Now it can be told! As the Discovery Institute’s Bruce Chapman indirectly promised last August, Expelled was merely the warm-up act, a teasing little bonne bouche appetizer for this summer’s true must-see blockbuster:
Indenial Jones and the Kingdom of the Transparent Numbskulls!
Yes, at long last, Ben Stein returns to the screen reprising the role he first made famous in Literalists of the Noachic Ark: the ruggedly-handsome Dr. Coe “Indenial” Jones, bible-brandishing lawyer and creationist crusader extraordinaire!
From the studio’s pre-release publicity:
Peripheral Pictures’ thrilling new all-action adventure explodes into 1957 (some 19 years after the previous sequel, Indenial Jones and the Lost Moral Crusade), when “Indenial” Jones (Ben Stein) is confronted by a mysterious outbreak of disappearances among his fellow “researchers” of the Dysovary Institute in Luskin, Kansas. And when Jones’s faithful sidekick, the celebrated mystic Dr. Jonathan “Moonman” Swells (played by real-life Rev. Sum Dum Loon), vanishes from a local Baraminology Conference, Indy discovers a secret clue: an ancient scroll with a spidery, tree-like drawing and the words, “I think…”
Donning his signature sweat-stained fedora, and armed only with his trademark flagellum bullwhip, Indenial Jones is soon off on a globe-girdling, thrill-a-minute escapade with all the trimmings. Rescuing femme fatale Marion Ravingmad (a delightful cameo by Androgynous Cooter, the leggy, blonde, excruciatingly-slender polemicist for the “Science Kills” political party) from a band of Peruvian cannibal palaeontologists, Jones is pursued from Buenos Aires to Borneo by blood-crazed vampire biochemists, parricidal particle physicists, and sex-starved priapic geneticists — all minions of a vast, international network of godless materialists bent on moral laxity, unbridled licentiousness, and the abolition of Mother’s Day.
Can Indy solve the ancient riddle before he is flattened by a rolling runaway fossilized coprolite, or will he fall victim to the deadly Curse of the Golden Galapagoan Iguana? Don’t miss the adventure — it’s racing toward a theater near you!
We’re already booked into an early screening, and will offer a review soon. In the meantime, we recommend a visit to your friendly local Blockheaded Videos to give the original Indenial Jones trilogy a fresh outing.
We can’t wait! We haven’t been so excited about a new movie since Michael Moore’s Columbine High School Musical!
[This madcap contribution to our blog is by the esteemed “Dr. Swinefat Pink,” making his first appearance as a guest author.]
Next article in this series: Deluders of the Noachic Ark: Part the First