Again and again you’ve been warned. As recently as last month we posted: WorldNetDaily: Beware Saturday’s Supermoon! Before that we posted Prepare To Meet Thy Doom, Part 4, and there were warnings before that.
But you continue to ignore the clear signs, foretold by ancient seers who had the divine gift of prophecy. You blind fools! Very well then. In what is probably a hopeless endeavor, we shall warn you this one last time.
This final effort is due to the Drool-o-tron™, which signaled us with its blaring sirens and flashing lights. The blinking letters of the wall display said WorldNetDaily (WND). As you know, WND was an early winner of the Curmudgeon’s Buffoon Award, thus the jolly logo displayed above this post.
WND’s headline is Summer’s 2nd supermoon looming. Now please, dear reader, pay attention! We don’t know how many more warnings there will be. When The End comes, it will be too late to mend your evil ways. WND begins by quoting one of those foolish scientists at the U.S. Naval Observatory:
There’s a part of me that wishes that this ‘Supermoon’ moniker would just dry up and blow away, like the ‘Blood Moon’ that accompanied the most recent lunar eclipse, because it tends to promulgate a lot of misinformation.
There are always unbelievers. Then WND says, with bold font supplied by us for emphasis:
On the other hand, Pastor Mark Biltz, author of “Blood Moons” and the inspiration for a documentary movie of the same name, sees the names as significant. He wants people to pay attention to the “signs in the sun, moon and stars” promised in the Bible and try to understand what they mean.
Verily, the rev is a man who knows things! Let’s read on:
“As calamities around the globe mount and things seem to be unsettled on every front, I hope we will remember that it is a God of grace who warns and signals and is calling people to His nail pierced hand that is stretched out still,” he explained in a newsletter. “The Lord is surely speaking. Are we rejoicing that God warns us in these amazing signs in the heavens? Are we listening and watching and praying and warning and teaching others the things we have been taught? It is time,” he said.
Well, dear reader, are you finally paying heed? WND continues:
Sunday’s event is the second of three such supermoons this summer – in July, August and September. Biltz and his team at El Shaddai Ministries want believers to take these signs in the heavens to heart.
Aaaargh!! The Supermoon will be visible on Sunday! Here’s another quote from the rev:
“All these signs, coming together at one time, are potentially the culminating signals that God is closing this chapter of human history,” Biltz said. “This could be the final curtain call before the Great Tribulation mentioned in the Bible. God has always wanted to warn His people, and the rest of the world, before He intervenes. What better way to communicate to us than through the universal language of heavenly signs that speak to every tribe, tongue, and nation?”
Aaaargh!! This could be the final curtain call! In case it is, we bid you farewell and close with this:
Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.
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The Sensuous Curmudgeon 
My money’s on the Naval Observatory. (And does anyone know why it’s always too much for the sky fairy to speak in a language humans use. It wouldn’t even have to be English – Chinese, or Russian or Pharsi would do.)
Silly wabbit!!!
I’m sure he is going to claim credit that the Ebola outbreak, the war in the middle east and the tensions with Russia are all showing he is right.
Another supermoon? John Hagee isn’t turning about and bending over again, is he?
Verily, ’tis the end of the world as we know it. R.E.M. knew it all along.
Aarrggh! Please help, O Great Benevolent Hand — that should be “… end of the world as we know it.”
Thank you!
[*Voice from above*] All is well, my son.
Oh, double-aaaargh!! I misspelled Aaaargh!! above! It must be another one of those calamities forewarned by the Supermoon! Or the Bloody Moon. Or whatever.
No Apollo gies necessary sciguy. I recommend a brown paper bag,
your favorite bar wench, and Bruidladdich.
Flecks of green cheese fell from a supermoon and were reborn as Ebola. And that’s what comes of dissing Scott Lively in his efforts to lead the benighted dwellers of the Dark Continent into a proper understanding of sexual purity.
I just came in from looking at the Moon and it was a fantastic experience for me. The reason is that for the past month I have been grinding and polishing and shaping an 8 inch disk of pyrex into a mirror for a reflecting telescope. It is my first one. It was more than I could have hoped for. Even though it is not silvered (actually aluminized yet) it was so smoothly polished and the Moon was so bright that I could clearly see fine detail such as craters and mountains on the lunar surface, They were very sharp and crisp. Now I am going to send the mirror off to the coater since this requires equipment that amateur telescope makers could not hope to acquire.
This is a Super-moon I will remember but not because it has anything to do with the end of the world.
Pastor Mark Biltzkrieg sermonises—
Fine imagery our favourite Biltzkrieger has contrived for his followers, though one must wonder at the incongruity between such stern warnings and the graceful benevolence that allegedly motivates it.
I think our Biltzkrieger may have indulged a little too hard in the stuff bridging what Aldous Huxley celebrated and Jim Morrison’s apocalyptic vision:
This is a job for… a historian!
The rev’s peculiar idea that the present time is more fraught with disaster, “signs” or “portents” than normal is nothing more than a demonstration of his abject and miserable ignorance. He should study some history. That is all.
On the other hand, if the rev were capable of studying anything, he wouldn’t be the rev of some Bible barn and/or piece of internet woo calling itself “El Shaddai Ministries”. For extra credit, translate “El Shaddai”.
El Shaddai: The nurturer and destroyer of breasts? LOL
Neil deGrasse Tyson on the super moon (yes there is a super moon every month)
As amusing as WND articles are, even more fun are the scribblings of the knuckle draggers and droolers in the comments. Great stuff!
This just in: Pharmacies around the nation are selling out of depilatories.
Lurker111 informs us: “Pharmacies around the nation are selling out of depilatories.”
That happens after every full moon. Megalonyx is re-supplying his medicine cabinet.
LOL!