The World’s Wackiest Headline, Ever!

Buffoon Award

We tried to restrain ourselves. We kept thinking: “Don’t do this, Curmudgeon. It has nothing to do with your blog!” But we can’t help it. Even if we regret this later, it doesn’t matter. We’d do it all over again if we had the chance.

It’s not our fault, really. We blame it on our Retard-o-tron™ with its sirens and flashing lights, which alerted us to this item. But there’s more. The Retard-o-tron™ usually just does its job, but this time it was laughing! So we had no choice but to visit the website of WorldNetDaily (WND) — described in the Cast of Characters section of our Intro page. That explains the jolly buffoon logo above this post.

There we saw this unbelievable headline: Obama’s ‘gay’ pot dealer killed for flatulence?

Lordy, lordy — what a headline! Every word is an attention-grabber — well, except “for.” But the phrase “killed for flatulence” has a certain flair. Look at the whole thing. Look carefully. Savor each word. There’s Obama, and gay, and pot dealer, and killed, and then … flatulence! And they’re all in one brief headline. When, dear reader, have you ever seen anything like that? And when will you ever see its like again?

WND only gives the first three paragraphs of the news story, and then they link to the source. We didn’t bother to read any more because we’re not interested in the subject matter. It’s only the headline that we find fascinating. It’s absolutely glorious! They could have a whole semester’s course in journalism school devoted to it.

And so, because the foregoing has nothing to do with the purpose of this blog, we dedicate the comments section for your use as an Intellectual Free Fire Zone. You know the rules. Go to it.

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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33 responses to “The World’s Wackiest Headline, Ever!

  1. Oh, the comments. Why do I read the comments?

  2. I have to give them a B+. Although quite good, they didn’t use Hitler’s name once !!!

  3. Here’s comment #3 right now.

    Marijuana and alcohol are no different? Yep, according to Obama, never mind the fact that marijuana is illegal. Illegal is not a part of Obama’s lexicon. His brain is fried. How could we have elected a gay, dope smoking, brain fried black to anything? Shame on America.

    WTF is it where they see Obama and think “black”? If I believed Limbaugh’s brain were damaged by his drug use, the word “black brain” would not occur to me.

  4. one of my favorite comments: “BR549 • an hour ago
    Let’s see …… lying, deceitful, pot-smoking, treasonous, anti-Christian fgagot;”

    They’re so blind with rage they can’t even spell their favorite homophobic slur right! I can’t imagine people like this existing in the real world, at least I only have to see them on the news.

  5. Mark – I will have to blame you for my head exploding. Like a moth to the flame, I too read the comments [for a short time], and but unlike Sean, I can imagine folks like this in the real world…..I hear them when I visit Indiana.

  6. Stephen Kennedy

    When I was in medical school I had to do a Psychiatry rotation which consisted of six weeks of caring for patients in a locked psychiatric ward. I do not recall having any patients that were as psychotic as the commenters on WND.

  7. Douglas E: “…I can imagine folks like this in the real world…..I hear them when I visit Indiana.”

    Hey, easy there. We’re not all that way in the Hoser Hoosier State. However, I understand your point. Although in my experience Indiana isn’t much different from a number of other states, unfortunately.

  8. Sorry RSG – didn’t mean to pick on IN :-) ….Just that’s my home state and we visit regularly. Sadly, I am sure such folks can be found in all 50.

  9. Ceteris Paribus

    SC says: “Every word is an attention-grabber — well, except “for.””

    The word “for” may be the most important word in the sentence. WND knows its astute audience will want to click thru to the full article and find out whether “ Obama’s ‘gay’ pot dealer killed for flatulence?” means:
    AThe pot dealer was killed by an assassin as a consequence of the pot dealer’s flatulence.
    OR
    BIt was the pot dealer who killed some random bystander simply because the act of killing induces an episode of euphoric flatulence in the pot dealer himself.

    Must be a slow day for journalism at WND.

  10. Ceteris Paribus speculates: “was the pot dealer who killed some random bystander simply because the act of killing induces an episode of euphoric flatulence in the pot dealer himself.”

    Or, could the pot dealer have been some kind of vaporous vampire, who feeds on flatulence? There are many possibilities.

  11. DickVanstone

    SC: ‘We kept thinking: “Don’t do this, Curmudgeon. It has nothing to do with your blog!”’

    It does have something to do with your blog! Reason, liberty and free enterprise are thrown out the door with the prohibition of cannabis.

    I would certainly be growing cannabis if there wasn’t the threat of losing my home, freedom and liberty. And our founders are certainly rolling over in their graves.

  12. DickVanstone

    I know, I know. It’s your blog to do with as you please, but it reminds me of a poem. Something like…

    First they came for the potheads(liberty), and I did not speak out- I was not a pothead.
    Then they came for the prostitutes(liberty/free enterprise), and I did not speak out- I was not a prostitute.
    Then they came for progressives(reason :P j/k), and I did not speak out- I was not a progressive.
    Then they came for me(science)-and there was no one left to speak for me.

  13. Doctor Stochastic

    “Flight of WWII Bombers Found in Crater on Moon”

  14. @ Doctor Stochastic:

    IIRC, the follow-up headline a few days later was even better

    WWII Bombers on Moon GONE!

  15. Doctor Stochastic reminds us of: “Flight of WWII Bombers Found in Crater on Moon”

    Yes, but no flatulence.

  16. By the infamous lunar WWII bomber story, our Curmudgeon is underwhelmed:

    Yes, but no flatulence.

    Are you sure? Were you there?

    I’ll leave it to others (with greater mathematical skills than my own) to determine

    [1] What percentage increase of the scant lunar atmosphere would be occasioned by the release of a single rogue blast of flatulence

    [2] The alignment adopted by lunar canines when more than flatulence is to be expelled.

  17. A certain lovely lady, who had a brief and ghastly encounter with Megalonyx, says: “When I heard that someone had been killed for flatulence, I assumed it was he.”

  18. I am writing as the mother of a 7 year old severely autistic boy. Do you realize how hurtful your use of the word retard is? People who would never dream of using the word gay as a pejorative seemingly have no problem hurtling the word retard around to make fun of people. This is demeaning and harmful to children like my son who don’t have a mean bone in their bodies. I am not saying you don’t have the right to use the word; this is a free country. But using the word to mock others isn’t right. In using it you lower your own credibility while hurting people like my son. The target of your mockery could care less. I know you are a very smart person who could easily come up with different terminology. Please consider the impact of your words and the collateral damage they can cause.

  19. I agree with this lady. Some of us have warned Sensuous Curmudgeon in the past that the R-word is offensive and should not be used.

    SC should come up with a new name for his Retard-o-Tron. The next time it explodes, he should replace it with an upgrade with a, hopefully more clever and original, name. The R-word should be retired.

  20. Diogenes says: “I agree with this lady.”

    I do not. If she wants to spend her days searching the internet for a certain five-letter combination, regardless of its context, so she can claim to be offended and then tell the world about her situation, that is her choice. I haven’t belittled her or her child. I write about creationism, and I ridicule it. I don’t doubt that the lady’s problem is genuine, but this blog isn’t about that, and it’s not a platform for her to lash out at the cruel world and tell her tale.

  21. The word “retard” is wrong, to ridicule others. It’s harmful and hurtful, especially to those of us who live with intellectual disabilities. There isn’t a context where it is OK. Thanks for keeping the discussion alive in your comments, open-minded of you. :0)

  22. “This is demeaning and harmful to children like my son ”
    When I use the word retard – which is very rarely – I don’t think of people like your son. It should be noted that every single word in this category – idiot, imbecile, debile, mongol etc. – has the same origin, so that this argument applies to all mocking terminology.
    Be assured that I think much, much higher of mentally handicapped (whatever that means) people than of say the IDiots from Seattle, who are in possession of fully developed thinking skills. I even think higher of for instance foxes.

  23. Be assured that I think much, much higher of mentally handicapped (whatever that means) people than of say the IDiots from Seattle

    I agree with this. However, we all have retarded family members. My retarded family member was harassed when he was a kid and teenager. One time he was walking to high school, got off the schoolbus, and somebody punched him in the face because he didn’t like his face. As a teen he was playing a video game at the 7-11, a bit absorbed in the game, not paying attention, and some kids set fire to the back of his pants and burned his ass. Not goddamn funny. Imagine walking home like that. I was out of town, going to college at the time. I’d like to go back in time and hammer those kids.

    I remember very vividly this little girl, when we were 10 years old, got the epithet retard. She may not have been handicapped, maybe just funny looking. Oh, the endless taunting and epithets. Endless. I didn’t join in with that, but I didn’t oppose it either, I didn’t tell those kids where they should go, and I’ve regretted that most of my life. I’d like to go back in time and tell those kids where to go.

    The use of the word “retard” presupposes that being mentally retarded is aesthetically objectionable, like our opinion of them matters. No, our opinion of them doesn’t matter. It’s their opinion of themselves that matters.

    Anyway future generations should be smarter than we’ve been. We should build them a better world than the one we inherited.

  24. When I use the word retard – which is very rarely – I don’t think of people like your son.

    And yet the effect on other people of the words you use does not depend on what you are thinking. It is the words they hear that matter. Obviously, anyone can use any words they want as an insult, but, to me anyway, to use someone’s intellectual level as an insult is no better than to use their skin color or sexual orientation as an insult. But that’s just me, others obviously see it differently.

  25. The word ‘retard’ is also a verb. SC, and others, can use it in that manner without demeaning someone. Considering the information he brings us, he is certainly showing us things that can retard improving the world for all.

  26. I’m going to re-name the thing. I haven’t decided what it should be.

  27. Some suggestions:

    Casuist-o-meter
    Sophistron
    Chicane-o-tector

  28. Con-Tester, there’s no decision yet. I’m thinking of “The Device With No Name,” and also the “Niceness Meter.” Perhaps I’ll devote a Free Fire Zone to the topic. The fact that this is silly should be no problem.

  29. DickVanstone

    I’d like to offer up the Chicanery Gauge for your use, SC.

  30. DickVanstone

    Dang, my apologies Con-Tester. I did not see your post til after I posted.

  31. @Curm:

    Instead of some kind of Loony-Meter, why not create a blank, fancy university-style degree image and print the loon of the hour’s name on it. Then award the loon with an “Honorary Ph. Duhhh” – from the 3-Stoooges Nashunul Akadamee of Siense?

    Trying to prove anything scientific to a creationist is like attempting to prove a mathematical theorem to a person who cannot even read a mathematical equation, but who still disputes the proof anyway without any foundation or real comprehension of the problem.

    The only thing dumber than a monkey is a person who tries to engage one in a meaningful conversation.

    Apologies to any offended monkeys who might be reading this.

  32. My suggestion: Creeper Sweeper.

  33. I hope you don’t drop the jester.