ONCE again, dear reader, we have deployed our recently perfected, top secret InterStall™ bathroom listening device, which one of our operatives placed between two stalls in the men’s room of the neo-theocrats at the Discovery Institute’s Center for Science and Culture (a/k/a the Discoveroids).
Let’s see … yes — we’re getting a voice-activated transmission now. It’s fuzzy, so we can’t be certain who’s talking or whether our transcription is accurate. From the context, we’ve labeled one voice as “Casey” and the other as “Westie” — whoever they may be. Make of this what you will:
Westie: I donno, Casey. I really think we’re losing the battle.
Casey: Losing? Westie, that’s ridiculous. ID is winning! It’s gaining ground everywhere.
Westie: I’m afraid our high-water mark was the Kansas evolution hearings back in 2005. We’ve been steadily losing ground since then. The Dover case killed us.
Casey: After all the posts I’ve made criticizing Judge Jones and that silly decision in Dover? I think we’re winning!
Westie: No, Casey — it hurts me to say this, but no one is paying any attention to your writing. The Dover case has ruined us with school boards everywhere. Not one of them has adopted a program to teach Intelligent Design. Their lawyers are all afraid of litigation.
Casey: But Westie … our legislative program … the Academic Freedom bills …
Westie: Are you serious? That’s a disaster!
Casey: No, Westie — look at Louisiana! We’ve accomplished great things there.
Westie: Do you think I haven’t been watching? I once hoped that we had a chance down there, but they’re crazy. Losers, all of them. It’s hopeless.
Casey: I have faith. Louisiana will spark a great revival of ID.
Westie: Do you really believe that, Casey? If so, you’re the only one. Have you done a Google search on “intelligent design” lately? Most of the hits on that phrase are about some company’s latest product design. No one is writing about us any more.
Casey: There’s always the great Ben Stein documentary, Expelled! That got us a lot of attention. It was a big hit!
Westie: Expelled? That mess died at the box office — and it cost the promoters a fortune.
Casey: But what about that list of scientists who doubt evolution? It keeps growing!
Westie: That pathetic list? It’s hardly growing at all. I had forgotten about it. Do you know how many scientists there are out there, and what a small fraction of one percent of them is on our little list? They’re a few hundred lightweights. The other side has more Steves alone than we have in total. Come on, Casey — get real!
Casey: But what about Michael Behe and irreducible complexity? That’s terrific science! The flagellum …
Westie: Behe? He’s universally regarded as a nobody. Besides, how would you know good science? You’re no scientist!
Casey: But we have Meyer and his work on the cell! It’s great stuff!
Westie: Bah! He’ll always be remembered for that peer review controversy. As for his latest book, it’s warmed-over William Paley and his watchmaker analogy. We’re not getting anywhere with that 200-year-old idea. Meyer knows it. I know it. Everyone around here knows it — everyone but you.
Casey: But … but …
Westie: Look, Casey. You’re a great guy. A true believer. We all like you. And as long as our patrons keep funding this joint, you’ll always hae a job here. But believe me, you’ll be a lot happier if you face the facts. We’ve lost.
Casey: No, Westie! It’s not true! We’re on the verge of great things! The Wedge strategy …
Westie: Yeah, right. That’s as successful as those IDEA clubs you were so keen on. Remember them?
Casey: That’s a minor setback. We’ll do better next year!
Westie: Yeah, okay, Casey. If you say so. I gotta get back to the office. Hey, for once — don’t forget to wash your hands. The hygiene around here is really awful.
That’s all there is, dear reader. We can’t vouch for any of it, but we think that’s what we heard.
Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.
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The Sensuous Curmudgeon 
‘Tis but a scratch!
Just gettin’ warmed up.
Your device missed one of the best parts, where “Westie” reminded “Casey” that only ~10% of the biologists who signed that hopelessly vague “dissent” statement doubted common descent.
I wish you had that device in the 60s or 70s. You might have heard Henry Morris when he realized that he had been afflicted by Morton’s Demon. At some point, possibly even before he realized that OECs were not going away, the architect of the “scientific” YEC strategy must have realized that the evidence simply does not favor young life, let alone a young Earth. But he was so invested in “scientific” YEC that retreating into Omphalos, or heaven forbid, simply conceding that God used evolution, was just not an option.
The only hope that evolution deniers had left was for new leaders to come along with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach that let the audience fill in the “gaps” with its own mutually contradictory fairy tales. Unfortunately not every activist immediately signed on to the new strategy, leaving behind embarrasing “transitional fossils” like “cdesign proponentsists.”
Frank J says: “Your device missed one of the best parts …”
I know. There was just too much material. But the InterStall™ device is still in place. There may be other intercepted conversations. Isn’t modern technology grand?
I fear the creationists, in one guise or another, will be around and making lots of trouble for a long time to come.
If we can get in to their restroom to place a listening device, then we ought to go back and to install a remote underwear extraction device – we can call it our wedgie strategy.
Tomato Addict, if you would like that delicate assignment, it’s yours.
I consider it an honor.
1. Install underwear extraction device.
2. ….
3. Profit!!
/South Park