Category Archives: Off-topic

The Curmudgeon’s Greatest Discovery

You will never forget this moment, dear reader. We are revealing astounding news to the world for the first time today, 01 April, here on our humble blog. On a day like this — [*cough, cough*] — we wouldn’t try to fool you.

For centuries, people have tried to make sense out of creationism, but none have succeeded — until now. Yes, dear reader, your Curmudgeon has done it! After years of solitary research, the Curmudgeon announces his ultimate discovery — the Grand Unified Theory of Creationism (GUTOC).

As you all know, after the miraculous six days of creation — a mere 6,000 years ago — the designer rested. That was on the seventh day, which means that the number seven has supremely powerful significance. With that in mind, when we look up to the heavens, one question surpasses all others in importance: What is the seventh planet?

You know the answer, don’t you? Yes, it’s Uranus (also known as the world that dare not speak its name). Being the seventh planet is no mere coincidence. In a designed universe, nothing is a coincidence. Nothing evolves because of random chance. Uranus occupies its unique astronomical position by design! That is the Ultimate Secret which has been revealed your Curmudgeon. Verily, we say unto you: Uranus is the pathway to creationism! There is nothing more you need to know.

Credit for discovery of Uranus goes to William Herschel, who carefully observed it in the 1780s. Everyone was a creationist in those days, and therefore everything was wonderful. Society had none of the problems we have today. It was inevitable that the whole world was excited by Uranus.

Well, not everyone. Because he hated everything that was good and holy, Charles Darwin dreamed up his diabolical theory of evolution and published it in 1859. But his scandalous scheme was doomed to failure. The influence of Uranus was too strong!

What does our discovery mean to you? If you keep Uranus foremost in your thoughts, you can use it every day. The next time an evil Darwinist tries to belittle your faith in creationism, you will have a one-word response which is guaranteed to stun him into silence. Just say Uranus! If he protests, repeat it — Uranus! Keep repeating it until he finally gives up. It works every time, because the GUTOC is great science!

We conclude this post with our traditional guarantee of quality:

Self-Proving Truth Certificate

Everything written by the Curmudgeon in this blog is true. The presence of this Certificate is your proof. Our logic is undeniable.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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Post Number 5,000 — Free Fire Zone

This is our humble blog’s 5,000th post. No one cares, especially our regular readers who have been through these things before, but we’re announcing it anyway. And it’s also Pi Day! Verily, this is a unique occurrence in human history.

Here is the dreary list of our prior numerical milestones: This was Number 4,500, and before that Number 4,000, and before that Number 3,500, and before that Number 3,000, and before that Number 2,500, and before that Number 2,000, and before that Number 1,500, and before that Number 1,000, and before that Number 500 (approximately), and before that, this was Post Number One — Clarke’s First Law and Intelligent Design.

Okay, we got that out of the way. Now what? We’ll give you some statistics. The cumulative total of page-views for our humble blog reached 3.3 million a couple of weeks ago. It’ll be 3 and 1/3 million in another week. Page-view numbers don’t include RSS subscribers and others who read us in various ways without actually visiting here, but we think they add another 20% to our readership. The total, whatever it may be, it’s nothing compared to some of the blogging giants out there, but we’re not competing with anyone, and we don’t do anything to promote this place. We don’t even comment at other blogs. We used to, but not any more.

Page-views is a statistic of interest to advertisers, of whom we have none. We actually pay WordPress to keep the place ad-free. Because your Curmudgeon receives nothing from advertisers, we don’t worry about statistics. That’s why we don’t do anything to puff up our traffic. Other bloggers encourage debates with creationists. That’s an absurd waste of time because the comments always descend into chaos, but it’s great for traffic. We don’t want those people around and we don’t care about that kind of traffic. Well, we sometimes allow a few of them in, briefly, for amusement.

The cumulative total of comments here is over 65,000. That’s roughly 2% of the page-views, which is better than most blogs experience. We don’t know how you put up with our Curmudgeonly ways, but we’re delighted to hear from you. It’s your input that keeps us doing what we do.

This blog’s seventh anniversary is coming on 02 April. We’ll probably use that occasion to babble a bit more about this irrelevant stuff. Until then, we’ll keep blogging from the fabled CITADEL — the Curmudgeonly Institute for Tactics, Advocacy, and Defense of the Enlightenment Legacy — the secret global nerve center for monitoring events throughout the Creosphere, where your Curmudgeon is headquartered in his luxurious underground control room.

Okay, now it’s time for an Intellectual Free Fire Zone. Talk about whatever you think is interesting — science, politics, philosophy, etc. You know the rules, and you know about our profanity filters. But before we throw open the comments, we’ll conclude with our famous guarantee of quality:

Self-Proving Truth Certificate

Everything written by the Curmudgeon in this blog is true. The presence of this Certificate is your proof. Our logic is undeniable.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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Daylight Savings Time Free Fire Zone

These are the times that try men’s souls — The American Crisis, by Thomas Paine.

We expressed our outrage at the concept of daylight savings time last year in Obey Your Masters and Spring Forward. We referred to it as a tyrannical directive which commands us all to reset our clocks this weekend by moving them ahead one hour. It was a good rant, so we’ll repeat something we said then:

Hey — do you like getting up early? That’s your affair! If you run a business and you want the work day to start at 6:00 in the morning and end at 2:00 in the afternoon, and your employees are willing to comply, then do it. But why should everyone be forced to change his clocks? Leave our clocks alone!

And this is from a still earlier rant on the same subject:

In the US, this tyrannical mandate is the result of the Uniform Time Act — an intolerable governmental intrusion into all of our lives which upsets the natural order of things twice a year.

Hey, one of our local channels has a weather girl — with no talent but a great bod. We think we know how she got the job. She always babbles in monotone and stands in front of the graphics that, except for her blocking them, would tell us what the weather will be. Yeah, we watch her anyway. All this week she’s been saying that we’ll get an extra hour of sleep this weekend. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, that’s the end of our rant. Now it’s time for an Intellectual Free-Fire Zone. Use it for discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, whatever — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it!

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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Farewell to Leonard Nimoy

Nimoy

Everyone knows that Leonard Nimoy died yesterday.

We couldn’t think of anything to say, so we’re posting NASA’s Image of the Day. The accompanying text says:

International Space Station astronaut Terry Virts (@AstroTerry) tweeted this image of a Vulcan hand salute from orbit as a tribute to actor Leonard Nimoy, who died on Friday, Feb. 27, 2015. Nimoy played science officer Mr. Spock in the Star Trek series that served as an inspiration to generations of scientists, engineers and sci-fi fans around the world.

That picture says it better than anything we could have done.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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