You were probably aware that the full Moon we had on Monday, June 17 was a so-called Strawberry Moon. NASA has an explanatory article on the phenomenon: The Next Full Moon is the Strawberry Moon.
But what you probably didn’t know was that the astronomical event heralded the End of the World! The frightening news was revealed in the Daily Star, a tabloid published in London. Their headline is — or rather, it was: Rapture warning as Biblical prophecy claims end of days tomorrow as moon turns red. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
The Strawberry Moon is the sixth of this year’s 12 named Full Moon phases. The Strawberry Moon will make its appearance just one month after the so-called Flower Moon peaked in May. The full moon will be in the night sky on the evening of Monday 17 June.
Yeah, yeah — but the article is dated 16 June, so that full moon on the 17th is already history. We want the good stuff — the rapture. Ah, here it comes:
But while astronomy fans will be patiently waiting to see the phenomenon, some doomsday preachers will be waiting for the world to end. [Gasp!] Tim Henderson, who monitors events that could signal the end of mankind, believes the Rapture starts with the Strawberry Moon tomorrow. [Oh no!] The Rapture is an event many Christians believe marks the return of the son of God – and all the believers will disappear from Earth up to Heaven in the “twinkling of an eye”.
Egad, the rapture! After that the tabloid tells us:
He [the doomsday preacher] explained a number of factors had allowed him to pinpoint the end of times – which coincides with the Strawberry Moon. “Things are happening and the Lord had regained for things to happen,” he explained. “This 17th, this strawberry Moon, this time of Harvest, and the number 17 meaning victory and perfection … I believe our bridegroom is coming for the bride very very very soon. I am so excited about the season we’re in and we have the privilege of occupying and redeeming the time looking up for our redemption draws nigh and sharing the Gospel of Grace.”
But when — precisely — is the rapture? Does it coincide with the full Moon? The article seems to say that, and other than some scripture quotes and testimony by a couple of others, it doesn’t say anything else. Presumably, the rapture has already happened!
And here we are. The world has ended and this is the afterlife — in which Trump is still president and your Curmudgeon is still blogging. Now you have to decide, dear reader: is this heaven or hell?
And by the way, we’re declaring another Intellectual Free Fire Zone. You know the rules. Have at it!
Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.
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The Sensuous Curmudgeon 
I didn’t notice any people being yanked up into the heavens, so I assume there are a lot of disappointed evangelicals.
You may have been dragged below too quickly to notice.
Perhaps we all are raptured, clothing, possessions, planet and all?
Give it the doomsday preachers, if they persist long enough – say a couple of billions of years – they will be right in the end about the end of times.
This FFZ comes a bit quick even for the trusty YECers of Logos.nl. Some uninteresting because predictable stuff about the difference between a foetus and a little child (spoiler, without reading it: none). But this question is promising.
https://logos.nl/wanneer-heeft-de-gemummificeerde-ijsman-otzi-geleefd/
When did mummified iceman Ötzi live?
[In case you don’t remember:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ötzi
A pressing question indeed! It couldn’t be before 4000 BCE, could it? No worries:]
Can somebody give me some clarity regarding urtime/prehistory? Some things I really can’t understand [like evolution theory, perhaps?}. Let’s take Ötzi. The newest calculations conclude that Ötzi must have lived between 3053 and 2931 BC. From a Biblical viewpoint this is possible [FrankB sighs from relief]. But where did he come from? Where did his family come from, viewed from a Biblical perspective? ….. When it’s about animals/plants/continents one always refers to the Global Flood, but regarding Ötzi and his family I always get stuck.
[Poor, poor YECer – nobody should claim that they haven’t interesting research questions! Ol’Hambo, where aret thou? Oh wait, Logos.nl tries to answer this question itself. I summarize.]
According to the catastrophe model [ie the Global Flood, in which the Alps were formed, followed by one Ice Age] Ötzi fits in the chronological dating of the catastrophe from the catastrophe model in the first half of the third millennium BC. [Aha! Ötzi proves the Bible! ]
1. Scientific theories must be falsifiable and hence testable. Many of the theories of the oldest history of mankind are not testable and hence and hence not scientific.
2. One should not confuse speculations with testable facts.
Sorry, dear fellow-commenters, at this point I can’t keep my eyes dry anymore. The principles of methodological naturalism used as an argument to reject methodological naturalism – really ,these people over and over again manage to surpass my wildest imagination.
What about the moon tuning red? That is associated with a lunar eclipse, but I don’t think that there was one recently – I just checked, and there wil be a partial lunar eclipse on July 16. (If you believe the fake news. They are saiyng that it won’t be visible in North America – how convenient.)
@FrankB
The principles of methodological naturalism used as an argument to reject methodological naturalism
That can be defended as reductio ad absurdum.
Missing the end of the world? I more worried about missing Amazon Prime Day next month!
Raptures? Weren’t they the dinosaurs stalking those Spielberg brats at the end of Jurassic Park?
I rooted* for the raptures, just as I rooted for the sheikh in Jaws. The sheikh: you know, the Arab guy eating all the people in the water.
*Rooted, in the American sense of the word, not the Australian.
@TomS: “That can be defended as reductio ad absurdum.”
Yeah, but who ends up looking absurd, the creationist or the scientist?
“all the believers will disappear from Earth up to Heaven in the “twinkling of an eye.”
What a lovely idea. Buh-bye!
@FrankB
You may be amused by this.
A friend reported to me that a Christian defended capitalism by citing Provetbs 13:4 as saying that the diligent will become rich. I said to my friend that I ha much experience about Creationist quote mining, so let’s see what this says in context. So I call up Proverbs 13 on my phone. And we find a extended condemnation of greed, lying, ignorance of advice, lust, wealth obtained by vanity, … typical evangelical capitalism today, eh?
Thanks, TomS – my day started with a mean grin once again.
@Gerrard: ““all the believers will disappear from Earth up to Heaven in the “twinkling of an eye.””
Sounds terrific to me! What do we have to do to ensure that they leave?