This one was found at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s titled We’re Mammals — But Are We Animals?, and it was written by Hambo himself. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
What are humans? Are we mammals, are we just animals, or are we something else entirely? And does the answer to this question even really matter? Secularists, of course, want to indoctrinate children to believe they’re just animals and thus are not really special.
Those secularists are hell-bound fools! Hambo says:
Well, to answer this question, let’s start with a more basic question, “What is a mammal?” [Hee hee!] But to answer that, we have to back up even more: Why do we even have such a classification as mammal?
Mammals, as a group of organisms, exist because of the classification system that biologists use, invented by creation scientist Carl Linnaeus. This system organizes all living things into kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, and species. Mammalia is one of the classes that creatures can be assigned to. (It’s important to note that, ultimately, since humans are made in God’s image and are unique from the rest of creation, we don’t truly fit into this classification system — more on that below.)
Are you taking notes, dear reader? Good! You might learn something. Hambo continues:
So, what’s a mammal? For a creature to be considered part of the class Mammalia, it must possess a variety of characteristics:
We’ll skip the long list — except for “Mammary glands to feed their young.” Okay, let’s read on:
Whew — it’s a pretty long list, and a wide variety of creatures find themselves on it, from mice to tigers to humpback whales to bats to platypuses to humans. But should humans be classed in Mammalia? [What?] Well, humans do possess all the above characteristics. This makes us, from a strictly biological perspective, mammals.
So what’s the problem? Brace yourself, here it comes:
These similarities have nothing to do with any kind of evolutionary ancestry [Huh?], which is an assumption based on a particular view of the past that assumes all of life is related and descended from a universal common ancestor. In a biblical worldview, we can understand that various creatures share similar characteristics because they share a common Designer who used a similar design throughout much of his creation.
Isn’t Hambo wonderful? Here’s another excerpt:
But if humans are mammals . . . does that then make us animals? Humans do have all the observable characteristics that would place us in the kingdom Animalia (to which the class Mammalia belongs), but perhaps it would be better to ask, “If humans are not merely animals, what makes us different?”
You know what’s coming, don’t you? Well, here it comes:
The answer depends on your worldview. [Hee hee!] If you believe all of life is related through a common ancestor, the answer must be that we’re just animals. If biology is all there is, there’s nothing that makes humans unique from the animal kingdom — we’re just more highly evolved than any other known creature. [That’s horrible!] The biblical worldview, however, answers this question very differently.
This is way too long, so we’ll give you only one more excerpt:
We aren’t just animals, as evolutionists believe — we’re completely unique in God’s creation because we bear the image of the Creator of the universe.
Okay, that’s enough. Now you know where you fit in with all the other animals on Earth — you don’t fit in! Isn’t Hambo the greatest?
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