Hambo and the Neanderthals — One More Time

This one is a familiar theme at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s titled Neanderthals — Where Do They Fit in the Bible’s History?, and it was written by ol’ Hambo himself. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

“Oh, he’s such a Neanderthal!” Have you ever heard someone use such a phrase to insult a person with “backward” views or coarse manners? (A couple of our political leaders used that term recently in referring to the abortion issue.) While the man in question might be insulted to be called a Neanderthal, the poor historical Neanderthal behind the slight might take more offense! You see, Neanderthals weren’t backwards, coarse brutes — they were humans, just like us.

Got that? Hambo says Neanderthals were humans — just like him. He’s written about his cousins before — see, e.g.: Hambo and the Neanderthals. Let’s see what he has for us today. He says:

Based on the archaeological record, scientists now believe that Neanderthals:

* Made and used tools.
* Made musical instruments, jewelry, and even make-up.
* Dove for fresh shellfish.
* Organized their cave homes and had hot water.
* Used toothpicks and practiced oral hygiene.
* Cooked vegetables.
* Painted on cave walls.
* Fed and weaned their children like we do.
* Had children with “modern” man.

Very impressive! After that he tells us:

In other words, they behaved like humans! [Gasp!] How do we understand this within the Bible’s account of creation and early history?

Good question! What does the bible say about Neanderthals? He explains:

Well, the Bible teaches that God created two people, Adam and Eve, in the beginning (Genesis 1:27). These two people were made in God’s image and from them, every person has descended (Genesis 3:20). Since Neanderthals give overwhelming evidence to their humanity, we know they must have descended from Adam and Eve as well.

Wowie! It makes perfect sense! Let’s read on:

Neanderthals aren’t some sort of human cousin that died out. [Huh?] They are humans with slight morphological and genetic differences from us, reflecting the genetic variation within the human “kind”. They must have lived after Noah’s flood (otherwise their habitations would’ve been washed away during this global catastrophe), in a harsh world settling down from the devastating effects of a global event. This means one, or more, of the eight people who survived the flood aboard the ark must have carried the unique genetic variations that Neanderthals possessed, allowing those genes to survive and be passed on for a time, before they eventually died out.

Amazing! Maybe Noah himself was a Neanderthal. Here’s another excerpt:

We can only properly understand human history and anthropology (and the history of the rest of life and the universe!) if we start with God’s Word. [Right!] And you can discover the history in God’s Word, and how it applies to science, at the Creation Museum here in Northern Kentucky.

The rest of Hambo’s post is a few paragraphs of promotional material, so we’ll leave him here. But don’t forget, dear reader — the bible is all about Neanderthals. That’s what Hambo says — and he’s never wrong.

Copyright © 2022. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

Where Did Eve’s Lady Parts Come From?

We found an absolutely fascinating post at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s titled Does Genesis 1:27 Mean That God Originally Created Adam with Both Genders?, and it was written by Troy Lacey, about whom we know nothing. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

As a ministry, we are asked many questions about both Adam and Eve, their creation, and other aspects of what happened to them after the fall. With much going on in the culture regarding gender and “pride month,” we often see eisegesis of gender and sexual ideology creeping even into Scripture. We recently received the following question:

[Here’s the question:] Some have asserted that tsela in Genesis 2:21 does mean side, and even more so, actually means “half” or “nature.” Some LGBT activists [Gasp!] state that God originally made Adam as both male and female, the female half (or nature) being removed to then create Eve. Some use this argument to justify the world’s excuses for so many different “sex and gender” issues.

This is not the sort of subject your Curmudgeon deals with, but it comes from ol’ Hambo’s website, so we’ll take a look. Troy gives us the AIG answer:

The statement in Genesis 1, “he made them male and female,” is a precursor to the full description given in Genesis 2, not a separate creation event as some claim — where God made Adam with male and female parts and then separated those parts into Adam and Eve later. [Gasp!] Our ministry asserts that Genesis 1 is an overview account of the entire creation week, and Genesis 2 (after verse 3) is a detailed account of day 6. This means (for example) that Adam was created on day 6, and Eve was created on day 6, as Genesis 1 says. Genesis 2 simply details Adam’s creation from the dust of the ground and Eve’s creation from Adam’s rib.

All clear? According to Hambo’s ministry, Adam didn’t have female organs on his body. Okay, skipping some scripture stuff, Troy tells us:

Additionally, Jesus’ statement in Matthew 19 (and the parallel passage in Mark 10:6–9) does not state God made them male and female at first and then separated them. [Hee hee!] In fact, Jesus says that after marriage (and in the case of Adam and Eve, it appears this was immediately after Eve was made), they are “no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8–9). God did not separate Eve from Adam, he joined them together as one in marriage.

That settles it. Adam was not created with female parts attached to his body. Troy continues:

Genesis 1 gives us an overview account of the creation of Adam and Eve on Day 6. Then Genesis 2:15–25 gives us more detail about Adam’s creation from the dust of the ground and Eve’s subsequent creation from Adam’s rib. We even get a glimpse into the early hours of Adam’s life before Eve was created. But the account of their creation in no way [No way!] supports that Adam was initially created bigender and his “feminine side” was removed and fashioned into Eve.

And in case you still have doubts, Troy says:

This relatively recent postulation is not based on Scripture but rather a prior assumption interwoven with an exegetical bias that is merely the attempt of liberal scholars and LGBTQ+ advocates to push their genderless (or multiple gender) ideology.

Okay, that should be enough, but Troy ends his post with yet another juicy paragraph. We’ll skip it because the issue is settled: Adam never had female organs. Hey — it just occurred to us — they didn’t try to blame the multi-gendered Adam theory on Darwin. Amazing, isn’t it?

Copyright © 2022. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

Wide Open Free Fire Zone

Once again the creationists are boring, so we’re declaring another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone. However, there are a couple of issues out there that you may want to talk about.

First, there’s the U.S. Supreme Court decision of Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization that overruled Roe v. Wade. Our link is to the Wikipedia article, but they link to the actual decision if you want to read it.

Creationists are thrilled. Ol’ Hambo wrote about the decision a few days ago: US Supreme Court Decision on Abortion. He begins by saying:

The court’s momentous decision, while it doesn’t outlaw abortion, has given Christians a timely teaching moment as each state will now be considering its own laws regarding abortion. This is an opportunity to present the powerful message that from both a biblical and scientific perspective, life begins at the moment of fertilization.

Impressive, huh? The Discoveroids have something else to brag about — see Intelligent Design Gets Its Own Car, written by Klinghoffer. He says:

[O]ur colleague Daniel Reeves points out that intelligent design has its own car, or cars: Volkswagen’s ID series, which are electric vehicles that have gone through several iterations. They’re now on the 2022 ID.4. Yes, it stands for “intelligent design.”

Amazing, isn’t it? And this isn’t the first time. A few years ago, when Volkswagen came out with the ID.3, we wrote A Victory for the Discovery Institute. We can understand how Volkswagen may have blundered once in naming a new car — but twice? And there may have been an ID.2 and ID.1.

Anyway, that’s all we can find. Therefore, we’re declaring another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone.

You know the rules. Feel free to use the comments for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, whatever — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it!

Copyright © 2022. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

Self-Published Genius #131: You Gotta Read This!

Today we have a new addition to our series about Self-Published Geniuses. This is where we bring you news of authors with a vanity press book in which the author claims to have made paradigm-shattering discoveries, and announces his work by hiring a press release service.

The title of today’s press release is The Solar System As We Know It Does Not Exist, and it was issued by AB Newswire. Here are some excerpts from the press release, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

This is a masterpiece [Hee hee!] written by Lewis Fofanah. He is here to debunk the universal ideologies we grew up believing. This book draws a line between the truth and the tuned truth constructed by astrophysicists. He calls them out with his own knowledge and research-backed with the ultimate ‘truth’ of religion. Through his easy-to-comprehend narrative, he wants to educate the world about the misconception they have all been living with.

Pay attention, you fool! This book reveals The Truth™. The press release says:

Fofanah has described in his work that for centuries, people have believed in a lie, that the world is a globe. [Gasp!] He brings to the table the scriptures of God and through his engineering knowledge, logical examples, and calculations, he attempts to clarify the haze that we are living in. To him, round earth is not scientifically possible. He believes that the astrophysicists want to keep the people in a knot, indulged in a non-existent solar system carved through the fancies of the ones in charge, as their aim is to mislead the world from the true power bearer, God.

This is the book you’ve been waiting for all your life! The press release tells us:

This book will engage you in a pondering frenzy, pulling the strands that hold the entire structure in place, making you aware of the invisible arms providing it power, how the minds are programmed from day one through the means of media and the normal things surrounding us. Influence is fatal, and human beings are chained to an invisible rope that is in the hands of the authorities. Satan has made use of that principle in dealing with us. He sent his disciple to instill in us a lie, and we are completely powerless to see it as a lie.

We know you’re fascinated. The press release continues:

He [the author, we assume] is on a mission to bring back the misguided ones to the right path. To make another attempt but with a calculative strategy, to dissect the programming and pull the readers out of the trance. He has mentioned in his book three methods [Three!] for the readers to find out themselves whether the earth is flat or a globe. As the book progresses, he touches upon the economic and political power of the fake solar system.

After that fantastic information, we searched for the book at Amazon — and we found it! Wowie — it has 261 pages and costs only $55.00 in hardcover. What a deal! And yes, Amazon has a “Look inside” feature. Hey — there are no reviews yet. You can be the first!

Amazon doesn’t tell us who the publisher is, so we went back to the press release. It mentions Book Writing Founders. They even offer ghostwriting services, so we’re rather certain they’re a vanity publisher. With that, and the press release, we know the book qualifies for our collection.

Okay, dear reader, we’ve given you all the information we can find, and it looks great. Go ahead and buy the thing — and tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya!

Copyright © 2022. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.