Category Archives: Off-topic

12 YEARS A KNAVE, by Dr. Swinefat Pink

More than two years have passed, dear reader, since we brought you a new work by this blog’s most popular (and only) guest author — the esteemed “Dr. Swinefat Pink.” His previous work is memorialized in a permanent sidebar of this humble blog.

The good doctor never explains his absences. It’s been rumoured that this time he was imprisoned in an undisclosed country because of his work on a secret mission. We may never know. Anyway, we are pleased to report that Dr.Swinefat Pink is back again! He introduces his latest in his own words:

At last it can be told! From the studios of Retro-Boldfib-Liar (“Ars Gratia Darkness”) comes the cinema event of the century!

With no further introduction, we proudly present Dr. Pink’s latest:

12 YEARS A KNAVE
The Extraordinary TRVE story of Gerbilman Throwup

Our story opens in San Diego, where young Gerbo, a squeaky-voiced geology student and accomplished word-fiddler, is beavering away at his MA in Earth Science. When he receives an invitation to lecture on paleo-magnetism at a local IDEA Club, the unsuspecting Gerbo is delighted and, armed with a newly-minted powerpoint presentation, eagerly trots along for the event — but only to discover it’s a trap set by cunning crypto-Creationists, who gerb-nap the hapless budding geologist and sell him up the river!

Smuggled in manacles to Seattle, Gerbo vainly protests that he is a freethinker, but to no avail: he is sold to Westie Gored, the brutal master of the notorious Tooter Plantation. Given the slave name of ‘Prat’ and bludgeoned almost senseless by their blather, Gerbo is forced to toil 16 hours a day chain-ganged in the insalubrious Quote-Mines of ENVy, wrenching data points out of context from PLOS ONE with his bare hands. And woe betide the slave who does not fill his daily quota of distortions and misrepresentations — for such must then face a brutal flogging from the Behe Cat o’ Nine Flagella!

Fed on nothing more than the thin gruel of junk DNA, and barely able to cover his intellectual nakedness with threadbare scraps of religious apologetics, Gerbo almost loses the will to live. But his word-fiddling talent for fashioning unfathomable pretzels out of distorted logic has come to the attention of another Discoveroid, Judge Klingon, who sets him a new and even more arduous task: rewriting the Dover decision into a Creationist victory!

And while working on this interminable screed, Gerbo falls in love with Annie, the lab-slave forced to pleasure the Tooter masters in the unspeakable Greenscreen Cabin. Desperate to win his own freedom and hers, Gerbo writes increasingly bizarre and incomprehensible blog posts in the hope that their very incredulity will alert someone — anyone! — in the outside world that such tosh could only be penned against his will by a man held in bondage. But alas, Gerbo finds that he can’t out-crazy the Tooter masters.

And finally, Gerbo goes completely deranged himself. Reduced to a gibbering wreck by 12 years of churning out asinine analogies, insane syllogisms, Byzantine legal arguments, obtuse opinions, idiotic intuitions and moronic metaphysics, Gerbo is discarded by the heartless Tooters as a worthless, burned-out husk.

History does not record under which rock Gerbo then crawled to hide his shame …

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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Brexit Vote Free Fire Zone

The last (and only) time we mentioned the UK vote on leaving the European Union was Discoveroids, British Independence, and Darwin, and that was because the Discoveroids made a bizarre analogy of the EU to the “bullying” behavior of evolutionists. Somehow it generated an ark-load of comments.

There’s no other news going on today, and the UK is voting right now. Results will soon be in, so go ahead and discuss Brexit — if you like. If not, we hereby declare another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone.

We’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, or even astrology, theology, mythology, and sociology — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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A New Kind of Creationist

News from the real world seems to have silenced the creationists today. They never criticize or even talk about fanatical terrorists because those people are fellow creationists, so there’s not much for us to write about.

To lighten the mood, we found something rather odd in the delightfully named Maidenhead Advertiser, a weekly newspaper located in Maidenhead, in Berkshire, England. Their headline is Circus skills taught to Burchetts Green students on special treat day.

We know — you’re wondering: How did our news sweep turn up a story like that? Be patient. You’ll soon see. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

On Tuesday pupils at the Burchetts Green Road school in all years took part in various workshops which included learning how to tightrope walk and spin plates on sticks.

Don’t leave us yet, dear reader. Here it comes:

Kevin the Clown entertained pupils throughout the day as well as balloon creationist Mr Dali, who made a balloon animal for each child to take home.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! A balloon creationist!

The two remaining paragraphs are about the school festivities. Delightful, but of no particular interest, so that’s where we’ll leave it.

And now, because there’s no other news, we we hereby declare another — no, we won’t use our customary term today, but you know what it is. We’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, or even astrology, theology, mythology, and sociology — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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Slow Tuesday Free-Fire Zone

While we’re waiting for some entertaining news about The Controversy between evolution and creationism, we’ll mention a few items that you might find interesting:

1 You may recall our mentioning that on 04 June in Washington DC there would be an event that calls itself the Reason Rally. That’s their website. They said it’ll be “the biggest gathering of nonreligious people in history.”

It’s not the sort of thing we write about here, but we did mention it when there was a creationist connection. In Ken Ham Explains Atheism, we gave you ol’ Hambo’s view of things. And before that, in Ray Comfort Is Giving His Book Away, we told you that Comfort was planning to crash the event to promote his book.

We found some news about that at a creationist website: Ray Comfort Clashes With Police Over Atheist Outreach. They say:

Filmmaker and author Ray Comfort has to revise his outreach plans to atheists, according to Washington, D.C., police — or face arrest. … Comfort reported, “[My plans] constituted a protest and therefore we needed a permit to gather. We would have to stay at the other end of the National Mall, and they said that if we persisted to approach atheists to speak with them we would be arrested.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Here’s a recent news story about the event: Thousands of atheists gather for ‘Reason Rally’ in Washington, D.C.. They say it “drew about 15,000 to 20,000, less than 30,000 organizers were predicting.” Apparently there were no riots or other disruptions, or the thing would have attracted more news coverage.

2 At ol’ Hambo’s website they just posted Is the Sun Shrinking? It’s about an old creationist clunker that has long been debunked. There are a few entries about it at the TalkOrigins Index to Creationist Claims, for example: A shrinking sun indicates a young sun. Hambo’s creation scientists say the shrinking Sun argument is one that creationists shouldn’t use, however, their post ends with this:

Does the nuclear source of the sun indicate that the sun is billions of years old? Not at all. A nuclear energy source merely means that the sun could last for billions of years, but not that the sun is necessarily that old. … This could be evidence of God’s design in the sun.

3 Finally, we bring to your attention something that all of you probably learned long ago, but which never gets mentioned. The element uranium was named after — yes, you know — the Seventh Planet, the one that dare not speak its name.

That’s all we’ve got so far, and therefore we hereby declare another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone. We’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, or even astrology, theology, mythology, and sociology — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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