Edison's Infernal Invention
ONCE again, dear reader, we beg you to indulge your Curmudgeon as we engage in a bit of parody. Having observed the chicanery of creationists, we have learned that their style of argument can be applied to virtually anything. Behold, our refutation of Edison’s theory of artificial electric light:
Thomas Edison, not satisfied with the invention of phonograph, also invented the abomination of artificial electric light, which he patented in 1880. This blight is known as Edisonian Lightism.
1. Lightism is just a theory — an atheistic belief based on arbitrary presuppositions. No one has ever seen a so-called “electron,” and no one really knows what causes light bulbs to function as they do.
2. Artificial electric light isn’t mentioned in the Bible. According to Genesis 1, verses 16-18 (King James Version), God makes light, not man:
And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
3. Artificial light is the product of philosophical materialism and a Godless, naturalistic worldview. According to this article in Wikipedia, Edison — obviously influenced by Darwin — said:
Nature is what we know. We do not know the gods of religions. And nature is not kind, or merciful, or loving. If God made me — the fabled God of the three qualities of which I spoke: mercy, kindness, love — He also made the fish I catch and eat. And where do His mercy, kindness, and love for that fish come in? No; nature made us — nature did it all — not the gods of the religions.
4. Fire is natural; artificial light isn’t. Before Edison, all great scientists relied on moonlight and candles to illuminate the night.
5. According to the Second Law of Thermodynamics, you can’t get something from nothing, and that means you can’t get light from darkness.
6. Some insects can generate light naturally. So can some sea-creatures; but that’s micro-light. Artificial light is macro-light, which is contrary to nature.
7. Artificial light is destructive of family values. It encourages nocturnal adventures and leads to sexual promiscuity, divorce, and other forms of amoral behavior.
8. Aristotle didn’t believe in Lightism. Nor did Galileo or Isaac Newton. Neither did our Founding Fathers — like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Even Benjamin Franklin, a pioneer in studying electricity, rejected Lightism.
9. Artificial light affects the climate and produces global warming. It may also cause cancer and abnormal childbirth; no one has ever proved otherwise.
10. There is no scientific evidence that Edisonian Lightism has improved society. To the contrary, the 20th Century was the bloodiest in history. Hitler used electric lights. Stalin used electric lights. Mao used electric lights.
11. Is it only a coincidence that Edison’s invention of artificial light coincides with the increasing power and influence of the suggestively-named Illuminati? Even a fool can see the relationship!
12. By daring to produce artificial light, man is invading the province of God. If man pretends to be God then he has no standard of morality and no way to distinguish good from evil. Lightism dooms our society. Remember the Tower of Babel!
13. It takes more faith to believe in Lightism than to believe in the tooth fairy.
14. Edisonian Lightism is a theory in crisis! Many respected scientists are questioning Lightism because they understand its evil. But but they don’t speak out publicly for fear of being Expelled.
Teach the controversy!
[For previous posts in this series, see: The Scientific Case Against Craterism, and then The Scientific Case Against Powered Flight, and then The Scientific Case Against Atom Bombism, and then The Scientific Case Against Darwinian Emancipation, and we’ll toss in Two Plus Two Equals Three.]
Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.
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The Sensuous Curmudgeon 
I’m laughing so hard I can hardly contain myself. Great job. Maybe one of our Louisiana legislators can introduce a bill to give the Bible equal time (or illumination) with lightism. Ha! Ha!
HERETIC!
You sir are a closet Darwinist apologist supporter of the Edisonian Young Light heresy.
I sir am a true Old Light follower of the true Church Of Flourescence, and promote the true and proper Giessler Lightism, which predates your Edisonian heresy by three decades.
Pshaw and tish to your discredited Edisonianism.
Sandman: Now please explain to us all- what exactly is the essence of flour?
Geeze. I hope this blog is banned in Utah. Chris Buttars is likely to take it and run with it.
You forgot how SLOT doesn’t allow lights to ‘light’.
Lights are ‘powered’ by the unproven concept of ‘electricity’. But according to scientists, lights emit ‘electromagnetism’. So, they are emmiting the same thing that’s powering them.
Do scientists really think us incredulous fools? There’s no such thing as a perpetual motion machine, so lights can’t exist.
Don’t even get me started on these “LEDs”… I understand that the inventor of LEDs was a part of Nazi Germany.
Ed Darrell: “Geeze. I hope this blog is banned in Utah. Chris Buttars is likely to take it and run with it.”
Nah, he’s too busy fantasizing about Candice Olson, who gave him the idea for “divine design.”
Don’t give the ID any more ideas!! They might jump on this.
So what we have here is a theory of Intelligent Illumination?
Actually, Franklin was a Lightist.
The kite experiment led to his invention of the lightning rod and then the Leyden jar as an electrical condenser. He built the lightning rods to attract electricity to his house by attaching them to a system of bells. Each time the rods attracted electricity, the bells rang throughout his house. His house lit up with the sparks produced.