The Los Angeles Times brings us tonight’s headline: Chinese media pooh-pooh shoppers’ embrace of Japanese toilet seats.
Yes, we know — you’re wondering: Why is the Curmudgeon writing about Japanese toilet seats? To answer that, we’ll have to jump into the middle of the news article, which quotes a Chinese editorial:
[T]he popularity of Japanese toilet seats can be explained by the fact that “they explicitly show the human touch, intelligent design and sophistication of Japanese goods.”
That’s your answer. But we’re getting ahead of things. Let’s start at the beginning of the article. The bold font was added by us:
For hundreds of thousands of Chinese travelers visiting Japan during the Chinese New Year holiday, the top item on their souvenir lists was headed straight for their bottoms. Chinese tourists flooded Japan last week, spending an estimated $959 million in Japan’s shopping malls and department stores, according to Chinese state-run newspaper Global Times. While many splurged on luxury goods, the hot item this season was Japanese toilet seats.
What’s so special about those toilet seats? Let’s read on:
The electric seats, known for being dizzyingly complicated, feature add-ons such as automatic disinfection, bidet services, warmers, perfumes and “masking noises” that can cover up any indiscreet sounds while one is using the loo.
Wowie — that’s intelligent design! The Los Angeles Times continues:
While the interest of Chinese consumers was a boon for Japanese businesses, the state-run Chinese media was a bit disturbed by the phenomenon. The Global Times even found it necessary to pen an editorial on the trend, chiding Chinese buyers.
What? They’re against intelligent design? They must be a bunch of Darwinists! Here’s more:
“That Chinese tourists swamp Japanese stores at a time when [China] is facing a sluggish domestic demand is certainly not something to be proud of,” the paper opined.
That editorial was written by fools! As the Discoveroids are always telling us, people know intelligent design when they see it. And they want it!
Then the editorial acknowledges the intelligent design of the product. That’s what we quoted at the start of this post. But the anti-intelligent design propaganda appears in other Chines newspapers too. We’re told:
The Communist Party mouthpiece People’s Daily even chimed in, urging Chinese to buy local, and asking, “Do Japanese toilet seats really smell better?”
That’s a question we can’t answer. Anyway, the rest of the article is about chilly relations between China and Japan. But none of that matters. People want intelligent design, and they’re going to get it.
What we don’t understand is why the Discovery Institute isn’t jumping on this issue. It fits their theory. Well, maybe not. If the intelligent designer — blessed be he! — were really as good as they say he is, then no one would need a Japanese toilet seat. The features it provides should already be part of our anatomy.
(Yeah, you guessed it — there’s no news tonight, so we’re doing the best we can.)
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