HERE, dear reader, assembled in one incredibly handy post, are links to your humble Curmudgeon’s astounding output of intellectual insights during the brief history of our blog. The world is stunned at what we’ve accomplished. And don’t overlook our Compendium of Curmudgeonly Contrivances.
First we announced the Three Laws of Creationism in this post: The Stupid-Driven Life — Part I.
Those are not to be confused with the very different but confusingly named Ten Laws of Creationism and Intelligent Design, which we detailed here: The Ten Laws of Creationism.
Then we identified the mental disorder of Inductophobia and described it here: The Mind of a Creationist — Inductophobia.
Both the Theory of Abominable Befuddlement and the Paradox of Creationism were announced in this one post: The Theory of Abominable Befuddlement.
We provided a much-needed name for a common creationist misconception, the Theory of Spontaneous Assembly of Very Complex Molecules from Start to Finish from Utterly Isolated Atoms (TSAVCMSFUIA). Then, in the same post we described the all-purpose contradiction nullifier. Those are both to be found here: The Stupid-Driven Life — Part IV.
The Fallacy of Retrospective Astonishment and the Curmudgeon’s Rule of Reality were both announced here: Creationism’s Fallacy of Retrospective Astonishment. Upon reflection, the Rule of Reality isn’t bad at all. It says:
If each event in a causal chain is a natural occurrence, then the historical totality of the whole chain of events is also natural — and not at all impossible. This is a chronological corollary of that well-known principle: The whole is equal to the sum of its parts.
After years of study, we formulated The Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of a Causal Connection between Corpulence and Creationism (CCCCCC), which we revealed here: Olivia Judson: Obesity, Brain Damage, & Creationism.
Then we published the Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of Dental Destiny (CCDD), which holds that the study and practice of dentistry corresponds with a strong likelihood of being a creationist. That can be found here: Creationism, Darwinism, Dentistry, & the Devil.
We may have missed one or two (they’re easy to forget). If we come across them they’ll be added to this post. Bookmark it; it’s a keeper!
Update: We’ve added the Curmudgeon’s Iron Law of Politics: Creationists can’t be trusted with important responsibilities. See: Paul LePage’s Creationist Train Wreck in Maine.
Update: We’ve added the Curmudgeon’s Conjecture Connecting Creationism with a Craving for Compulsory Conduct Controls (the CCCCCCCC). See: The Curmudgeon’s Theory of Everything.
Update: Let’s not overlook “Arithmetical Theology.” See: WorldNetDaily: Thomas Jefferson, Theocrat.
Update: There’s also the Curmudgeon’s Chronology Conjecture. See: Creationism and Daylight Saving Time.
Update: How could we have overlooked the Curmudgeon’s Churchillian Confutation — No Darwin, no Churchill! — See: Hitler, Darwin, and … Winston Churchill?
Update: We’ll add the Survivors’ Fallacy, described here: The Delusion of Special Creation.
Update: We had forgotten the Curmudgeon’s Principle of Theatrical Relativity, described here: Discovery Institute v. Stephen Hawking.
Update: We just ran across our handy-dandy, all-purpose Kook Activism Template™, described here: Template for Anti-Science Activism.
Update: We’ll add the Curmudgeon’s Indicia of Ironically Imperious Ignorance (the IIII), described here: Creationist Wisdom #180: Two in Florida.
Update: There’s also the Invisible Interstellar Imp (III), which has similar initials but is entirely different.
Update: We just remembered the Creationists’ Scientific Method, described here: The Flood! The Flood! The Flood!
Update: We just just added the Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of a Correlation between Creationism and Consumption of Armadillos (CCCCCA), described here: Leprosy, Armadillos, and Creationism.
Update: We described the sacred Fourfold Path that must be followed in order to understand Discoveroid posts, in Discovery Institute: Vesuvius of Vomit.
Update: Inspired by ol’ Hambo’s encouragement of creation science, we described The Curmudgeon’s Creed in Ken Ham: On a Mission from God?
Update: We just added The Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of Concurrence of Consciousness Concerning Creationism and Internet Scams (CCCCCCIS). See Creationism and Nigerian Spam.
Update: We just added the Curmudgeon’s Challenge Checklist (the CCC) for evaluating debate proposals. See Discoveroids: “Why Won’t Anyone Debate Us?”
Update: When someone mentions the Great Commission. We reply by informing them of The Curmudgeon’s Prime Imperative, which precedes that or any other mission a creationist may choose to undertake: This above all — thou shalt not be an ignoramus! First mentioned here: Creationist Wisdom #283: The Truth.
Update: We described the Curmudgeonly Counter-Conceptual Concern (the CC-CC), which causes us to read all science news with one primary question: What will the creationists do with this? See Manure Dumped on Young-Earth Dogma.
Update: We explained the Curmudgeon’s Constant for computing specified complexity here: Curmudgeon Computes Specified Complexity.
Update: We identified and named the Fallacy of the Contrived Controversy, which was inspired by a creationist’s question: “If evolution is settled science, then why is there a debate?” See Creationist Wisdom #349: Debate Is Evidence.
Update: We almost overlooked the Curmudgeon’s dictum: A design must be useful to the designer, described in Rethinking Paley’s Watchmaker Analogy. It’s useful in determining if the allegedly designed phenomenon actually did have a designer. A watch has a purpose for the watchmaker; but what designer would create a bacterial flagellum, and for what purpose?
Update: Don’t miss The Curmudgeon’s Theology Flow Chart™ — see Flow Chart: The Irrelevance of Theology.
Update: Discoveroids’ Dilemma, descirbed in this post. Biblical creationists can blame bad things on Adam & Eve, but the Discoveroids’ litigation strategy (they insist that their “theory” is science, not religion) doesn’t allow them that handy escape hatch. They’re stuck with the fact that their magical designer — blessed be he! — sometimes gets things screwed up. We’ve mentioned it before, but this was the first time we gave it a name.
Update: The Curmudgeon’s First Rule for Dealing with Creationists (Just get out of the way, and do it quickly!) is described in Stephen Meyer Gives Advice to Politicians.
See also: Look, Drool, Believe.
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