Self-Published Genius #138: Dinosaurs in the Bible

Today we have yet another addition to our series about Self-Published Geniuses. This is where we bring you news of authors with a vanity press book in which the author claims to have made paradigm-shattering discoveries, and announces his work by hiring a press release service. We learned about this book from one of our clandestine operatives who is so well-placed and valuable that he doesn’t even have a code name.

The title of today’s press release — they all have huge titles — is God’s Dinosaurs Unveiled in Thought-Provoking Book by Allen Nance, and it was written by EIN Presswire. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Retired secular educator turned Spirit-led teacher and now Christian author [Impressive qualifications!] Allen Nance challenges the longstanding debate between creationism and evolution with his groundbreaking book, “God’s Dinosaurs: A Biblical Study.” [Amazon link].

Wow — this could be really important! Then the press release says:

In this interesting work, Nance unveils the untold story of dinosaurs as recorded in the sacred Scriptures, leading readers on a thought-provoking journey to uncover the hidden truths about the origins of life.

Dinosaurs in the bible? Hidden truths? This is amazing! After the press release tells us:

Drawing upon his deep spiritual insight [Hee hee!] and dedicated study, Nance offers a fresh perspective on Biblical narratives. With unwavering devotion, Nance aims to steer God’s people back to the original teachings and intended message of the Scriptures, untainted by human ego, traditions, or desires.

The thrilling press release continues:

Nance intertwines the scientific explanations behind dinosaur bones with the unadulterated words of God. [Wow!] By weaving together these seemingly disparate threads, he constructs a narrative that both intrigues and enlightens readers.

You’re intrigued already, aren’t you, dear reader? Let’s read on:

“God’s Dinosaurs” addresses a critical aspect that has perplexed Christians for generations — the absence of dinosaurs in traditional creation stories [Yeah!] As evolution and creationism have remained at odds with each other, the scientific community has embraced the concept of dinosaurs while religious education has largely overlooked their existence. [He’s right!] Nance expertly bridges this divide by unraveling the true story as it is written in God’s Word, revealing a surprising and awe-inspiring connection between dinosaurs and the divine creation.

We’ve never been so excited! Here’s another excerpt:

Having retired from a diverse professional background as a musician, executive chef [Chef?] and teacher, Nance now focuses his full attention on his ministry and writing, passionately guiding individuals toward a deeper understanding of God’s Word. Get to know more about the author on his website and embark on a journey of intellectual and spiritual awakening with “God’s Dinosaurs: A Biblical Study,” available on Amazon and other major online bookstore retailers.

We couldn’t resist looking at the book’s Amazon listing. It’s only $13.95 in paperback and for that you get 110 pages. What a deal! And yes, Amazon has a “Look Inside” feature.

But wait! We have the book, and we have the press release, but what about the publisher? Amazon says the publisher is something called Christian Faith. But the press release says it’s Writers’ Branding, which they describe as “a full-service self-publishing company.” Well, they said it, so the book definitely qualifies for our list. But in case you’re interested, here’s their website: Writers’ Branding.

Okay, dear reader, we’ve given you all the information we can find, and it looks great. Go ahead and buy the thing — and tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya!

Copyright © 2023. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

8 responses to “Self-Published Genius #138: Dinosaurs in the Bible

  1. Dinosaurs, shminosaurs! What is the intriguing lack of mention in the Bible is concerning the *majority of life*: microbes, the whole domains of archaea and bacteria, and vast amounts of the domain of eukaryotes. (And, btw, there is no mention of viruses, either, and lots of other stuff. The whole of the Bible seems to be intelligently designed with the appearance of being the product of an Ancient Near Eastern culture. But I digress.)

  2. God’s special precious dinosaurs.

  3. chris schilling

    From the “Look Inside” feature of Nance’s book:

    “Satan uses the avoidance of the subject of the dinosaurs by the religious community to his advantage.”

    Satan, speaking softly, subtly waving a finger or two, applies Jedi mind control tricks to stupefy Christians searching the creation stories for dinosaurs: “These aren’t the terrible lizards you’re looking for.”

  4. Dave Luckett

    The usual. Anybody can go on-line and yammer utter nonsense. Anybody with a couple hundred dollars can get whatever garbage they want to write done up in a POD edition, and they can try to flog it on-line, no matter how lunatic it is.

    This particular loony is worse than most, mind. He starts out by saying that he’s only going to cite the Bible, and cautions any readers that they also should use the Bible alone. Having cut himself completely off from anything that has happened since the second century, he proceeds to tell us about science.

    It would be pitiful, and he should be pitied, so transparent is his delusional state, except that nobody can tell what will enter his head next. It might be something that will only require him to take up residence in a quiet place in the country, but it could be a private revelation that Satan has possessed the local school board, or the city council, or the government, or you name it, and that it falls to him, Allen Nance, to cleanse those institutions of demonic influence with this here AK-47 knock-off.

    Unlikely, you say, and I’d agree. Unlikely is not the same as impossible. This guy’s a fruitcake. He has already demonstrated that his relationship with reality is negotiable in whatever terms he prefers. Once you’ve reached that point, the sky’s the limit.

    One effect of the internet: it makes everyone aware that we share the planet with squads and shoals of raging dements, which mandates caution in social interaction, and explains much about the society itself.

  5. “Nance intertwines the scientific explanations behind dinosaur bones with the unadulterated words of God.”

    How does he know God’s holy mind-meld with Moses didn’t have a glitch in it somewhere? If they were electromagnetic mind waves then the solar flares could have an influence on them.

  6. “As evolution and creationism have remained at odds with each other, the scientific community has embraced the concept of dinosaurs while religious education has largely overlooked their existence. [He’s right!]”

    No he isn’t. If you look up dinosaurs on the Answers in Genesis website, you will find out loads of stuff including why birds are not dinosaurs, and how Noah managed to fit dinosaurs on the Ark. And the school textbook, Truth to Tell, handed out in a Scottish school 10 years ago, tells us that dinosaurs were probably hunted to extinction by Nimrod, and showed a stegosaurus in harness pulling a cart (I reviewed this book at )

    Of course, a book so obviously wrong should never have found its way into the classroom. As I think DL reminded us recently, harness for draught animals wasn’t developed until the European “dark ages”.

  7. Why do creationists accept that fossils are the remains of once-living animals (and of plants – and of other stuff, too)? Why accept so much of modern thought, when it is a slippery slope to perculiar readings of the Bible?

  8. I don’t think there were any dinosaurs in the Bible. If the Bible people knew about dinosaurs they would have had the LORD send plagues of dinosaurs. I don’t think they would have passed up perfectly good dinosaur genocides like that.

Make a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s