THIS is what you’ve all been waiting for — an opportunity to put your wits on full display. The contest rules are simple:
1. The Task: Post a comment (there is no restriction on the number of entries you may make) completing this sentence by filling in the blanks:
2. The Limits: No profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. (This is a classy blog.)
3. Duplicates: It’s possible that you may independently re-invent an expression that has already been used by someone long ago. There’s no penalty if that happens, but you can’t win the contest with someone else’s oldie-goldie. If you know of some excellent past examples, please post them for inspiration.
4. The Extras: Feel free to tastefully comment on the submitted entries — with praise, criticism, or whatever.
5. The Results: Your Curmudgeon will be the sole judge of the contest and will announce the winner whenever we get around to it. Until then the contest remains open. At some point after that we’ll probably close down additional comments to the thread, allowing the winner to revel in victory without would-be competitors coming in too late.
6. The Prize: The accomplishment is its own reward.
If all goes well there will be more of these — as our title suggests. But some ideas just don’t work out and this may be one of them. If so, this may be your only chance at glory. Seize the moment!
Addendum on 19 Aug ’10: May we have your attention please! [Drum roll! Trumpets!] Thanks to everyone who participated and made this singular event a great success. All the entries were good so our task was difficult, but we’ve selected a winner — it’s OgreMkV, who submitted this:
Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.
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The Sensuous Curmudgeon 
Creationism is to Evolution as Harry Potter is to Harry Houdini.
Creationism is to evolution as Osama bin Laden is to the World Trade Center.
Creationism is to evolution as alcohol is to driving.
Creationism is to evolution as an explosion is to a computer chip.
Creationism is to evolution as a vanilla bean is to ice cream.
… as two twigs are to an orchestra.
… as darkness is to light.
… as a small shoe is to a big foot.
… as ketchup is to blood.
… as a plastic leaf is to an ancient redwood.
… as infinity is to a complex math problem.
… as spittle is to glue.
… as sand is to an engine.
… as dried watermelon rind is to fresh fruit salad.
… as a crack is to a pot.
… as hatred is to understanding.
Creationism is to evolution as Deepak Chopra is to Steven Hawking.
Creationism is to evolution as unconsciousness is to the theory of relativity.
By the way, I have no idea how much I might be repeating vaguely remembered comparisons, nor if the concern for “copying” extends to any sort of comparison at all, or if it’s specific to comparisons with evolution and creation. I just put a few things that occurred to me down, is all.
1) Creationism is to evolution as Side-Show Freakery is to Shakespearian Acting.
2) Creationism is to evolution as Babble is to Reason.
3) Creationism is to evolution as Fiction is to History.
4) Creationism is to evolution as Dreams of Flying are to Gravity.
I’m trying to give some credit here that there are plenty of people-of-Faith that have no trouble reconciling their beliefs with science. I recognize that most value the story of Creation, yet temper their beliefs with … (what’s the word I’m looking for?) … sanity.
Creationism is to evolution as bicycle is to fish.
Creationism is to evolution as mud pie is to chocolate pie.
Creationism it to evolution as cotton candy is to a 4 course meal.
i) Creationism is to evolution as astrology is to astronomy
ii) Creationism is to evolution as Conservapedia is to the truth
iii) Creationism is to evolution as homeopathy is to medicine
iv) Creationism is to evolution as Star Trek is to Star Wars (sorry, couldn’t resist)
v) Creationism is to evolution as Elves are to Neanderthals
vi) Creationism is to evolution as a dream is to reality
vii) Creationism is to evolution as a void is to well, anything
viii) Creationism is to evolution as screaming inanity is to calm reality
ix) Creationism is to evolution as sand is to underwear
x) Creationism is to evolution as misogyny is to acceptable behaviour
xi) Creationism is to evolution as a non sequitur is to rational debate
xii) Creationism is to evolution as the FSM is to general relativity
xiii) Creationism is to evolution as wrong is to correct
xiv) Creationism is to evolution as geocentrism is to heliocentrism
xv) Creationism is to evolution as a sheep with a paintbrush is to Leonardo de Vinci
Creationism is to evolution as sand is to underwear—-
If you meant that as a pain in the a__, you got my vote.
I can’t officially enter the contest, but I’ll toss this in:
Creationism is to evolution as a burka is to a bikini.
Yep, that’s about where I was heading with that. How to circumvent the no vulgarity thingy, which when you’re talking about creationism is really, really hard.
Creationism is to evolution as religion is to reality.
iv) Creationism is to evolution as Star Trek is to Star Wars (sorry, couldn’t resist)
No sorries will do: you are hereby excommunicated.
Creationism is to evolution as … did you just say “creationism is to evolution”?
Creationism is to evolution as Harvey is to the Curmudgeon.
Creationism is to evolution as faith healing is to germ theory
Creationism is to evolution as a gluon is to intelligent life.
Creationism is to evolution as:
(1) blindness is to masturbation.
(2) demons are to bacteria.
(3) the stork is to obstetrics.
Creationism is to evolution as an anchor is to an outboard motor.
Creationism is to evolution as a shrug is to a treatise.
Creationism is to evolution as The Happening is to The Shining.
Creationism is to evolution as a mobile home is to a rocket ship.
James says:
What! You put Kirk’s manly Federation in the place of creationism; and the universe of that Skywalker Nancy-boy represents evolution? I don’t want to announce results prematurely, but I’ll make an exception in this case. Don’t count on winning with that one.
Creation is to evolution as…
a basket-case is to a basket.
a pyramid scam is to a pyramid.
an eyesore is to an eye.
My likes so far:
PlumberBob> Creationism is to evolution as bicycle is to fish.
James> Creationism is to evolution as astrology is to astronomy
Darwin’s Beagle> … the stork is to obstetrics.
Here’s another that doesn’t count in the competition:
Creationism is to evolution as Mohamed Atta is to Neil Armstrong.
What! You put Kirk’s manly Federation in the place of creationism; and the universe of that Skywalker Nancy-boy represents evolution? I don’t want to announce results prematurely, but I’ll make an exception in this case. Don’t count on winning with that one.
If you don’t like that sci-fi themed correlation, how about this one: Creationism is to evolution as Battlefield Earth and the Mission Earth series is to actual science fiction.
Creationism is to evolution as a sharp stick is to opthalmology
Creationism is to evolution as graffiti is to Leonard da Vinci
Creationism is to evolution as Legoland is to Rome
Creationism is to evolution as whistling in the dark is to Mozart
Creationism is to evolution as exorcism is to psychiatric therapy;
Creationism is to evolution as downloading a MIDI file is to going to the Met Opera;
Creationism is to evolution as the Flat Earth Society is to NASA.
Creationism is to evolution as ginko is to ibuprofen.
Creation is to evolution as evening mass is to happy hour.
Creation is to evolution as Tang is to an orange.
Creation is to evolution as the bible is to a history book.
Creationism is to evolution as Uwe Boll is to Hitchcock.
James says:
iv) Creationism is to evolution as Star Trek is to Star Wars (sorry, couldn’t resist)
What! You put Kirk’s manly Federation in the place of creationism; and the universe of that Skywalker Nancy-boy represents evolution? I don’t want to announce results prematurely, but I’ll make an exception in this case. Don’t count on winning with that one.
Sorry, sorry. The really sad thing is:-
I like both, but I like pot-stirring a lot more.
Plus, just to promote my geek credentials:-
a) Star Trek had the semi-creationist screed of sentient life seeded by a race of ancient humanoids (http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Ancient_humanoid).
whereas
b) Star Wars had the much manlier Sith survival of the strongest-sneakiest-most back stabbyingly-of the fittest.
James says: “Sorry, sorry.”
That’s okay. You have several other entries in the game.
If anyone’s wondering, this thing will stay open at least through tomorrow, which is Wednesday. It won’t be concluded until the day after. The end could come at any time on Thursday. There’s still plenty of time to give it a try.
Creationism is to evolution as dowsing is to the Large Hadron Collider
Creationism is to evolution as pinholes in velvet is to nuclear physics
Creationism is to evolution as ignorance is to knowledge (ok, that was a bit obvious)
Creationism is to evolution as Uri Geller is to James Randi
Creationism is to evolution as Sarah Palin is to president
Creationism is to evolution as a smiley face is to the Mona Lisa.
Creationism is to evolution as a stick figure is to Boticelli’s “Birth of Venus”.
Creationism is to evolution as fingerpainting is to the Sistine chapel.
Creationism is to evolution as brain death is to the life of the mind.
no hugs for thugs,
Shirley Knott
Comparisons such as “flat earth to round earth” are obvious, but they fail because there is actually some substance (however absurd) to “flat earth” – there is a “theory of a flat earth”.
I’ve always liked “as Calvin Ball is to football”.
… as Scott Bakula is to William Shatner.
(My Pick: Gabriel Hannah’s
… as a pyramid scam is to a pyramid.)
Creationism is to evolution as Noah’s Ark is to DNA.
Creationism is to evolution as David Copperfield is to Charles Darwin.
Creationism is to evolution as great big piles of steaming elephant hooey is to the crown jewels.
Creationism is to evolution as a dictatorship is to democracy.
Creationism is to evolution as the crusades are to the enlightenment.
Creationism is to Evolution as a crocoduck is to a platypus.
Creationism is to Evolution as Spam is to prime rib.
Creationism is to Evolution as LOL! is to Awesomesauce!
Creationism is to Evolution as Commie Pinko is to Pragmatic Democratic.
Creationism is to Evolution as Nessie is to the giant squid.
Creationism is to Evolution as a temper tantrum is to a scholarly debate.
(I didn’t read the other entries before commenting so it looks like some of my ideas are similar to other people’s ideas).
One more:
Creationism is to Evolution as Jack Chick tracks are to Calvin and Hobbes.
🙂
If my vote counts, I’ll raise my hand for “Creationism is to evolution as a smiley face is to the Mona Lisa.” by retired sciguy. Love it.
There are so many great ones here, but my favorites by far are the three by this guy:
Gabriel Hanna | 17-August-2010 at 2:59 pm |
Creation is to evolution as…
a basket-case is to a basket.
a pyramid scam is to a pyramid.
an eyesore is to an eye.
These are the ideas that speak the best, in my mind, to the absolute valuelessness of creationism, vs the ‘real thing’ of evolution.
I love many of the comparisons written in, but none work as well as these to utterly demean the idiocy of creationism. IMNSHO…
ps – also love the ‘bicycle to fish’ one though it makes no sense to me, I think that’s precisely why it works so well! and… dowsing to the LHC; Noah’s Ark to DNA; Tang to an orange; shrug to treatise; faith-healing to germ theory; and more… this is SO addictive.
“Awesomesauce” – I don’t know what it is, but I want some.
Creationism is to evolution as insanity is to sanity.
Creationism is to Evolution as the Crocoduck is to
Tikalak (sp?)Tiktaalik.Creationism is to evolution as David Klinghoffer is to intelligent conservatism.
Creationism is to evolution as Nostradamus is to Stephen Hawking.
Oops. Glen already did Hawking.
Creationism is to evolution as Nostradamus is to Carl Sagan.
@dNorrisM and Caralesia:
These are the ideas that speak the best, in my mind, to the absolute valuelessness of creationism, vs the ‘real thing’ of evolution.
That’s exactly what I was going for. My favorite is the pyramid one. A pyramid is a physical fact and anyone can see, if they bother to look, that it stands up. A pyramid scam has nothing in common with a real pyramid except the name, and it takes all your money, wastes your time, and accomplishes nothing but to enrich the few people at the source who thought it up.
The others I thought up aren’t as good but they, like creation “science”, have only a word in the name that’s the same as a real thing, and have no other relationship to it.
It’s hard to think of these. They’re like riddles in that you may not know the answer but you immediately recognize the answer when you hear it. You also need something that is immediately intelligible to anyone and not just to specialists or people who read about science on a daily basis. (For the scientifically-minded, I’d have used “…as Paley’s watch is to an atomic clock”. I liked the James Randi / Uri Geller one but hardly anyone in America who doesn’t remember the 70s has heard of either of these men.)
Now quit saying nice things before people start thinking you are my sock puppets.
Creationism is to evolution as wishful thinking is to true discovery
Creationism is to evolution:
— as a comic book is to the Library of Congress.
— as a stage backdrop is to the Grand Canyon.
— as rap is to Shakespeare.
— as a witch doctor is to the Mayo Clinic.
OK, here’s the ultimate suck-up simile —
Creationism is to evolution as Casey Luskin is to the Sensuous Curmudgeon.
Creationism is to evolution as oblivious is to obvious.
Awesomesauce:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Awesomesauce
😛
retiredsciguy says:
That’s just creepy!
Creationism is to evolution….. LA LA LA LA LA IM NOT LISTENING ANY MORE LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!!! GOD DID IT GOD DID IT LA LA LA LA LA!!!
Creationism is to evolution as crap is to everything else.
I’ll be announcing a winner today, and it’s going to be difficult. I’m thinking about posting a list — a rather long list — of “honorable mentions,” but that might leave more hurt feelings than merely announcing the winner. I donno exactly how to handle this, but I’ll have to do something.
I wouldn’t bother with the honorables, we can comment on those ourselves. Do it “Thunderdome” style – N quotes enter, 1 quote leaves.
Creationism is to evolution as:
http://blog.beliefnet.com/moviemom/how-thomas-the-tank-engine-works-1.jpg”
is to:
Creationism is to evolution as a person with a 12pt font brain living in a 13pt font world.
>but that might leave more hurt feelings …
So we can ask for our money back? 😉
>The Prize: The accomplishment is its own reward.
WE ALL WIN!
One last shot before the buzzer:
Creationism is to evolution as a blindfold is to binoculars.
Caraleisa says:
That one isn’t entirely original. There’s an old saying in feminist circles: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
All right! By the powers vested in me by [*mumble, mumble*] I’m declaring the time period for entries to be closed. I am now mulling it all over.
The tension is growing …
The winner has been selected. An announcement has been made at the end of the original post.
Congrats to the winner. I KNOW it was a hard job picking just one!!
Late to the party, I know, but
Creationism is to evolution as McNuggets are to chicken.
Time limit? We aint got no time limit. We don need no stinking time limit.
If only Benjamin Franklin had been in time. He coulda been a contender.
STELLA!
It wasn’t him, Curmy, it was you. Remember that night in the Garden you came down to my dressing room and you said, “Kid, this ain’t your night. We’re going for the price on Luskin.” You remember that? “This ain’t your night”! My night! I coulda taken Luskin apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my brother, Curmy, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn’t have to take them dives for the short-end money.
You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. It was you, Curmy.
Benjamin Franklin says:
You’re a walkin’ dead man! You’re dead on this waterfront and every other waterfront from Boston to New Orleans. You won’t go anywhere, drive a truck or a cab or push a baggage rack without one of my guys have the eye on you. You just dug your own grave, dead man, go fall in it!
Cool. Thanks SC. I’m glad you liked it.
If anyone should wonder about OrgeMkV’s choice of handle, it comes from a fun little game: http://www.projectrho.com/ogre.html
🙂
Never played Ogre, was always curious about it.
I bet we have enough people posting here to play Diplomacy, that’s my favorite.
How do you play Diplomacy?
I used to play a lot of Diplomacy – Dibs on England! 😉
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diplomacy_(game)
And after that we can play Brocknian Ultra-Cricket.
Heh, count me in. Dimplomacy online might be fun. lots of room for discussion before moving.
Ogre is fun too. It’s very old, but has stood up well.
If you guys are serious I will set up a Diplomacy game online; we’ll need eight people because someone needs to master the game.
@Caraleisa:
It’s a seven player game with very simple rules. There are seven nations, each with fleets and armies, all more-or-less evenly matched. The fleets and armies move and fight in a very simple fashion, though there is a little strategy to that. However, no one nation is strong enough to fight any other by itself. So the bulk of the game is convincing other people to help you accomplish your goals, or trick them into it, or force them to do it. Almost all of the playing time is spent working out alliances and planning strategy with allies who are probably untrustworthy. As in real life, you can do anything you can get away with. If one of your allies does something he promised not to do, you have only two choices–let it slide or go to war with him.
Gabe, I don’t think a blog format can handle it. A post with zillions of comments doesn’t seem right. You’ll need a forum or something.
SC, we certainly wouldn’t use a blog for that! For one, you want negotiations and discussions to be secret, because everybody is probably double-crossing everyone else. There is an online Diplomacy site already in existence–actually more than one. They’re called judges. You send messages and orders through the judges and the judges send out emails and update the maps and such. We’d play through one of them, this one:
http://www.floc.net/dpjudge/
This is a game played in our physics department, and my mighty British empire achieved world domination in 1911. My end of game statement follows:
Overall, my strategy was, until the very end at least, to keep always
to the letter of my agreements while twisting them very hard to maximum
advantage, and to always weigh the other powers to see if they were
more useful to me dead or alive…
In the beginning, I had to protect myself from Germany and France,
neither of whom Britain can trust after the other one is gone.. they
can’t afford to have Britain behind them. So I thought of an agreement
I thought would be attractive, which contained a provision that I
should not build armies and they should not build fleets. Of course
this left me invincible, once all the fleets I had coming were built.
Eventually, of course, I needed an army, and France and Germany agreed
that I needed one, but they refused to let me build one. This gave me
the pretext I needed to withdraw from the agreement, which the
agreement allowed me to do.
Russia was at this point nearly out. But I had no builds coming and I
needed an army in St Petersburg. So I offered to support a Russian
army into St Petersburg, and let them keep Sweden, but they had to be
my puppet… very soon I was at war with France and Germany and the
Russian army I spared served me very well. I would certainly liked to
have helped Russia rebuild, but Germany caved in too quickly, and
Turkey immediately pounced… I’m sorry that never worked out how I
envisioned it.
My relationship with Turkey was the thing I thought hardest about all
through the game. We were two powers completely unable to stab one
another, and there was a good chance we might be the last two
standing–as indeed it worked out. In the beginning we shared a lot of
information, mostly. Toward the end we tried to work out agreements to
expand in tandem and split the game. But I had absolutely no way of
enforcing the agreements… so the strategy I settled on was to be
very, very good to Italy and Germany and to concentrate,
ostentatiously, all of my forces against France. When the inevitable
Turkish stab of Italy came, I was in the position of having three other
countries fight Turkey for me, while I was free to conquer France at my
leisure…
Then I found myself ahead… and I am not sure but I think the reason
no coalition formed against me, was because Turkey had already stabbed
everyone… but had I seen Germany and Italy pull their troops from the
Turkish front, they’d not have had time to set up against mine, and the
game would have been over sooner.
I do regret the stab for the win. It would have been much more fun and
challenging to help Italy and Germany take down Turkey, and get my
eighteen in the course of it…. But that might have taken forever. I
do not believe that Turkey held a stalemate line but it still would
have taken a very long time to roll Turkey back.
And, well, that’s about it. I’d like to say I diabolically planned it
all from the beginning, but of course there were many surprises and
twists along the way. For example, Russia’s initial attack against
Britain was a surprise, as was Germany’s declaration of war against me.
(I’d expected them, given their weakness in the West, to try to extort
concessions in exchange for neutrality, while buying time to switch
from East to West… fortunately for me it didn’t happen and that was
easily my most anxious moment.)
May I recommend: http://www.diplom.org/DP-cgi/setqueue
Founded by a high-school buddy of mine, who is VERY into the game. I’ve never actually used this service before though. I can’t volunteer to organize anything over the weekend though, because of visitors from out of town.
We may want to trade emails, and I could manage that. Contact me at TomatoAddict42 AT gmail DOT com
Put “Diplomacy” in the subject or body, so I can set up a filter.
Gabe, that sounds like fun – your end statement gives a good overview. It also sounds like something that would become obsessive during play. I can see why it would need its own forum/website! Looks like you’ve got a player here in Tomato Addict, at least! c.