Look, Drool, Believe

This is a compendium of some of our earlier thinking about creationism. You’ve seen it all before, but there’s nothing else going on out there today, so it’s a good time to assemble some of this material into one convenient post.

First, there are The Ten Laws of Creationism. That’s essential reading.

Then we discussed Richard Dawkins’ famous remark, that creationists are either Ignorant, Stupid, Insane, or Wicked. We ended that with the Curmudgeon’s manifesto: A creationist is either an ignoramus, a simpleton, a fanatic, a charlatan, or some combination thereof.

But those were our early efforts. Since then we’ve made considerable progress. After much analysis of creationist writings, we announced what we call the Creationists’ Scientific Method:

1. Select a conclusion which you hope is true.
2. Find one piece of evidence that possibly might fit.
3. Ignore all other evidence.
4. That’s it.

Then we described the mindset you need to understand Discoveroid essays. We call it the sacred Fourfold Path:

First, you must forget all about the Constitution of the United States. Assume that there is no separation of church and state, and therefore the government is free to promote religion in its schools and impose theocracy everywhere.

Second, forget all about what science is — you know, observing verifiable facts, framing testable hypotheses, and discarding ideas that fail such tests. You must open your mind — and your lab — to unobservable and untestable supernatural phenomena.

Third, forget everything you know about the creationist origins and characteristics of the Discoveroid “theory” of intelligent design. In case you’ve forgotten, in this post — Kitzmiller v. Dover: Is ID Science? — we described all the factual information that came out in testimony and cross examination during the Kitzmiller case.

Fourth, pay no attention to the Discoveroids’ stated goal of destroying science and substituting religion in its place, as is clearly described in their wedge strategyi.e., to “reverse the stifling materialist world view and replace it with a science consonant with Christian and theistic convictions.”

To further assist you in understanding creationist writings, you must appreciate the peculiar mental disorder which makes it impossible for them to reason. For that we recommend our path-breaking study: The Mind of a Creationist — Inductophobia.

But how can such scrambled brains exist? Surely, natural selection should have filtered them out of the gene pool long ago. Pondering that, we developed The Theory of Abominable Befuddlement, which holds that certain features of the creationist brain are best explained by an Abominable Befuddler, and not by evolution.

Okay, that’s what goes on in the mind of a creationist. What about the charlatans who know better, but who promote creationism — what motivates them? We explained that recently. It’s contained in these words of wisdom from a bandito in “The Magnificent Seven”:

Do men of our profession worry about things like that? It may even be sacrilegious! If God didn’t want them sheared, He would not have made them sheep.

You can find some of the foregoing and many other Curmudgeonly insights in Compendium of Curmudgeonly Concepts. If you would be a true sapiens, you must read, learn, and understand. Otherwise, like a pre-human, you will only look, drool, and believe.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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6 responses to “Look, Drool, Believe

  1. Thanks for a good Mothers Day laugh!
    I say creationist are all of the above!

  2. As you know, unlike you, I like to debate creationists, though only in the relative safety of internet. This is the place to confess that you provided me with several handy tools for my little enterprise. So thanks.
    Also for the many good laughs, of course.

  3. Fundamentalists (who are creationists by default) don’t just assume there is no separation of church and state; they practically shout it from the rooftops. Their favorite line is, “The first Amendment guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion.” In other words, you’re free to pick any religion you choose, but you’d better pick one, or else. (And you’d better not pick the “religion” of Darwinism, if you know what’s good for you.)

  4. Asha’rism helped end the golden age of arabic hellenistic studies and thought. Apparently it is the original Inductophobite school of science denial
    and a powerful component of thought in some societies today..Everything is a miracle.

  5. @Eric Lipps:
    Although today all fundamentalists seem to be deniers of evolutionary biology and of “deep time”, the first fundamentalists, of the early 20th century, were not universally opponents of evolution, and Young Earth Creationism did become popular until the appearance of Morris & Whitcomb’s “The Genesis Flood”, in 1961.

  6. Asha’rism “a powerful component of thought”
    correction ……a powerful component of non thought.