaller brains, right? That would make a lot of sense..

  10. Charles Deetz ;)

    The average church-going YEC has no idea what the answer is about neanderthals, Hambo is just serving up one so they have a voice of authority to point to. It’s really flimsy tho, without bringing in all the other hominids.

    Noah was advanced enough to build a boat with a year’s worth of sustainment, but some of his family is praised by Hambo for ‘using tools’. A ten-year-old kid listening to that flim-flam would easily call him out.